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Unreasonable Behaviour

(9 Posts)
TheEndIsInSight Tue 30-Dec-14 09:05:41

Sorry, me again! I'm filing for divorce, mutual decision to divorce as we haven't been happy for a number of years. Young child involved so we just want things to be over and done with quickly. All of the advice services in my local area are closed until 5th January, when I will be seeing someone in person to help me muddle through; I have to apply for housing, benefits, etc.
Anyway, the unreasonable behaviour section to fill in. When I start to write the reasons down they read to be quite trivial. As there hasn't been any dv etc. There has been ea but its hard to explain it. Also I don't want to paint stbxh as a complete arse (even though he is), as it may create problems with him getting defensive etc. But in a nutshell I was continually placed bottom of the pile, especially during pregnancy (I had severe sickness, ended up on drips in A&E, garlic was one of my triggers. He insisted on continuing to eat garlic so I'd be unable to keep even water down and he refused to sleep in separate beds even though the smell had me throwing up through the night. See, sounds trivial but actually really wasn't!) and after birth of our child it became worse. MIL waded in. Suffice to say we have shared a house but nothing more for the last three years. I've finally plucked up the confidence to realise that I'm going to be ok by myself, as apart from a physical presence I'm doing this by myself emotionally anyway. So even through the incidents are small compared to what others have been through, are the courts likely to grant me my freedom?

CalicoBlue Tue 30-Dec-14 10:42:12

Hi, sorry that you are going through this, it is tough.

It is ridiculous that our divorce laws are so outdated that we can not have no fault divorce, apart from to live apart for two years.

When I got divorced my ex would not let me divorce him for unreasonable behaviour, so he divorced me for adultery. I had to say that on an undisclosed date with an undisclosed person I committed adultery. It was true, but not the reason our marriage broke down.

My solicitor did tell me that unreasonable behaviour did not have to be extreme, it could be that he showed no consideration to your needs, did not support you in the daily tasks in the house, had a social life separate to you, etc.

I would doubt a court would refuse a divorce if both parties were in agreement. Whatever you divorce for and whoever is the 'guilty' one, it makes no difference to the financial and contact agreements.

Your solicitor will be able to explain all this. Good luck.

millymollymoomoo Tue 30-Dec-14 11:48:47

You can usually site what appears quite trivial but you need to be specific....eg...on x date I asked him not to eat garlic as he knew this would trigger my sickness. He went ahead and as a result I suffered 2 days of illness during which time he did not offer any assistance. List 3 or 4 things.If your stbexh is not contesting they divorce it won't matter too much and does not impacts any financial settlement. Can you sit down and agree what to include?

FlowerFairy2014 Tue 30-Dec-14 15:07:55

There is one ground for divorce - marriage has broken down. You do indeed have to prove that in various ways such as separation. However just about any marriage you can write an unreasonable behaviour petition and no one will succeed in try to argue it is not unreasonable so in essence there is divorce on demand.

Just write 5 or 6 examples down eg - failure to consider my needs which involved many types of conduct but including [ give garlic example], no sexual relations for three years, etc etc. It's dead easy and he will not defend it. Nicer people send each other a draft first so they can change bits they do not agree with - our solicitors did that although it is not required by law.

Minime85 Wed 31-Dec-14 06:23:33

Yep agree with others 5-6 reasons. I put dates on some of them due to specific arguments. But included too lack of sexual contact, on his phone in other room etc. I was advised by someone to only use examples from the 6 months before u split but I don't know how important that is. I did all my own paperwork and it went through no problem in 5 months from start to absolute being issued. I did show him it before it was sent off so it wasn't a shock when it turned up on the doormat

FlowerFairy2014 Wed 31-Dec-14 07:08:28

Ah yes, I think it must be in lsat 6 months otherwise might be taken that you accepted the conduct by allowing it to continue.

Minime85 Wed 31-Dec-14 10:43:00

If you google it websites come up that can help you with the wording of it. I used those. Are you still living together? Just I used that as one of mine to show it had broken down that he had left the marital home and not come back

arlagirl Thu 08-Jan-15 11:47:59

Oh its ridiculous. H is divorcing me on grounds of unreasonable behaviour when actually I was the one who wanted to divorce. The reasons were laughable. Total bollocks

BrassicaBabe Sun 11-Jan-15 12:18:23

When I divorced ex-h I filled the form in with 5 as weak as i could manage examples of UB I emailed them to him so that he had a little warning snd seeing them on court paperwork wasn't the first time. I think it eased things ....

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