how is this my life? seperation, special needs, all on my own

[user9000]

Currently working through separation from financially and emotionally abusive H while constantly hearing from DS 1and 2's teachers about their meltdowns at school. Both have ASD and the marriage breakup has thrown all the hard work at getting them to behave well down the drain. Have to go pick up #2 son from school today because he trashed the classroom and threw a desk. He hasn't behaved like this in three years. It's because of the separation. I have no family to help and H is barely around. Every time I start to plan a way to retrain for a new career or think about returning to work the autism behaviour throws in a wrench. Soon to be XH works in the city and now has an apartment there so he is out of reach for help. I feel so trapped!!!! Will I ever get a chance to live my life for me AT ALL EVER outside of dumping the kids at a hospital and walking away (not that I would ever do that). H needs to work to support us, even if divorced. I don't know how I would get him to help as he can take 90 min to get to where we live (even when we were together)... I want to scream sometimes.........

[user9000]

Maybe should have posted in Special Needs, but really it is going through separation on my own while dealing with all that comes with it. Posting for traffic I guess.

[JohnnyMarr]

Hi User, didn't want to read and run, that sounds pretty tough for both you and your DSs and I'm not surprised you're struggling.

I know you say you don't have family to help but are you getting any help from school, CAMHS etc? How old are your DSs? Does your H have them in the evenings or weekends at all?

I'm going through a similar situation, H left a couple of months ago, DD doesn't have SN but has gone off the rails and appears to be on a mission to self-destruct so I'm familiar with the calls from school and stresses at home and the bloody bitterness at how unfair it all is.

[wizzywig]

Yep op. I totally sympathise. I dont know what to say. Perhaps you will get some kind of life and maybe youll have a few hours here and there. Have you asked for respite?

[Stormsurfer]

I'm in same boat here- both DC have ASD plus other diagnosed health issues. STBXH has swanned off into middle eastern sunset. It's really hard, but I have to say that it gets easier with time and for me them not having conflicting parenting styles, the constant bickering and many more demands on them to do "family" things has actually led to a calmer more content home. Hang in there, it will improve.