feeling worthless

[JohnEdwardMorris]

hey guys first time poster.
basically I have been really ill about this to the point where I'm having full blown panic attacks.
me and my partner did IVF in Liverpool after 4 years of trying and getting upset cause I wanted a baby and it worked great I have a little boy on the way in December.
what got me hurt was I came to every appointment to see the midviwes scans,everything.i thought that id be so involved seeing as it was my idea to have a baby and my girlfriend couldn't conceive.so I said in jest to the midwife I bet the chairs are uncomfortable sating the night with a curtain...she then gave my a glare and said "NO you will not be staying at 9pm it is lock down and you will be gone, its not a place for men.i said why and she replied with a "look I'm here to talk to mother about the baby I'm concerned about a father wanting to stay over"

Im so upset as I always wanted to spend first night with him as I tried for so long for him.needless to say my girlfriend responded and said well if he goes I'm going and if I can't move I demand a wheelchair.
I then called the hospital to see what was going on and they said that doesn't happen at that hospital and they were lovely they said she had no right to say that and to change midwife as now they are supposed to include you as a unit and make you both happy.she said there are so many single women that bless you for being passionate and doing ivy for so long and not wanting to leave his side,dont be silly we would never do that.we were told we will have a private room and ignore her but the comment still rings through my head and for some reason I cry now and then about it.like I feel a spare part and worthless.im so depressed every day...sorry of for going on.iv gone on about this so much to my family that they keep saying listen to the hospital.so I thought Id moan here.
im 25 by the way been trying since I was 21.partner is 26. due 20th December

[Mrsfs]

I am sorry you are having a tough time of it at the moment. Some midwives can be pretty scary.

I think it all depends on hospital policy, my husband wasn't allowed to stay overnight. He stayed while our daughter was being born and came with me to the ward to get us settled but was then asked to leave. I was on a ward though and not a private room.

Try not to worry, you are not worthless, just support your partner to the best of your ability and don't stress over things that are outwith your control.

Oh and congratulations!

[Josuk]

OP - first - congratulations.
Second - before the baby arrives you need to sort yourself out a little bit.
Your reaction is a bit ott - especially given that the situation was quickly cleared up by the hospital management.
This baby would need both of his parents to be strong. There will be situations where things might not go as you expect/plan - and you’ll need to be able to deal with it all calmly and not get down.
As a parent - you don’t get to cry and get depressed over things that life throws your way. You just get on with it.
You’ll need to learn to do it.

[BastardGoDarkly]

Josuks right op, its up to the hospital.

With both our babies, it was a very very long process, my husband was involved through it all, but come the first night after birth, he left to let us rest, that was hospital policy, but we were all exhausted anyway.

Time to put your wants to one side, and accept what's best for your gf and baby is best all round.

Best of luck with the birth.

[disneydatknee]

The stay in hospital after birth is generally quite short. My husband was there for the whole birth and left for a few hours while I slept with baby next to me and I was discharged the following morning. Don’t feel put out. Labour is loooooong. You will probably appreciate that little bit of sleep to yourself before you bring your darlings home. It’s lovely that you want to be so involved but when in hospital the main focus is on mother and baby. Congratulations on your baby.

[ollsbolls]

Hey John,

First - congratulations! My wife and I had our first (daughter, born in October) after 4 years of trying, eventually only getting there through IMSI (basically IVF with extras).

I know how dispiriting it can be to be expected to sod off, despite being the dad-to-be, particularly when you've been through IVF and are really excited.

The way that midwife spoke to you is far, far out of order, and you would be well within your rights to lodge a complaint with the local health service.

On the other hand though - now that you know you'll be able to stay over, try to let it go. Trust me, your GF is going to need all your support and energy during labour, and in the weeks after you'll need all the energy you've got! I thought I'd want to stay over, but in the end I went home to sleep for a few hours - it meant I came back refreshed so I could be more helpful and let my wife get some sleep!

Anyway, YANBU, but soon enough you'll have all the time in the world to spend being a dad to your son. Don't forget to enjoy that anticipation!

[Childrenofthestones]

Hi John hope everything went ok

For what it's worth my advice to anyone in your position was that your job, after supporting her through the birth and staying until they kick you out is to go home and bank as much sleep as you can so that when they come home you are ready to take on the bulk of the work, especially in the first week.
Enjoy it. You'll have a teenager driving you to distraction before you know it.