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Relationship over and DS is only 5 mths old :(

(8 Posts)
girlwithouttattoo Mon 11-Jul-11 16:27:17

I'd been with my DP for nearly 6 years and gave birth to our DS in January this year following hypertension in late pregnancy and an emergency C section. Two months ago I was diagnosed with PND and although our relationship was tenuous throughout my pregnancy I just put this down to hormones/work stress and to some extent DP's work related problems/ depression as I noticed a change in him too. No longer fun loving but continually angry with everyone and eveything. Two weeks ago my DP said he no longer loved me, hadn't for months and could not live with me anymore - not to my face but whilst I was visiting relatives 200 miles away. I'd always had some reservations as to whether he would be happy in another relationship as two years before meeting me his partner of 12 years walked out on him taking his DD away from him. He has always said he would do anything for his kids but obviously not enough to stay with me. I am hurt, angry and confused as to why my family disintigrated? Not only have I lost what I always wanted but also my SD, and the stable family unit we all shared together. I just don't know what to do? He is refusing my calls and the caring, sharing family man I once knew is gone. Its now come down to, 'Here's your maintenance, now FF and bring up our son'.....6 years together and its all gone down the pan. What can I do? I love him and want my family back?

sparklyjewlz Mon 11-Jul-11 16:50:06

So sorry.
Do you have family support? I have no useful advice to give you sad. It almost sounds like he is suffering from PND.

girlwithouttattoo Mon 11-Jul-11 17:07:34

Thanks. I'm staying with my mum at the moment and just giving my ex what he wants as I think if I try and talk to him he'll just be resentful. I'm going to ask my gp if I can get counselling as a starting point for my own sanity.

sparklysu Tue 12-Jul-11 08:44:42

Hi, my friend has just told me about this website as i am also going through the same thing, was told by soon to be ex hubby just a few days ago over the phone while i was abroad and he was in uk that it was over , been argueing a little while but im in complete shock and have a 9 month old baby. Im staying with family but feel so lost. He wont speak to me and has his first solicitors appointment today i have no idea where it will go from there and still cant believe he is doing this. Life sucks!!!! Hope your ok xx

girlwithouttattoo Tue 12-Jul-11 12:02:46

Hey sparklysu, hope you're doing ok today? I still don't think its quite sunk in for me. I look at my little one and think, how can he abandon us, considering his previous partner walked out on him. (He came home one day to find the house had been cleared!) He says he know's he's done the same to me but if we stay together I'd end up hating him but I'd rather hate him than feel abandoned, my family stripped away...... I think its just a total cop out on his behalf and he can't handle being with his second child full time when he see's his elder daughter only twice a week. He's suffered from depression before and I helped him through it. Why can't men offer the same support to their women in return?! I also went to see a solicitor last week to discuss letting him have access for a few hours every two weeks and have yet to hear back. (I don't have any rights to the house as I moved in with him). At the end of the day he caused this so he should make the 180 mile trip to see his son whilst I'm on maternity leave. He hasn't even text me to see how the baby is. I'd suggest you get legal advice too, maybe if you counter act what he is doing he may come to his senses in time. Stand your ground, he's the one that caused this and don't let him pressure you into making any rash decisions, you need to think of yourself and the little one. I'm hoping in time I'll be able to talk to my XP and get a mediation service involved but we'll see what this week brings. Stay strong and I'm here if you need a sounding board xx

sparklysu Tue 12-Jul-11 21:43:26

Hi,

I am actually doing okay today so well that i think i may still be kidding myself, do you have days like that? He picked the baby up yesterday and dropped her off this afternoon and came to my mums door with his mother! Ive never heard anythin like it but thats the kind of guy he is, he wouldnt talk to me and said talk through solicitors which is so annoying, i have an appointment next wednesday but need to put myself on the council list as we live in an army house abroad i will now be moving back to the uk after two months, thats all he has given us away, i think hes messed up in the head as we had a perfect life over there and our baby loved it now hes going to be living in a single room with no daughter and less money. Its his loss though and i hope he regrets it. I might sound okay today but tommoz is a different story..... Things happen for a reason though as they say and we have to stay strong!! :-) xxx

girlwithouttattoo Tue 12-Jul-11 22:32:50

Hi,

Yes, totally normal to have days like these. I'm finding it hard to accept that I will no longer be returning to our 'home.' I spent most of today thinking XP would call and ask for a reconciliation......Who am I kidding......

That's very mature of your H, bringing his mother along for support. Was she acting as his body guard? Honestly! What did he think you would do? grin

If he wants to talk through the solicitor, give him what he wants, you should be able to get legal aid if you are still on maternity. Don't let him hold all the cards and if he wants to talk without a solicitor either say 'no' until you are truly ready. Whatever you do think practically for now (really hard I know) and make sure you start calling the shots. Its time we toughened up!

Do you think your STBX could have feelings for someone else? I asked my 'X' and he denied it which I believe, but I wish I knew what was going on in his head. Judging from all various posts on this sight it seems a number of men can't handle being grown ups. Let me know how you get on xx

sparklysu Thu 14-Jul-11 09:59:54

Hey, feeling pretty dam sick today he phoned yesterday to say he wanted my bank details to pay maintenance and he and his solicitor will decide on a amount, i havent give him them as i need to discuss it with my solicitor dont i. Hes going to get in touch today or tommoz to see the baby and the thought of seeing him makes me feel sick. I truly want this to be a dream and it hurts so much that its happening. I dont think he's met anyone but just wants the freedom and easy life of no nagging wife, i just hope when he goes back to his camp he will be lonely as no family around him then.

xxx

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