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DP is really depressed, help! Any advice from a mans point of view?

5 replies

anightmareonMegletstreet · 29/10/2007 08:55

My DP is really poorly and depressed. We have an 11 month old DS who is quite wonderful but DP's mood went down after he arrived. It was an emergency c-section which he witnessed, I wonder if he was freaked out by it? He is in £35k of debt which will take approx 10 years to pay off, we have been to citizens advice and they have stopped the interest. Luckily it is my house - purchased before we met, and it is my car so we are not at risk of losing the roof over our heads. He is understandably frustrated about not having anything to his name but for the time being it is impossible to change it.

He is becoming more tetchy and angry and getting narky in front of our DS. I am at my wits end and don't know how we can get through it.

He has a docs apt tomorrow as I think he would benefit from medical help. He has acknowledged he is depressed but it's becoming unbearable.

Any experience / advice. I'm at work today so won't be able to MN 'til this evening. Thanks for any help!

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ShedBuddy · 30/10/2007 13:38

Maybe the arrival of your DS has brought out the feeling that he should be providing for and be a good example to DS. With so much dept and not being the stereotypical Dad figure, king of his castle, his self esteem could be pretty low.

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anightmareonMegletstreet · 30/10/2007 14:45

yes, thats what I think it might be. He's not very good at expressing himself either. he has a VERY traditional background and is a typical sun reading, lager drinking bloke. I think its knocked him for six being a dad.

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ShedBuddy · 30/10/2007 15:47

It is great as a dad being able to provide things for your kids but one of the best things to give is your time. It is more important that your DP spend time with your DS than money, that can come when the debts are paid off.

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QuietMan · 30/10/2007 19:18

It's great he's got a docs appt though. Does he have a supportive family as well (as in mother/father/siblings etc?) - they can be invaluable too in situations like this.

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anightmareonMegletstreet · 31/10/2007 09:34

quietman - DP's family are the most hideous unsupportive family I have ever known . And thats me biting my lip!

My mum is being really lovely to him. She's very patient with people and is being supportive to me too. Shes babysitting this morning so we can go for a swim

I think the money is at the root of the problem though so we are going to see a financial advisor who may help us plan our long term future. I'm paying a bit more on the mortgage each month and DP will increase his loan re-payments. I just hope he realises that he can't keep being nasty and alienating me.