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How to tell DC and his carers you are getting divorced

(10 Posts)
iwillsurviveagain Sun 15-Nov-15 12:05:49

I need some hand holding here. I'm a bit unusual in that I've been the main earner by multiples in our relationship. DH had always opted to pursue career interests that he enjoyed but didn't pay well so he "could never afford" to pay the mortgage on our small flat in central London. I finally paid it off so several years ago so I could afford to send DS, who is preparing for 8+ exams in January, to private school. Relationship with DH was going down the pan over the past year as I have never forgiven him for his 2 affairs but it hit a low point when I found out DH has frittered away all of DS school fees monies that had been set aside. I can just barely afford to pay for DS pre-prep school fees and nanny on my own. DH has refused to move out of of our flat because he said he can't afford to rent and pay half the school fees and nanny. His daily criticism, interjections when I speak to DS, are making me miserable. I can hold out until January 2016 until after DS's exams. He is a bright boy and I'm damned if I'm going to let his feckless father rob him of a private school education that I've been saving up for all these years. How do I tell DS that his father's moving out?

ImperialBlether Sun 15-Nov-15 12:14:00

He's a bright boy, so you could tell him that his dad has had other girlfriends and that he's spent far too much money and you don't want to live with him any more. Will your son live with you after the divorce?

ImperialBlether Sun 15-Nov-15 12:15:09

Why didn't you kick him out after the first affair? Or the second? It seems he's done plenty to deserve being booted out.

iwillsurviveagain Sun 15-Nov-15 12:22:14

Imperial I'm obviously deluded that people can change if they want to change enough. The sordidness of affair 2 was enough to make me attempt suicide. STBXH is not currently in another relationship as far as I know. DS will absolutely live with me after the separation. I've offered STBXH unfettered access to DS so long as his bedtime and normal life is not compromised.

ImperialBlether Sun 15-Nov-15 12:44:37

Oh believe me, I've been deluded, too. I'm so sorry you felt so bad that you thought of suicide. It's such an assault on your self-esteem, isn't it? Does he know he's got to leave after Christmas? You must be absolutely hopping mad about the money on top of everything else.

Chillyegg Sun 15-Nov-15 12:52:51

I just think honesty is the best policy skip the gory details and state simply the facts.
"Me and dad are divorcing, we both love you dearly but your father's actions have become as such that we can no longer be together".

iwillsurviveagain Sun 15-Nov-15 14:20:41

Imperial, yes STBXH knows he needs to move out in January. Chilly I hope I can rise above it and just provide age appropriate explanations. What's the least worst time to tell DS. Would you tell DS's school in case he acts out in class?

PenelopePitstops Sun 15-Nov-15 14:33:39

Tell the school, please. It makes it easier to make allowances for any acting out, and means that any conversations with your dh don't upset them further.

flowers he sounds a knob.

PenelopePitstops Sun 15-Nov-15 14:34:17

Dc not dh!

iwillsurviveagain Sun 15-Nov-15 19:11:47

Thank you all for the hand holding. Should I tell DS on a Friday night before school holidays and then whisk him away for a mother son camping trip or just let it be a normal weekend. I'm most worried about DC.

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