Buying flat - not divorced yet - a bit complex..

[rosethorn76]

Please help! Left a man with mental health issues 6 months ago - he was emotionally abusive - never felt better! But confused about what to do now from financial POV as want to buy house (shared ownership)

1 ds aged 2 who is living with me. I work full time and earn good money. Soon to be ex has barely ever worked and this was a major reason for split and fighting during marriage. He now lives in sheltered accommodation provided due to mental health issues and claims disability and other benefits. I don't get (and will probably never get) any maintenance from him for DS and childcare is all paid for by me.

I have been voluntarily helping him out with some maintenance for the last 6 months while he gets himself sorted. No assets except car which we've agreed to sell and split 50/50. Both have credit card debts (separate).

I have been offered a shared ownership flat which I want to get (due to security of tenure, not wasting money on london rent) and parents are gifting me 15,000 deposit.

Haven't done divorce proceedings yet but when I do I want to go for clean break financial settlement. I should have addressed this before but the emotional stress of separation and juggling work and caring for my son has meant I've avoided this til now...

I need to buy a shared ownership flat NOW for a variety of reasons but given we are still married would this cause any issues re assets? I'm guessing not as apart from deposit there is no equity accrued and me and ds need somewhere to live (have been living with parents and friends while I get over this part of my life)

Please help!

Also husband is still wanting more money from me to support him but I need to focus on me and DS now..

[PotteringAlong]

I wouldn't buy it until I was divorced because I would assume it would become a marital asset.

[rosethorn76]

Thanks that would be my position ordinarily but as I mentioned I have to buy now - although equity in the house so far is only 10k when you factor in the cost of selling so not really substantial?

If we divorce this year I won't have built up any other equity in it yet so risks are low?

I have to buy now or pass up the chance for a decade or so so I figure better to risk losing a little in any financial settlement rather than spend 1000s on rent for coming years.

[reallyanotherone]

See a solicitor.

[RedastheRose]

Sorry, if bought while you are still married it will be classed as a marital asset if your stbxh claims it as such. Since he has already asked for more maintenance it's likely he will. You need to get divorce sorted first.

[RedastheRose]

See a solicitor file for divorce, agree a consent order as to how you will split assets, that your not asking for maintenance for child etc then get that signed and filed ASAP may be able to do this while going through the process of buying the flat if you get right on it.

[Hellowyellow]

Just want to add my support OP. Horrible situation. I would seek some legal advice as pp have suggested.

Well done by the way on getting out of an abusive relationship, I know it's not easy. And you are doing the right thing taking care of you and ds.

[rosethorn76]

Thanks everyone for the support and advice. I'm going to do both in parallel - go all out for the flat and see my solicitor next week to start divorce proceedings and clean break agreed by him. I do have some leverage in that he is likely to inherit as his mother is elderly and right now I would have right to half of that if we don't agree clean break - and if he is going to be difficult (which I doubt as he's a chancer but ultimately spineless) I'd be willing to just give him the car to keep him out of my hair. Would rather do that than have him constantly badgering me for money.

Yes I am putting 15k on a flat but there is no equity beyond that and our debts mean there are no marital assets to speak of (the joys of marrying a broke artist)

He is living in a fantasy world - e.g. He got a lump sum refund from HMRC which could have lasted him 3-4 months and he's blown it in a week and is stilll asking me for handouts.

Crazy making but at least I'm out of his clutches. Leaving him was the best thing I've ever done and worth all of the hard work and chaos for this feeling of being free of him.