Stay at home or move to care home

[Classicf]

I have name changed as don’t want to link to other posts but I’m a long standing mumsnetter. My mother has Alzheimer’s and currently at home with full time live in carer. It generally works well and DM enjoys being in her own home. My siblings would like her to move to a small nice specialist care home nearer them. Currently I live closer to her so I tend to be the family member who visits most and a lot of the “running the house” tasks seem to fall to me. It’s quite a responsibility as I’m also a full time worker and single mother. I can see that if I agreed to the move for DM to a care home it would be much more straightforward for me, I could simply visit without all the additionally roles I have to fulfil currently. My siblings think it would be good for her as they state they would visit more, she could “make friends” etc etc. I’m not so sure. She’s a fairly formidable character and likes things her own way. I fear she could really hate the move and cause mayhem for the other residents and staff. Whereas in her own home she’s largely calm although does have her moments.
I can’t decide whether I should agree to the move, or whether her wish to stay in her own home is paramount. To give context she is cognitively at an advanced stage of dementia (not knowing how to blow out candles on her cake for context), but physically fairly fit and well and able bodied. I would welcome any advice. Myself and siblings have shared power of attorney and we are self funding. Thanks in advance.

[Shineonyoucrazy]

Hi younger people without dementia have a rather rosy view of care home life, in my opinion it's a last resort when there is no other way of the person staying healthy, safe and well. Staff are care homes are generally dedicated, compassionate and skilled but there are never enough on duty for residents to have prolonged individual attention. People with dementia find it really hard generally to make new friends, particularly with other people with such advanced dementia that they cannot be at home. Your Mum is used to living in her own home, with her own things and being somewhere she has known for a long time, and in this familiar environment she can rely on very deep seated knowledge and memories which are more resistant to the Alzheimer's. If she goes somewhere new, everything there will be a thousand times more difficult for her to understand and learn and if she's an opinionated, independent, stubborn type of person it will be more difficult than if she's always been a go with the flow, placid sort. If the live in support is sustainable I'd stick with that.
I really do get how time consuming it is to run someone else's home and life though, particularly as you are also an employer of care. If the live in carer comes from an Agency would the Registered Manager take on things like organising gardener, cleaner, servicing appliances, shopping, booking and getting your Mum to medical appointments, sorting l/buying her clothes and shoes, house maintenance/repairs. You would need to pay but may be worthwhile. Or would your siblings take on more? I've worked with families where one sib does all work relating to finances and property and the other all health and social and this can be done from a distance. Wishing you the best, whatever you decide

[Classicf]

Thanks @shineonyoucrazy for your thoughtful response. It is much appreciated. You have confirmed a lot of what I suspected. I think we should hang on at home until something indicates it is not sustainable. I did visit a few care homes for research purposes prior to COVID and must confess they really did seem end of life type places. I definitely need to try to delegate more tasks out within the family whether they like it or not.