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Would it be weird to say this now?

(20 Posts)
wherewouldyoulive Fri 23-Aug-13 23:02:11

We are not getting separated or divorcing at the moment. But I sometimes imagine we could be separated eventhough the chances are low. Would it be weird if I tell my husband NOW not to date someone until divorce is completed if we get to separated?
My husband has ever said a couple of times he would find somewhere to live during 5-6 years of marriage.

purplewithred Fri 23-Aug-13 23:06:36

Yes it would.

Lonecatwithkitten Sat 24-Aug-13 07:58:56

Yes it would and even if you did if he was so minded he would probably ignore/forget this when it came to the crunch.

MirandaWest Sat 24-Aug-13 08:00:55

That would be weird. And besides if you and he did separate its not like you would be able to stop who he dated or when he did it.

wherewouldyoulive Sat 24-Aug-13 13:50:47

Isnt it adultery if your spouse dates someone during separation because you are still legally married?

Llareggub Sat 24-Aug-13 13:53:44

I suppose technically it is. I'm not divorced yet but I've dated a few men and been in a fairly long relationship too. The legal process of divorce isn't complete but in my head it is totally over.

But to answer your other question, yes, I think it is weird to ask your husband not to date following separation.

wherewouldyoulive Sat 24-Aug-13 14:12:46

If your spouse dates someone during separation or divorce process shouldnt adultery be added to the ground of divorce petition?

Mintyy Sat 24-Aug-13 14:14:47

There are strange questions. What are you really asking?

Llareggub Sat 24-Aug-13 14:33:40

I would be quite happy for my ex to divorce me. He can bloody pay for it too! Why aren't you responding to any of the posts?

Onesleeptillwembley Sat 24-Aug-13 14:42:07

You sound like a control freak. Separate and go your own way with dignity.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 24-Aug-13 14:44:12

If you are separated, then the reason for marital breakdown cannot be adultery as the marital relationship had already ended. Anyway OP, if you think you can dictate what a spouse does post seperation you are hillariously and very much mistaken.

Anyway it is weird that you're even posting this. It would be very weird if you said it. Why would you?

Collaborate Sat 24-Aug-13 15:18:38

Dione that's not right. You can commit adultery even though you're separated. The only requirement is you're still married. No need to still be living together.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 24-Aug-13 15:26:44

I wasn't saying that you couldn't cite it in divorce papers. I was saying that it would be ridiculous and disengenuous, not to mention twattish, spiteful and controlling, to do so when the relationship had already broken down.

wherewouldyoulive Sat 24-Aug-13 17:06:55

I think it's courtesy to wait until the divorce is completed.

Lizzabadger Sat 24-Aug-13 17:11:53

If you want to leave your husband leave him, but you don't then get to dictate whether he dates. Why would you want to, anyway?

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 24-Aug-13 17:40:47

I think it's unrealistic to even try to exert that much control over someone you are no longer in a romantic relationship with OP. Especially when the process can be lengthy and acriminious.

Chubfuddler Sat 24-Aug-13 17:43:45

Good luck with your hypothetical separation and divorce op.

There is no requirement or discernible benefit to add adultery to a divorce petition already in process if you discovered your ex OH had formed a new relationship. It would be completely pointless and just create delay.

MirandaWest Sat 24-Aug-13 17:50:15

My XH and I are getting divorced on the grounds of two years separation. We've both been being adulterous (although he started it with an affair) but it isn't mentioned in the divorce petition as there's no need.

Mojavewonderer Wed 25-Sep-13 20:26:28

Yes OP it would be weird and what right do you have to tell your (ex) husband to do anything after you've separated. Do your husband a favour and let him go and find someone who isn't controlling!

WantToMakeTheBestDecionForEver Tue 01-Oct-13 09:55:50

It depends where you live, globally. If you are in a country where adultery is illegal, it does matter. By law it is adultery until you are divorced. Whether you care, is another matter.

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