Starting home care / finding a carer

[EddSimcox]

My DM has Alzheimers, early stage so far. She is completely in denial and has refused the tests so I don't know how early, but she has quite extreme behaviour at times. By some miracle she has had a brain scan and therefore has a diagnosis but she won't go to the memory clinic or accept there is a problem. My DDad is caring for her, and is very determined to allow her to keep as much autonomy as possible for as long as possible. She doesn't need help with personal care but my dad is exhausted and it's getting harder and harder for him to manage everything himself.

I know that a social services assessment is the usual first step to getting any care or support, but in her case she will not be eligible for anything free and she will not co-operate with a social worker I'm sure. And she won't accept a carer either at the moment.

So I'm wondering if there is any way of getting someone privately without going through an assessment, and if so how would I go about it? It would need to be introduced very slowly and carefully. Could I somehow present it as a new neighbour or something - just start with a cup of tea a couple of times a week, no caring at all, but build a relationship for when more help is needed? Or does that sound impossible? My parents are moving in January, so it will be very disorienting, but also possibly a good opportunity to start doing things slightly differently and it would be good to use that change to start setting something up.

If I were just to hire a carer privately how would I go about it? Are any agencies good? My mum can be very difficult and I'm very worried about finding someone who can cope with that and still be kind.

[pithivier]

Is your mum getting attendance allowance. This is not means tested. You can down load the forms and try for this.it will help a bit towards costs.

I do t know how to Employ a private career, but I did get my parents a cleaner by telling them that the District nurse had sent her.

[Shadowridge]

Understand what is out there. Ageuk and Alzhiemers websites will help with this.

If you dont want a care assessment there are other benefits - carers allowance, attendance allowance .Personal care is free in Scotland - not sure where you are.

You can employ a personal assistant or a care agency that specialises in Alzhiemers - there will be links on your council website of info about care choices. It is worth noting thst there can be a high turnover in this sector so if you choose a care agency you might not always get the same carer or they may leave. A personal assistant that you employ directy may suit you better.

[EddSimcox]

They will accept a cleaner. But it's really respite for dad that we need - in the house because if we tried to get her to a day centre (unlikely she would cross the threshold anyway) she would insist on him staying with her.

[EddSimcox]

What about just a companion? does such a thing exist still? It sounds like something you would have advertised for in the Lady about 50 years ago.

[Ciutadella]

I would check out the council website and see if there is anything on social care, elderly care services etc. That should at least give you a number to call to discuss what is available. I'm sure you can do it privately but they may be able to tell you what agencies they use and so on,

Good luck - such a difficult situation.

[MoreProseccoNow]

OP, do you mind me asking how you got on? Am in pretty much the same situation.

My DD has dementia & never reality acknowledged it, my DM is his carer but needing a break. He wouldn't agree to respite. So we're trying to organise some kind of home carer too.

I hope you managed to get something sorted.

[JamDonutsRule]

We did this for my DGM, although it was because of frailty not dementia.

All you need to do is phone up a care agency and explain what you want, I'm sure they'll be accommodating.