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Help!! Ex-husband threatening me via children

(19 Posts)
Pandamanda3 Mon 15-Aug-16 10:34:03

Any advise PLZ long long story but ex-husband is passing threats through children to me, or threatening my boys to get to me. He hasn't lived at fmh for 2 years and was arrested for dv which started divorce, I found prior to divorce he was taking steroids and a lot of them at that furling an already aggressive temper. Problem now is he's sending his illegal shipments to me from Thailand, then when I refuse to allow sons to pass it to him he starts. The last being a few days ago I did open package as I wanted to see what it was, I also videoed its contents labels etc he tormented both my sons to try & get package which I refused to give them to ferry to him as I don't want my boys carrying drugs even if it is in a box. He's got his own place too but being a rat won't risk it so decides to send it to our home. He called my eldest 21 other day in front of youngest of 17 with special needs and completely lost the plot, told him he was going to gut him, batter him, what he'd do to me now divorce is over telling my poor son I need to learn and do as im told he will send what he likes to his house. He owns 30% I own 70%. My boys are devastated by him and im petrified of him or what he will do. Solicitor says he can have things sent to me as he still coOwns property? Even though she knows it's drugs? Police were not very helpful and didn't care when he was arrested about the drugs & no charges were brought as cps said dv, drugs etc wasn't worth the cost of investigation prosecution. So I'm lost can't sleep feel trapped, heart broken for my boys and scared stiff. Any advise PLZ were to turn I don't want to have drugs getting shipped to me for him either?
PLZ plz any comments? Thanks in advance guy's

LaurieFairyCake Mon 15-Aug-16 10:43:20

Refuse the packages if they're to be signed for

Chuck the ones in the bin that get just put through and claim no knowledge - he can't prove they were delivered

Refuse to talk to him as far as possible

Lucked Mon 15-Aug-16 10:49:11

I agree deny, deny and deny again. Bin everything so he is wasting his money he won't carry on risking sending them to you if he can't be guaranteed to get them. You can not give in or back down.

How do your sons feel about the threats, do they still want to see and speak to him?

Make sure he can't enter the house and if he shows up call the police.

KinkyAfro Mon 15-Aug-16 10:51:04

Why are you accepting the packages, just turn them away. It's not like he can complain you're refusing to sign for his drugs?!

Lucked Mon 15-Aug-16 10:54:04

Although technically it is an offence to interfere with mail he can hardly take you to court or go to the police about this as he would have to present evidence of the order and goods.

Make sure other mail is forwarded to him but not via his sons. Do it formally through the Royal Mail and forward anything else by handwriting his new address and reposting it.

BITCAT Mon 15-Aug-16 10:54:10

Phone the police. That behaviour is not acceptable. Change numbers so he can.not Contact any of them.

Pandamanda3 Mon 15-Aug-16 11:40:21

Hey, my youngest took the parcel so once I realised what it was I freaked I text him told him he's a rat. If he wanted it he had to get it off me & me only. He refuses to speak to me or see me but likes to threaten me via kids. Once he knows it's on its way that's it he starts and won't let up, he threatens becomes a nuisance, the police don't do anything although it's illegal to import he's not importing enough apparently to warrent conviction it's a joke. The eldest hates him, but the younger one is autistic very stuck on routin and is easily frightened by him. Iv had him counselling and everything to give him strength to say no to his father and make his own mind up on things but as soon as he says something about me I think my youngest thinks he has to go with him to stop dad hurting me. Solicitor said as he's 17 no court in the land will entertain my stopping his access so im stuck. I have told ex don't send it again I'll destroy it but it makes no difference as I say he just bully's his way to getting what he wants. I am scared of him but once he started at my boys I flipped Prob didn't hekp, but I told him hurt them so help me god I'll come for you myself. He just laughs calls me the worst things he left us in huge debt so I can't afford to move and am stuck with him owning part of my home. I did try telling him I'll give it to solicitor to forward on not through the boys but this made him worse. He acts like upstanding member of community elec business, suited & booted nice car clothes, and let's us suffer but people don't know this side to him.

Pandamanda3 Mon 15-Aug-16 11:44:01

P.s apologies if my messages are long, im a newbie just signed up yesterday for help really so still learning the ropes! So grateful for so many replys it makes me feel im not alone. All my family live far away & friends were friends of his so I lost everything after divorce as his family were my family but they hate me for reporting him for domestic violence.

BITCAT Mon 15-Aug-16 17:53:45

Sounds like your well out of it..if they.blame you for something he did. I would go mental if my son did that to his family. I mean the threats report him, the police must act of he is phoning making threats. It's illegal and considered harassment of it continues. I'd advice you start a diary dates times he has rung..what was said..keep any messages..write everything down. Anything that comes to yours for him..this is classed as a form of harassment he does not live there. Refuse to take items..they will be sent back. You don't have to except them.

Pandamanda3 Mon 15-Aug-16 19:05:20

Hi bitcat thanks for your response, im going to try and refuse them next time but knowing dpd they will chuck it outside the door.
It's the threats if you get me? Feeling like you can never relax always looking over my shoulder.
He is just not the man I married, but then I guess I didn't even know the real him.
I want to tell the police but after turning to them initially and them not doing what they promised I know they won't act. The solicitor is more for pointing out his rights to mail & I shouldn't go in the box so what are you supposed to do. It's like he can do as he likes to us. Once he knows it's coming then that's it he will make our lives a living hell until he gets it.
I will keep a diary yes thanks I didn't think of that, I just wish I could run away & hide but he's left us in such a financial mess we can't move. I could never do it to anybody, he put tiger balm plasters inside so the smell wouldn't alert the drugs dogs so I found out. He's got it all covered and we feel trapped!

Missgraeme Mon 15-Aug-16 19:15:04

Open the package
Replace all tablets with laxative pills
Let him have it
And stand well back
U need to toughen up. For all your sakes. Let him threaten u - keep records and always phone the police
File a harassment order
Get a restraining order.

BITCAT Mon 15-Aug-16 20:12:53

I know only too well how useless the police can be. Definately diary everything. It is harassment he is doing to you. Can you contact dpd and tell them you do not want any mail for him to your address as he doesn't live there. He has a right to mail yes..but at his address not yours. Can you get any help from the authorities at all to move..domestic violence..Surely someone can do something. Might be worth speaking to your local Citizens's free and they will try to point you in right direction with regards to any help.

Pandamanda3 Mon 15-Aug-16 20:27:56

Hi bitcat YEH Iv spoken with cab and they had some helpful advise about debts etc which was good but as far as house is concerned Id need to sell & the council said I wouldn't be a priority as Id have collateral what little is left after debts are cleared and they said I would in effect be making myself homeless ha! Being in this situation has opened my eyes the world is crazy the law the authority's it seems that you put one foot forward & ten back! 😞

BITCAT Mon 15-Aug-16 20:33:48

Could you private rent?

BITCAT Mon 15-Aug-16 20:34:30

Sorry I don't know where you live so unsure of what's on offer. Just bouncing around ideas really.

3littlefrogs Mon 15-Aug-16 20:36:24


3littlefrogs Mon 15-Aug-16 20:40:55

Oh - sorry, just seen you have already tried that.
Has your son reported him to the police on his own behalf?
It sounds dreadful and your solicitor sounds useless.
Have you posted in Legal for advice?

Pandamanda3 Mon 15-Aug-16 22:29:58

Hi oh no tbh Iv only put it here it's my first time just joined so learning ropes! Sorry if I am boaring everyone with stupidly long messages ☺️
You guys have really picked me up honestly, just to know your advise is there is helping a million.

Bitcat: YEH I'll need to private rent I think after selling get myself sorted financially and then think long term. This situation is hard enough, I wish he would just wake up but fat chance with what he's been taking.
Also my eldest won't call police, he's scared especially after the night he was arrested! God love him. I really don't want him to see them but I know they feel uneasy about it as it makes him worse it's so unfair.

BITCAT Mon 15-Aug-16 23:02:55

It's sounds awful. I feel for you.

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