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STBXH wants change to contact

(15 Posts)
FTS123 Thu 05-Nov-15 14:29:24

We have nothing formally agreed, and haven't had for the past 2.5 years. He is now requesting every other weekend and one night in the week, which I am happy to agree to. However he is refusing to pick them up from school on his days, and will only pick them up from me after I've picked them up from school. This makes it incredibly difficult to arrange my own work as I work overnights. This new arrangement is going to make my working life even harder than it has been. Surely I am not being unreasonable by asking him to pick them up on his days, or for him to arrange for someone else to, for example a childminder. Am I ? I'm sure I'm not. At the moment I arrange for someone else to help me out when it's my trun and I can't do it.....aaaaaaarrrrgh.

petalsandstars Thu 05-Nov-15 14:35:30

Nope YANBU to think he should collect from school on his days or arrange childcare if he can't manage it. Sounds like he wants to control/check up on you or have you pay for childcare instead of him.

bjrce Thu 05-Nov-15 15:59:15

He's being very unreasonable.
It does sound like he wants to still control you.
State on his days, he needs to pick up the dc. Otherwise you may need to get a shl involved or a meditator, his request for times sounds fine, he just needs to get his acr together regards picking up. Don't agree to his request. IRS unreasonable.

DivorceAlchemist Thu 05-Nov-15 18:37:12

No, you're not being unreasonable. If he cannot collect them, it's just as much his responsibility to arrange childcare as yours. Tell him you accept it's difficult for him but it is for you too so he will have to find a solution!

MidnightVelvetthe4th Sat 07-Nov-15 13:22:15

Say that you agree to his new arrangement as long as he picks them up from school as you can't do it. Refuse to be drawn into any wrangling, just say you can't do it so he has to & if he can't then the old arrangements will have to suffice.

Clutterbugsmum Sat 07-Nov-15 13:54:25

YANBU, If he want's them during the week then it's his day so he responsible for either picking them up or arrange and paying for any child care costs.

DoreenLethal Sat 07-Nov-15 14:00:16

However he is refusing to pick them up from school on his days, and will only pick them up from me after I've picked them up from school.

Dear STBXH - I don't quite think you have grasped that contact means it's your responsibility on those days from school onwards. If you are not willing to pick them up, then the contact falls back to me as usual to deal with it. I am not running about to pick them up just to hand them over, that would be utterly ridiculous. Let me know what you decide. Ta'

FTS123 Sun 08-Nov-15 19:50:18

He's had them this weekend, and according to his latest email events have escalated and he basically says he's going for custody sad

TooSassy Sun 08-Nov-15 20:28:15

On what basis OP? What's escalated?

Going for full custody? It doesn't work that way, for either parent. Unless something is really quite wrong with one of the parents (ie DC's are at risk of harm) a judge won't go for it

RB68 Sun 08-Nov-15 20:29:40

right and he is going to ask you to collect them from school every day is he - he is kicking off because he didn't get his own way!! Keep communication completely factual and to the point. Unless there is background we don't know about I can't see he would go to all that trouble and have to collect them 4 out of 5 days

trapdooragain Sun 08-Nov-15 20:31:42

be calm and state fine

did he send you and email about the contact arrangements that will give you more leverage if he did it shows he is being unreasonable

they will send it to mediation first anyway so dont panic yet any idea why he has escalated it like this?

trapdooragain Sun 08-Nov-15 20:32:18

get everything in writing from now on have a malfunctioning phone and only take text and email

FTS123 Sun 08-Nov-15 22:04:52

There's no background! I could understand if there was...hopefully a load of old bluster, it's all in emails and texts including from his solicitor. DCs in not in harms way whatsoever...clueless what he's going on about. Decided to do this without his solicitor from now on...hmm

Lonecatwithkitten Mon 09-Nov-15 09:44:47

So his solicitor said FTS is not being unreasonable you should arrange after school care on your days and he has thrown all his toys out of the pram and has sacked his solicitor.
Write an email confirming that you are happy to do the EOW etc contact he suggested, but on those days he will need to arrange after school care and then let him knock himself out.
You will be asked to go to mediation the mediator will say you are being reasonable if he then pushed it to court the judge will say you are being reasonable.
He will tantrum a lot as he is not getting his own way, you are being really reasonable and everyone can and will see it.

DoreenLethal Mon 09-Nov-15 11:02:33

I'd probably message back 'ha ha - you can't even pick your own kids up, how would you ever manage with them 24/7. You are a legend'.

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