How to tell kids?

[AtTheEndofTheRoad]

Any advice on how to tell kids we are divorcing or just as much what not to say? They are 11, 16,18. At the moment we are still living together. He wants to tell them we have just grown apart. But what do we say when they ask why we can't work it out. He doesn't want any kind of counseling to try to make it work and emotionally checked out a long time ago. According to him it's my fault as I 'started' all this. He says we were fine as we were, which means things were fine for him. He also has someone waiting in the wings as it were.
On the surface we have been pretty amicable, but underneath I feel pretty broken up. How do I stop this coming through? I would like us to have a cordial relationship in the future, but at the moment I can easily see why that doesn't happen.

[lifeisunjust]

So your husband proposes lying to his kids?
He should tell the truth if he says anything that he has someone else.

[pinkieandperkie]

This is a very tricky situation but I would advise that you tell your children the truth. It generally comes out anyway at some point so it's best to be brave and tell them how it is. They will thank you for your honesty. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this awful situation. Best of luck.

[AtTheEndofTheRoad]

He would say he hasn't done anything yet, but he is going on a 'date' with this person in a few days and we haven't even told the children yet😕

[lifeisunjust]

Cheaters rarely own their crappie behaviour and blame shift. You re in for a rough ride of lies. I kept silent and let children decide though it didn't take much as their dad fled to another country in his pursuits. I hope you have famile and friends who have morals and compassion.

[AtTheEndofTheRoad]

Thank you. I am lucky in having wonderful friends. None of them have been through this situation though, so I really appreciate the help.

[Phillipa12]

Stick to the truth, your husband can say what he wants, your kids will figure out the truth in their own time anyway.

[AtTheEndofTheRoad]

Just to report back. Stuck to the basics and kept it very simple and mainly concerned with their needs. Eldest furious, second concerned, third devastated.
I can't sleep, feel sick. It will get better?
Thanks for our advice

[AtTheEndofTheRoad]

Your- even

[cheapskatemum]

Hi ATEOTR, sorry didn't offer advice, I've only just seen your thread, but want to congratulate you. That must have been hard. Your DCs are teenagers, which would contribute to their reactions. Continue to show them it won't affect your love for them and they will come round to the idea of divorced parents. Few people like change. Was DC2's concern for self, or you?

[Hotwaterbottle1]

About to tell DC 15 & 12 tonight. How are things now?

[AtTheEndofTheRoad]

Hotwater- sorry I haven't been back until now. Things are tricky as we're still under the same roof. Dc1 is away, Dc 2 is being ultra helpful and apart from that is being normal, 11 year old has sought out the company of friends who have been through similar.
How did it go for you? I can't sleep and am struggling to eat. I guess that is pretty normal at this point.

[Honeyandfizz]

Attheend I will be going through this soon as dh & I have decided to separate after 16 years dc are 11 & 13. I know they won't be expecting it as we don't argue etc we just don't love each other anymore. I am heartbroken at the thought of this happening but I hope so much with stbxh & I being as amicable as possible it can work out for us all. Good luck to you