Separating due to emotional abuse - what do I do next?

[dontmentionit]

Been with H since teens for 20 years, I've just woken up and realised that it's not a healthy relationship. Subtle ways but sulking mainly " not enough sex, it's boring" is current sulk, questioning whether I'm having an affair (I'm not) , being vile inter mixed with him being just lovely.

We have a house and 2 dc, where do I start in terms of a separation? Is it as complicated as I fear. I really worry about the financial side who do I get advice from? I need my practical head on but I can't think straight at the moment😯

[FreeFromHarm]

Sorry you are going through this, so you have decided to leave the family home ?, how old are your dc's ?

[dontmentionit]

Thanks for your reply. Dc s are 5 and 9 , we have a mortgaged house together. Aware I need to make sure I have house security for my dcs.

Just tried women's aid who are sadly inundated so vm available only. I don't want a call back though incase he picks up phone etc

[FreeFromHarm]

First thing Tuesday make an appointment for your free half hour with a solicitor
Get all the paperwork you can ( including pay slips and bank details ( both of you if you work) take with you to solicitors
organise your financials , setting out what will be needed to run the house if you are staying.
If he is abusive emotionally /verbally contact wa and get some advice.

[dontmentionit]

Thank you, will do. I guess I should keep quiet about this to H. I don't know, heads all over the place.

[FreeFromHarm]

I would suggest if he is emotionally abusive, yes I would keep all this to yourself, careful planning is paramount , have you a confidente you can trust and talk to ?, wa will also help you, I also suggest you go to your gp as they offer very good counselling services .

[debbs77]

I agree, get everything in order first.

I am out of an emotionally abusive relationship and he is STILL going on at me. Makeso it easier to move on to be honest

[KateLivesInEngland]

Hi OP, how are you doing? I'm just asking as I'm in a very similar situation - I'm planning on leaving but not sure where to start - I've looked up solicitors in our area and plan to visit one soon, did you go for a consultation?

[hermione2016]

Get some legal advice which will be pretty generic but starts the process.

I am just starting the divorce process, my stbxh will file for divorce ( as he has to have the control) and that kicks off the process.

[user1474193901]

You poor thing. I completely sympathise. I too suffered emotional abuse from STBEXH. It's deeply scarring isn't it. Yet nobody sees the damage that's done. I Left end of last year. Currently in divorce roller coaster. But OMG! My self esteem is returning, I'm not feeling like a pile of sh1t as he always made me feel. I still have down downs but they are certainly getting fewer. Sending hugs