Hi everyone, I thought my days of posting on message board were long behind me, so go easy on me please.
In February I was fortunate enough to meet a lovely separated woman in her late 20s with a (then) two year old daughter. She had been with her husband almost seven years, though they'd only got married last year, something she said she felt forced into by him and his family. They separated in October last year after only a few months, in her words due to a combination of him being generally irresponsible, more interested in partying and drinking than being a dad, suspected adultery and just a lack of spark. It was amicable enough, their daughter alternates weekends and they still spoke.
While we were together he was keen to get her to try again, bombarding her with messages, crying on the phone etc, all of which I can completely understand and I don't hold any grudge or animosity toward him for wanting his family back. Around six weeks ago she said that all of the pressure from him and from his family and friends had got too much, and that coupled with work pressure she wanted to cool things off for a bit and see how things went, which I agreed to do and we've spoken intermittently on the phone and by message since.
In the last fortnight she conceded that she has now decided that she does want to try again with him, but only because she thinks it will make their daughter (now three) happier. Without wanting to go into all the soppy details, she's told me time and again during this period that she loves me and doesn't want to do this, but doesn't feel that she has a choice. Their daughter has to come first, which I wholly understand.
Over the last few days we've been more open with one another, culminating in a very emotional exchange and her making it very clear that she sees her future with me in her heart, but has to try again although she's sure things won't work but she has to be seen to try. Today, she proposed that we should continue to see one another while she tries again provided I'm comfortable with it and don't mind sharing her because she knows he can't give her the intimacy, passion and love that she needs.
I love her to pieces, I truly do, but there's something deeply uncomfortable about the prospect of essentially being a booty call for the evenings where they aren't together. Her argument is that she's not trying to rekindle their marriage, but trying to recreate a stable parental environment for their daughter where they do things together at weekends rather than separately.
In my head, I feel that I should walk away because I know it's not fair on any of them if she's not committed to what she's doing, but at the same time, if she's not committed to it I can't rationalise why she's going through with it. In my heart, I want to stick it out because I have every confidence that the whole facade will come crashing down around them.
Being told this evening when she asked to meet me 'We can message tomorrow morning, but I'll be with him in the afternoon and evening and then free at night if you want to come over and see me' leaves me feeling used quite frankly. And I can't help but sympathise and feel guilty toward him, though we've never met, for the fact she's essentially stringing him along.
So I reach out to the wise Mumsnet community to ask; despite the pain and hurt it will cause us both if I walk away, is that the right thing to do for all involved?
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Partner Pressured to Try Again with Ex
12 replies
CJR32 · 25/11/2017 01:14
OP posts:
CJR32 ·
25/11/2017 02:07
Perhaps I'm just trying to justify sticking around and not wanting to let her go, but deep down I think the writing is on the wall. And you're right on the cheating issue, I'll commence the search for that someone who'll make me their priority as you suggested.
Thanks for your time and input 
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