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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Ex partner getting married

16 replies

Mummykirsty88 · 17/04/2016 15:50

Hi I would really love some advice. Me and my ex have a 10 year old daughter, he sees her about once a week. He moved in with his new partner about a year ago and now they are getting married abroad next year. He didn't tell me any of this he has been speaking to our daughter about it, who isnt invited to his wedding as he said 'she doesn't seem interested' and she would be on her own. When I've approached him about why he hasn't mentioned any of the wedding to me his answer was he didn't see why he should have to. Is it just me or should he be speaking to me about this and not our 10 year old daughter that isnt capable of making decisions to fly abroad for a wedding.

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Justmuddlingalong · 17/04/2016 16:04

Why should he mention his wedding plans to you? He's told your daughter, which is fair enough, but I don't see that it's any of your business.

MuttonCadet · 17/04/2016 16:20

Sorry, but I'm not sure why he would talk to you about his wedding.
Is your daughter upset?

Mummykkk88 · 17/04/2016 16:27

She's not upset she found out about 3 months ago and when she came home told me that he had said he didn't know if she could go to the wedding because it was abroad. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said she would like to go. I just don't understand I am now married and couldnt have imagined spending my wedding day without my child, should he not be feeling the same way, and be trying everything so his child can go.

fuzzywuzzy · 17/04/2016 16:30

Tell him he can take her to his wedding.

I do think it's odd he's not told you as in to try and arrange to take your DD to his wedding and make her feel a part of it, so obviously he's need to let you know.

Mummykkk88 · 17/04/2016 16:31

Sorry need to mention not interested in his wedding plans just interested in what his intentions are with his child going to his wedding as he hasn't mentioned any of it to me not even a date for time of school.

HateTablets · 17/04/2016 16:34

What's surprising is the fact that he doesn't want her there. Or maybe it's not surprising if he doesn't want to have to look after her during the wedding (and the honeymoon afterwards).

In some ways, no he doesn't have to tell you he is getting married. However, as you are sharing the care of your dd and it will be a big thing for her (ie she will now have a stepmum and this woman will be a cionstant figure in her life), it would have been nice to let you know. Just as he should do for any other big event that could affect HER.

What is your dd saying about not being invitted? Is she feeling left out and pushed aside (the last thing you would have wanted to do btw but then...)?

HateTablets · 17/04/2016 16:35

Well he won't need to tell you about anything if she isn't going, will he?

There will be nothing to organise with the school, no travel arrangement/passport to organise. Nothing.
The only thing he will need to do is to ensure you can have her when he is away but he probably doesn't think it's necessary to talk about it yet if the wedding is next year.

GooseberryRoolz · 17/04/2016 16:35

Good co-parenting would entail discussing his wedding plans with his primary aged child's other parent, I would have thought, yes.

He sounds hard work/odd.

veryproudvolleyballmum · 17/04/2016 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuttonCadet · 17/04/2016 17:05

Can I ask, did you discuss your wedding plans with your ex?

Mummykkk88 · 17/04/2016 17:08

Thanks everyone for your comments.

GeorgeTheThird · 17/04/2016 17:13

I think he should have told you, out if courtesy if nothing else.

Mummykkk88 · 17/04/2016 17:16

I think I must have wonded my first post wrong as like I said it's not his plans I'm interested in. I just would like to discuss the best options for his dd going to his wedding. And no I didn't discuss my wedding with him as he sees her for 1 day a week when he wants to and I organised my wedding with my daughter in it including childcare.

GooseberryRoolz · 17/04/2016 17:25

That's what I took you to mean.

If he really doesn't want his child at his wedding, he's a weird kind of parent in my book.

Cabrinha · 18/04/2016 20:34

I'm a good parent.
I didn't tell my XH when I got engaged. None of his business, I don't plan to report in on my life to him for the next 11 years, thank you.
I knew my 7yo would mention it, but I also know that she wouldn't feel piggy in the middle or any awkwardness or secrecy.
Ditto when XH's GF moved in.
Not all children need the other parent to support them through changes - sometimes they don't need support (my daughter - me getting married, v excited about being a bridesmaid, but otherwise no emotional upheaval). And sometimes they need some support and the parent making the life change can handle it with them.
Given that her mother has already remarried, her father now doing so probably isn't a big deal.
So no - no reason he should tell you.

As for not having her there... I want my daughter there - or rather, she'd go nuts if she missed out on being a bridesmaid! But I can well imagine a small wedding abroad without her. I don't think it's a big deal - and much as I love my girl, I don't want her on my honeymoon! So I can definitely imagine choosing to get married abroad without my child - and still managing to be a good parent.

Why are you still going over this months later?

0palfruit · 24/04/2016 08:21

My dad got married when I was about 12. He was in this country. He didn't include me or my sister....I was upset as I thought we could be bridesmaids but he didn't even invite us....He said 'it was for close family only!' (Nobhead)

Yes it is wrong that he didn't mention it or try and include your daughter.

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