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advice please

(5 Posts)
somanymiles Fri 18-Dec-15 21:06:15

My soon to be ex has insisted that my oldest 2 children (who live with their Dad overseas) cannot come home for Xmas and that they have to stay with my Mum. They are 13 and 16 and have only just (last term) moved to live with their Dad. Obv I am v excited about seeing them at Xmas and so is their half brother, my youngest son who is 4. I have decided to leave my husband for many reasons, not least his attitude towards my oldest two who are good as gold. However, my name is not on the deeds of the house, and I do not want to let on before Xmas in case I come back from my Mum's and find the locks changed. Could have the older 2 here but risk husband being horrible to them and I would not want that. Having had a long standing agreement that I can take DS2 (4 year old) to my Mum's on Xmas Eve so we can all celebrate Xmas together he is now saying I have to pick him up on Xmas morning. This means I miss stocking opening with with either big kids or DS2. Husband does not even celebrate Xmas, he is Muslim. He says he has taken the week off to spend time with DS2 (I will be working up until Xmas eve afternoon), and therefore wants to spend all of Xmas Eve with him. I am raging. What should I do? Cannot think straight because I am so angry. Believe me as soon as I am back in the house I am registering my interest in the property, getting an occupation order and him out. Help... pease don't let Xmas be ruined. I want nothing more than to celebrate it with all my children together.

intothebreach Fri 18-Dec-15 21:53:16

This sounds so complicated, and you sound like you are so totally fed up and confused about the situation. Is there somebody wise and knowledgeable in your neighbourhood that you can talk to? (I mean somebody like a solicitor or women's safety worker or even counsellor who can help you unpick what is important in this situation. )

This seems such a difficult Christmas for you and your children. You are coping the best you can, and all your plans are being upset.

However, this one amazing, magical experience each year is not as important to our children as we often think. They are more affected by the quality of our general parenting and unconditional love throughout the rest of the year smile

Please try not to worry. Is only a week until Christmas, and you will simply have to do the best you can for this year - there is not time to make any major changes. Next year, you can make a decent plan for giving your children a great Christmas, and a better life in all ways smile

somanymiles Sat 19-Dec-15 14:09:25

Thank you... yes, you're right- probably more important to me than them. I have a good solicitor and we have made a plan - just have to wait until after Christmas to get started on it.

Morganly Sat 19-Dec-15 23:17:36

If you are planning to split anyway, do you actually have to do what he says? I know it's hard to stand up to him if you are not used to it, but the agreement was you went to your mum's with your son on Xmas Eve. Now he says you can't. What would be the consequences if you just did it anyway (without mentioning your long term plans)?

NA200712 Tue 22-Dec-15 15:41:04

He sounds very controlling, I think you are 100% doing the right thing by making plans to get him out of your life.

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