?Splitting up(2 Posts)
What shall I do?
My husband and I have been married for almost 8 yrs but together for 14 yrs. It has always been an up and down relationship though as I am finding out as is often the case since we have had kids the problems seem worse. (They are 5 and 3) We had relationship counselling last year and we and the counsellor gave up. My husband is not one for sharing and our last session saw the cousellor taking the whole hour to persuade him to put some time aside to talk to me. Some how we have kept it together and he has definitely made lots of effort. However he is not doing this willingly and obviously resents that he no longer races 2-3 times per week and gave up racing for the last summer though now wants to take it up again. I work 25 hrs a week which is not huge I know but I have to do pretty much everything around the house and am expected to be cool with his demands. I am regularly told to calm down when I am tearing about getting kids ready to be dropped off at their morning care so I can leave by 7.15. My husband stands by and watches. He seems incapable of helping though pays lip service to it ocassionally when he moans that I go to bed earlier than him. (we are invariably in seperate beds these days)
If things continue like this it is doable but it is not real. I do not want to sleep with him. I am losing respect for him and am increasingly feeling we are headed different directions. I want to move towards the suburbs. We have a lovely house south london but could afford something really special near fantastic schools which is my main reason for wanting to leave. My idea of fun involves kids and outdoors family life. My husband's is some family life accomodated outside his cycling / training requirements.
This is going round in my head and for probably 2 years I am planning what I would do when I leave. Financially I would be okay and am mostly resolved that splitting is right but I do not know when is the right time. Is it normal to stay with someone you think is an arse. Who is rude and ignorant to friends and that my family also think is a pratt?
Yes, it is quite common to stay with an arse. We often do it for the wrong reason, which is for the sake of the children or perhaps we are 'frightened' to be alone.
I used to work as a family lawyer and felt so sad when I had new clients come to see me in their 40's and 50's who had been in unhappy marriages for 20 years and had only stayed until the children had left home. What a waste of their lives
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