Advice for a mum to give to a new worried daddy to be

[Emmah1993]

Hi
I'm pretty new here! I have a 3 year old son, and I've just found out I am about 8 weeks pregnant with baby number two with my boyfriend who's taken on my son as his own.

I've been on contraception since my son was born and fell pregnant on the pill, obviously completely unplanned...

He's been distant since we found out, causing arguments and has gotten 'lazy' in the relationship and parenting my son. He keeps causing arguments and keeping things from me. He's obviously in shock and is very anxious about this all, as most first time dads are. He's a planner, he has made a time line for him to work to, which doesn't include any "surprise" plans.

I'm just wandering what more I can do to help him.. I'm the bread winner, I pay for everything, I keep everyone afloat but it's all left me feeling very alone and unwanted. I've told him how his actions/ reactions have left me feeling but won't reciprocate and speak to me.

Please help, advice, if you've been in his shoes, what helped you, if you've had to deal with this, what did you do, I want to help him see that all though this is a surprise, it's not a regret and it will be worth it. I want him to enjoy the pregnancy, the journey etc with me and the family we have become.

Thanks

[Ragusa]

Good grief he sounds like really hard work. All this you 'working to help him feel better ' business, all that loving care on your part. Where is his loving care for you?

You can't force him to be happy about the news but if he really, really didn't want a baby why did he not double up and put a condom on??

Please don't take on responsibility for fixing this yourself. Been there, done that, would never do it again.

[PortionsForFoxxxes]

Firstly, congratulations. Secondly he might be surprised and/or in shock but ultimately you can’t force him to engage if he doesn’t want to and you can’t make him happy about the situation. Maybe he’ll come round (although personally I’d have a hard time forgiving the behaviour you’ve described and he’d really have to work to make it up to me) but your priority should be making sure you’re financially set to cover any drop in income during maternity leave and childcare costs once you return to work. Especially as it doesn’t sound like he’s contributing financially at all...