when will the pain stop?

[bluedaisy72]

Hi all I'm new here and this is my first post. I had to seek comfort in some kind of forum...I feel so lost, confused, alone, angry , my emotions just keep changing.
Its a long story but basically my husband has been working abroad...he was away for 10 months out of the last 12.
I have been left to look after my autistic child and another child by myself.
I have waited patiently for him to come home on the odd occasion he did and put my life on hold until maybe this travel bug left his system.
He came home recently for 3 weeks.
We had an amazing time as a family and we decided he would leave the job abroad and we would start a fresh with new wedding rings etc...
As soon as he went back to work, his attitude changed drastically...
He said he was never coming back, that he had simply changed his mind, that he loved me but he wasn't in love with me...

I was devastated and sure there must be another woman involved...2 days ago he confessed he has a date next week, I don't believe him, I believe this has been going on for sometime.

The hurt and sorrow I am experiencing is like no other...its unbearable, I cant sleep or eat ...I cry every day and at work, I cry in the car....

I just need to know if anyone has any advice for me if you've got through the pain...because at the moment I cant see me getting through this it hurts so much...
hes refusing to speak to me after 11 years of us being very best friends...he was my life.
thank you if you read this or offer words of comfort or advice ..I would appreciate it x

[Homely1]

Hugs x

[MariaMorris]

So sorry to hear, it sucks. I does sound like he had somebody else :( . My advice, which might sound destructive but it's doing me good at the moment, is to hate him. Nurture the hatred. Try to make lists of things you are NOT going to miss about him. There's got to be some stuff. Also, distract yourself. Film, TV, friends, exercise, all the usual bullshit - it does help. Appreciate if you are looking after two kids you might not have that much time. But getting out of the house helps.

Big hugs.

[bluedaisy72]

Thanks for the messages...maria are you going through the same?
Ive been reading some older posts on here from people who have been through this, it just seems that it takes a long time before I will begin to feel any better if at all....
never experienced such pain before in my whole life
x

[MariaMorris]

I am, although not quite as bad. I'm going through marital breakdown at the moment - my husband left me for the second time. Now, I went through it with him once before (we were separated for 18 months), it was terrible, I let him back in and now he did it again 2 years later. You have to be a special kind of idiot to let somebody do this to you for the second time, and I was that special kind of idiot.

We have a kid, so unfortunately I still have to see him (we are co-parenting), and I have significant money problems this situation has created that I have no idea how to solve.

Anger is working for me at the moment.

Another thing. And I'm normally in a minority of one on this one when I talk to people, but here it is: consider temporarily going on anti-depressants. I did it a few times in my life when I was going through a very difficult patch - one of them was the first time my husband left me - and they did end up helping me. If you break your leg, you put it in a cast. Anti-depressants can have the same function.

I really feel for you. It will start getting better with time, I promise. xx

[Elliesyummymummy]

Hugs hun...
It hurts like hell doesnt it, I never thought an emotional response could physically hurt like it does.
I should of put my foot down last year but got sucked back in with alk the usual bullshit and promises, found out he never completely cut contact with 'her'.
He left the 9th of July, said she wasn't in his life...I was coping (ish) then 3 weeks later I got hit with the train, he was with her....I collapsed on the floor, my body was struggling to remember how to breath, it was a week of total hell....emotionals everywhere, anger, hate, confusion, self pity, violent thoughts to do with cross bows and his genitals....you get the drift, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, my saving grace was the school holidays, I had to function for the kids!!
The end of that week I slapped myself (literally), I wrote everything that was wrong, bad and poisonus from the 6 years....then I wrote to him, everything that was in my head, I did it over a couple of days and kept adding as things popped up. I also gave him permission to be with her, told him I wanted him to be happy and to make it worth it...guess what, 2 days later he came crawling back....again the promises and bullshit, I told him it was done, over but he convinced me.....this Monday coming he will of been gone again two weeks, I kicked him out again because he wasn't holding up his end AGAIN....that day I messaged her and took control, I gave him to her, my cast off waste of space I passed him on....and she's taken him back lol
Anyway, it still hurts, I have good days then suddenly out of nowhere it smacks me in the face but I'm coping now, I'm forcing myself to embrace every emotion and deal with it not ignor or hide it, and it's working!!

This time 6 weeks ago I was on the floor not knowing how to excist, I'm now learning I can do this and I'm a strong independent woman and he can go fuck himself :)

[limcelloinprosecco]

I know how you feel, I’m going to the same thing and agree its like a physical pain. I suspected he was having an affair for about 6 weeks before we split. He denied it but there was too much suspicious behaviour. He moved out 4 weeks ago, found out a couple of days ago he’s been seeing the person I suspected he was having an affair with. He insists that they’ve only been on couple of dates and nothing happened while we were still together but I don’t believe him. I hate that it bothers me and that I’m not in the same place in terms of ready to move on.
Let’s hope it gets easier quickly xxxx

[Minime85]

You can and will get through it. In time you'll find you can live a real life that is full not waiting for him to return.

Get help where you can. I found this forum a great place to get advice and just realise I wasn't alone as in RL it felt like it.

Two years on I'm doing ok with new beginnings in love and my home. Sending hugs xx