Separation - housing/mortgage confusion

[Acheybrain]

I cannot figure this at all. Considering splitting up with husband but not quite at the place to do it just yet.

Recently relocated, renting. My problem is that we are about to buy a house. Haven't exchanged on it yet. I won't be able to pay for the mortgage myself. I am a SAHM and even if it doesn't take a long to find work, it would need to pay enough to cover childcare costs. So I think it'd be at least a year until I work.

When I do get a job.... It will never allow me to get a mortgage on my own. I was earning £30k 7 years ago so even if I got close to that (highly unlikely) I still couldn't even get a flat for us where we live. £250k+ for a 2 bed. I'm more likely to be earning half that.

So if we split equity rather than buy - about £150k so £70k each, I will be living off that, understandably (i assume) wouldn't get benefits. Until I find a job that'll pay rent. 2 bed flat £1200 per month (incidentally more than our mortgage repayments).

If we are 50/50 eventually on residence (once youngest is at school) I wouldn't get CSA type payments.

Do I just accept that I rent rest if my life?

Eventually I would hope that a divorce settlement would help me with pension for later years. But that doesn't help me figure what to do now.

It would feel grossly unfair to buy this house and then announce I want to split.

I know I need legal advice - and DH might have views or a solution once I pluck up the courage to talk to him. We're trying to work on things but it's not happening.

Just wondering what to do. Do we pull out if this house purchase? It's the first 3 bed in our budget in months so maybe we take the chance of our kids having a 3 bed house with garden near school and work out the 2nd property after that.

Any thoughts - or far too complicated a post???

[Fourormore]

My understanding is that if you want to remain in the marital home, you have to be able to afford the mortgage yourself. Could be different if your husband is a very high earner but if children arrangements are 50/50 then the court would be looking to make sure the children were adequately housed while with both parents.

Buying a house when you want to divorce sounds like madness, if only to be chucking legal fees, stamp duty etc at a house that may have to be sold.

Have you been married for a very long time?

I would strongly recommend getting legal advice on where you're likely to stand.

[Acheybrain]

Not long. Married 5 years, together 20. He earns about £70k.

God. I'm missing the obvious. He keeps the house. He can afford it. I rent a flat. I guess that's where the children get their family home and garden. And if it's 50/50 residence I guess why not.

I assume we'll aim for 50/50 but not for the next couple of years while they're so little as he has a long commute.

How does anyone figure this stuff out. Yep, legal advice needed.

[Fourormore]

I don't think he'd keep everything, even if it was 50/50.
The difficult thing is that everyone's circumstances are so different, it's impossible for anyone on a forum like this to say what you could end up with. I'd book an appointment with a solicitor so you've got a good idea of where you stand

[Acheybrain]

Yep. Will do. It's difficult not to keep trying to think it all out. Solicitor is scary. The house purchase is forcing me to deal with things when I'm not really ready. Maybe that's not a bad thing! Thanks.

[Acheybrain]

I'm confused though, can't mumsnetters manage it all for me?!