How to manage contact when there's no fixed routine

[wheresthedummy]

Hi - I am just about to finally make the first step towards separating from my husband. We have three children under 3 years. As my husband is self employed and also works freelance, his hours aren't regular. I can already foresee that it's going to be a problem trying to arrange regular, consistent visitation when his working pattern varies from week to week. How de we minimise the impact on our children though?

[abearcalledpaddington]

What about evenings? could he regularly have them then?

Could he not just have one day where he says he has them and can't work on that day?

[midnightvelvetPart2]

You could arrange the visits at the weekend only? Have a specific day & time when he comes & the children will be used to him coming then.

If he insist on in-week visits then make it clear that its detrimental to the children to mess with their routine all of the time. He has to pick an evening & stick to it, you will be flexible but their needs come first & interrupted bedtimes & evenings when he doesn't show will not help them. Be firm, he has a right to see them but not at their detriment & his needs do not trump theirs :)

[Minime85]

Hi there. My exh works shifts. I have those shifts two months in advance and plan out access around his days off/early or late starts etc. is that a possibility? I don't like it as kids can't get a routine and neither can I but its best we can do. Kids used to it as their dad always worked shifts

[RandomMess]

The dc are very young so little and often to start with. I think you just need to see how it goes I was very amicable with my ex so we never needed anything else. Every situation is different though.

[Minime85]

Forgot to say to start with they just went for a few hours and then the day not overnight as they weren't ready to do that.

[Dreamingofchocolate2]

My ex and I had a similar situation, his work varied so he never had a proper routine (even working some weekends) after many years of me telling him his visits weren't consistent (and it falling on deaf ears) we went to mediation. There we spoke about the issues and have an agreement of every other weekend and every other week he gets two days. (Or school pick ups) it's all voluntary so if he breaks it, if and when I go to court, they will want to know why he broke a voluntary agreement and it goes in my favour. Sometimes things aren't always smooth and there have been ups and downs. But ultimately my only interest is my DS.