DIY divorce

[monsterchops]

So me and my husband of nearly 5 years are getting a divorce. I am looking to do this myself without a solicitor to save time and money. We have agreed maintenance, child contact and splitting of assets.

the grounds are unreasonable behaviour. He cheated in Aug 2008 just after our first child was born, we had counselling but i never got over it. He has since continued to chat to women and in Nov 2012 he was messaging a woman and asking her to come round for sex. I called it a day then and since then he has had sex with various other women.

What should i list as the reasons?? as does the recent adultery count even though we were separated?

we also have a 4 and 3 year old but i am hoping as long as we agree to everything there is no need for a solicitor??

anyone help??

[olgaga]

You'll find lots of useful and links here, but to be quite honest I would take advice from a solicitor, even if you do all the preparation yourself.

[STIDW]

It's not too complicated to do the actual divorce yourself if you are prepared to do some research and form filling. The Which? guide to divorce whatever it is called these days is a useful resource and family solicitor John Bolch has written a guide which is available from his blog, Family Lore.

The problem is you can't use adultery in an unreasonable behaviour petition and unless your husband signs a written confession an adultery petition can be difficult to prove as you need evidence that sexual intercourse took place. What you can do is state in he has had inappropriate relationships with other women in a UB petition. You would need to find 4 or 5 other examples of UB. Typical examples are lack of intimate relations, not helping with the chores spending too much time doing hobbies, watching sport or playing computer games, calling you a moose etc.

If you happened to be in Scotland the burden of proof is greater for UB and adultery and most people divorce after one years separation with consent or two years without.

What most people can't do themselves (unless they happen to be a family solicitor) is draft the financial settlement. Many people think they don't need a settlement but in England & Wales without one claims aren't dismissed and either spouse can claim against the other spouse in the future even though they aren't divorced. For example assets could be split, one spouse spends their share and then claims against the other spouses share. NOt consulting a family solicitor about the finances is often a false economy.

[monsterchops]

thanks for the responses. since we separated he has had sexual intercourse with a woman (3 days after we agreed to separate) and i am under the understanding that this still counts as adultery as no divorce proceedings were in place. also the financial side of things is pretty simple. we have no joint debts, separate cars which are ours individually, no house (we are in armed forces accommodation), no savings as they have been spent purchasing additional car recently. so we have no assets to speak of. Yes i will be entitled to his pension in the future but he is aware of this and there is no issue.

[MooseBeTimeForCoffee]

Check whether any local Solicitors offer an advice clinic on your base. The firm I worked at used to do this.

His adultery wasn't the reason for the breakdown of the marriage. You would be better off citing UB and using his subsequent "relationships inconsistent with the marriage" as one of your examples. If things are amicable you can discuss and agree the examples with him.

You need a financial order to guarantee you get some of his pension. Once you divorce you are no longer his next of kin. He could change that to a new partner. A Solicitor will help you with this. If it is straightforward it won't be expensive. Go see someone for a free half hour first.

If you go to your local County Court you should be able to pick up a pack containing all the forms and guidance notes. Or you can download them from the court website www.justice.gov.uk

[Collaborate]

I am a family solicitor. You can still use the adultery. I presume that after you found out about it there was no way back? therefore as a result of the adultery the marriage has broken down irretrievably.

Just make sure you have proof of it. Ideally it will be in the form of a confession statement, but could be something else (text? email?).