Hi,
I usually post on the SN forum as my DD has autism.
My couple is breaking apart and since last night I think there is a crack that can't be mended, at least not by myself alone.
DD's autism has put a huge pressure on us over the past 5 years, her sleep problems combined with DH's extremely sensitive sleep meant we've been sleeping in separate beds for 5 years, apart from the odd times (holidays, visitors). He never, ever got up at night for her, even when she was a baby.
Over the past 2 years he's been blaming me for neglecting him, he keeps saying "we have no life, no sex, nothing". He's the breadwinner as I had to stop working to care for DD, and he pretty much does nothing at all with her (5 min a day on the trampoline if she begs him really hard). I'm knackered and I wish he could just respect me more for doing all the parenting work (he considers it as an extra job - and his job is soooo tiring and stressful already). He finds spending time with DD boring, he prefers watching TV or doing the dishes.
Last night he started talking about a colleague of his, married with a young child, who started an affair at work, and he pretty much blamed his wife for causing it to happen (because they have no sex life, without any evidence of it). And quickly the conversation turned to our own issues and he said it would be justified if he had an affair. That fulfilling sex needs are the most important thing for a human being. (despite the fact I'm tired and worried for DD all the time and he doesn't want sex during the week as he can't sleep afterwards... so we have sex about twice a month? not enough for him)
Then he started talking about his ex (15 + years ago...) who was bisexual (as well as a rich, superficial and hot Asian princess, ie the total opposite of me ), and he said he was happy about it when she went to sleep with girls when they were together.... I was like wtf?!?
Then he went on to say monogamous relationships are just "a social construct" and blah blah blah.
He didn't realise he shocked me with his rude, insensitive comments.
I said I thought cheating is cheating, and that it's disrespectful and humiliating and breaking families and how can he not agree with that?
This happened after a terrible day with DD when she cried most of the day. I was just beyond shocked - am I unreasonable to be shocked?
He could see that i was hurt, but never apologised. I sent him a message today saying how unfair, shocking and unjustified his comments were... never got an apology. Tonight he could see that I've been crying, and absolutely no comment about it.
Is he just becoming a prick? Is he pushing me for a breakup? I'm completely dependent on him financially, and I want DD to have a father (she loves him, even though he's not a great dad with her)
His mother is a narcissist, and I'm afraid he's becoming one too - ie very little hope.
I basically want to know if he has indeed pushed the limit way too far, or if I'm unreasonable to think so...?? Does it sound like breakup is the only way forward?
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Divorce/separation
Threatening to cheat on me and blaming me for it
18 replies
eskimomama · 16/09/2016 18:24
OP posts:
Arfarfanarf ·
16/09/2016 18:41
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Fidelia ·
17/09/2016 10:30
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