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Struggling with ex finding new DP

(9 Posts)
skye33 Tue 18-Apr-17 14:57:10

Really could do with some positive stories of how life gets better on your own. I left my ex a year ago he now in a relationship with a friend of mutual friends of ours and he had her stay at the weekend while he had our DD at his house. I knew nothing about her till my DD told me about daddy's friend who'd stayed think it's been going in since Xmas at least so he obviously thought it was right time to introduce her to DD. I'm pissed if he didn't tell me she d be there but I guess now it's not my business and that's what he d say to me if I bought it up. Fed up with life generally at the moment struggling financially he just off on holiday with new woman and our DD at hakf term and he still trying to reduce maintanence etc making life hard for me. Just wondering why o feel so gutted and down as didn't think I had any feelings for him guess it's always hard when they find Someone else ?! Trying to remember all the crap that made me leave him and not the good stuff. Just need to hear that there's some good stuff round the corner [hmm most of the time I feel I've done the right thing DD seems happy and has adjusted well but it's been a tough year and hearing he moved on hit me hard.

conway Tue 18-Apr-17 20:58:22

I had exactly the same problem this weekend. My boys went to stay with their dad and his girlfriend was there. My son was very put out as he didn't get much attention.
I feel like you and didn't think that I had any feelings for my ex but felt really gutted. Felt jealous as well that he is having a great time and has found love again.
Also angry that he didn't tell me and my kids were not happy about it which made me feel sad.

skye33 Tue 18-Apr-17 21:34:00

Hi Conway sorry to hear you feeling similarly rubbish about it all but helps to share it and know I'm not alone. It really was a shock to me hearing my DD mention her name and say " oh you know so and so friend of ( mutual friends of ours ) was at Daddy's at the weekend for his birthday ....shock she came to watch me horse riding ( which I've never been able to do with her as I can't afford it now ) am surprised how gutted i feel like you guess cause I haven't met anyone and hard to hear he happy and moved on so quickly especially with someone I know. Makes it hard to stomach. Trying to think generously that although I know her from few times I met her from what I know she is a nice person (😬) and will be kind to my DD. Just for the first time in a year I'm doubting my decision and as she so sweet and nice wondering if he isn't really that bad and I'm just miserable ?!!! Getting some reassurance from those close to me reminding me why I left him but thought of him with her has affected me and really didn't think it would ..... angry at my so called friend too who didn't give me the heads up this had been going on ... if the tables had been turned and our DD had said that mummy had a man staying at the house he d soon have something to say about it if I hadn't told him first. 😡

NameWithChange Wed 19-Apr-17 01:28:11

Please help me shift this wretched feeling
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2894807-please-help-me-shift-this-wretched-feeling

I had similar feelings and posted under 'relationships'. I did get some really good advice - reading my link above might also help you.

flowers at this shit time for you flowers

Gemma1995 Wed 19-Apr-17 01:53:57

It actually is your business. He should have told you in advance instead of taking the cowardly option of letting your child tell you. My ex told me in advance and I was able to talk to my daughter and make her feel it was a good thing her dad now had someone as he had been lonely. The new girlfriend was a nightmare at first and criticised my choice of clothes for my daughter and told my daughter that I must spend the child maintenance on myself. I realised that she would always be more bothered about me than I was of her. I had to grit my teeth a lot but over the years it's settled down and I know it annoys her more that I have a good relationship with my ex and have never risen to her childish and spiteful comments. I just wanted my daughter to feel happy and relaxed. My daughter seems to understand more than I realised and recently asked if she could sign daddy up on match.com to get him a new gf. You'll eventually just feel sorry for his new partner. Remember all the reasons you left him, he's her problem now. I hope you shake off these feelings of unease as they are horrible.

Hermonie2016 Wed 19-Apr-17 20:22:58

List all the reasons why you left.He may be on his best behaviour but he's really unlikely to have had a personality change.

Blending a family isn't easy and as an ex step mum I can say it puts a strain on any relationship.It will not be all blissful.

You will be happy, just focus on yourself

Mari50 Fri 21-Apr-17 15:48:06

Going through this at the moment too. We split Nov last year, it is a bit complicated cause I moved out October 15 but we carried on seeing each other for another year (just to really kill the relationship dead).
We've been very on/off anyway for 14 years and I guess I thought we'd just drift back. He announced he'd met someone 2 weeks ago- just nice company, not in love etc. DD came back from him last night and he's planning on introducing them. It's been 2 months.
I'm am totally beside myself and I don't know why.
I can't bear the thought of someone spending time with my DD who is nothing to do with her. I know ex finds contact difficult and would invariably drop DD off early but now he will be playing happy families and it is really messing with my head. DD upset too.
i've arranged counselling which I hope will help me deal with things.
I have a big long list of reasons why he was an arse to refer to when I need.
But no happy ending for me. So can't help there. Can empathise though. Xx

ChristinaBIT Fri 21-Apr-17 16:46:50

xx

ChristinaBIT Fri 21-Apr-17 16:47:09

x

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