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Help! Male opinions on Condoms needed.

25 replies

Wisedupwoman · 31/08/2011 22:11

This is, er, a delicate subject. Not wanting to give TMI, I was hoping you could advise me on the best available condoms? One's that even the most reluctant male would find acceptable?
Thank you.

OP posts:

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Pan · 31/08/2011 23:59

oh tricky - there isn't a 'best available' for individuals I'm afraid. It depends on what the problem with using them is. Is the problem that he can't keep an erection whilst putting it on? Or is it lack of sensitivity, or some other 'ethics' reason? The losing erection thing is fairly common.

Wisedupwoman · 01/09/2011 06:20

Hi and thanks. It's that he say he 'shrinks' with them. Nevertheless......he will have to use them or the deal's off, as they say!!!

OP posts:

Pan · 01/09/2011 09:27

Ah - well given the level of 'sensitivity' acheived these days I can only think this is psychological on his part.

Wisedupwoman · 01/09/2011 22:52

Oh dear. Well, on balance then, it's probably not going to work.

But thank you Pan.

OP posts:

Pan · 01/09/2011 23:04

If it's worth it, talk to him about it? He has prob. been crapping himself about this. Anxiety will be a big 'shrinker'. Depends on how much patience you are willing to invest in it.

ColdTruth · 02/09/2011 02:20

Maybe having to stop in the middle of all the excitement going on to put a condom on is a bit of a downer. You could try finding other ways of putting it on, rather than a complete stop to put a condom on you could do it in the middle of a handjob/blowjob to keep the flow going.

Wisedupwoman · 02/09/2011 07:19

Thanks both of you again.

Well, I had 'the conversation' - don't know what you think of this as a compromise but - he's willing 'for the first time' to wear what he called a 'wet suit' (and yes, much pouting about it too).

Not good enough - not for me anyway. So we've gone our separate ways, him to find a woman who's willing to put blind faith over sensibility and me to await meeting someone who respects us both enough to do the right thing.

You've been very helpful about this. Thanks.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 02/09/2011 08:02

WUW, good decision, mate

Any bloke who calls a condom a "wetsuit" and pulls a tantrum about you insisting on their use needs dumping form a great height.

he agreed to the "just once" ?

he needs binning just for his density.

Wisedupwoman · 02/09/2011 08:44

Any hello! Yep, so right, and hope you're truly impressed with how far i've come back up the ladder!!!

OP posts:

AnyF · 02/09/2011 15:50

WUW, I am very impressed

More power to your elbow, and erm, everything

nocake · 02/09/2011 16:06

I can't believe in the 21st century there are still blokes who won't use a condom. You're well shot of him.

GiveMeSomeSpace · 02/09/2011 20:02

WisedUp Really glad to see you're moving on!!

FWIW, like a lot of men, I think condoms are simply horrible to use - but that should never mean someone should expect you to go without if you're not comfortable going without. You've definitely done the right thing to go your seperate ways. Good luck :)

confidence · 02/09/2011 23:54

Condoms, yuck. The best one is the one that doesn't exist.

They're the main reason I don't miss my pre-married screwing around days. Though obviously I understand that women who feel strongly about the subject know much better than men do what it feels like to wear one.

AmberLeaf · 03/09/2011 00:08

Maybe those women who feel strongly about the subject know what it feels like to have a totally preventable STI?

confidence · 03/09/2011 00:43

When it comes to safety and not yet being at the point of trusting the other persons STI status then either condoms or not doing it are the only practicable options, unfortunately.

But the OP didn't actually say that was the issue. It might have been, or it might be that she can't or doesn't want to use other forms of contraception. Blanket statements then made about "ANY bloke who calls a condom a "wetsuit"", as if he MUST only be saying such a thing because he's completely unreasonable, are very ignorant, and symptomatic of the rampant man-hating assumptions among certain sections of this forum. Genuine reactions to condom use vary widely among men - I know this partly because the way they feel to me now is hugely different to the way they felt when I was younger, for some reason. Some men literally can't maintain an erection AT ALL with one on. The OP's partner has specifically alluded to this, and there's no reason to believe he's making it up.

Pursuing a sexual relationship with someone whose health you don't trust, without using condoms, is unwise for practical reasons - not because that person must be "pulling a tantrum" and "dense". Unfortunately however there will always be some for whom the liberal dishing out of insulting epithets to men is the answer to every problem.

Which would be one thing if they even had a dick and were qualified to judge what it was like to wear a condom on it. Without such qualification, such blanket statements just look idiotic as well as sexist.

Wisedupwoman · 03/09/2011 07:07

Oh dear.

I'll qualify my post - we didn't know each other long enough or well enough to trust our respective STI status, although he was ready to trust that I'm 'clean'. But we fancied the pants off each other.

Plus, I recently divorced a bloke who had two affairs which obviously I didn't know about and I was as concerned about not passing anything to new bloke as i was him passing something to me.

It's the first time since my marriage fell apart that I've realised that

I need to get myself checked out for my own and another's peace of mind
I need protection and contraception combined!!!

I think what the poster's here were responding to is the default position that this particular bloke took in response to my insistance he use a condom - which was to pout and appear to offer a 'compromise'.

Anyway it's all rather academic now, but in the interests of future forays I'll purchase some of my own today (just in case).

Thanks all.

OP posts:

Pan · 03/09/2011 11:38

confidence - I do think that any bloke who refers to condoms as 'wet suits' followed up by much pouting wasn't being labelled as ignorant, or unreasonable. I'd say it suggests they are v. immature and needs to get with the seriuousness of not having an unwanted preg. or a STD. I simply looks like you are revealing an awful lot of bile, whilst 'defending' any bloke who doesn't want to go to the bother of getting used to using a condom.( and that's all it is - getting used to putting them on).
If the OP's beau isn't up to doing that, then it isn't going to be a surprise to find himself well and truly dumped regularly.

Wisedupwoman · 03/09/2011 15:18

Hear, hear!!

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 03/09/2011 15:21

Have you considered a femidom?

NotQuiteSoDesperate · 03/09/2011 17:14

Confidence, when you think of the sh*t women have to put up with using the Pill, coil or cap (for example), I think you have a bit of a cheek!

I didn't know that condoms could be life threatening (like the Pill) or anywhere near as messy as the cap. Don't know much about the coil as have never had one.

Wisedupwoman · 03/09/2011 19:32

A femidom? the female equiv of a condom? No, I hadn't but will reseach!
Thank you very much for that.

The cap, hum. well I'd considered that too. but that don't protect does it.

OP posts:

confidence · 03/09/2011 20:36

Just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting that the guy's insistence on not using condoms was a tenable position, or that WUW didn't do the right thing in dumping him. It sounds like she did.

But think about it: one thing we know about men is that in most circumstances, they'll do pretty much anything for a shag. WUW has told us that she and he "fancied the pants off each other". So he had every possible motivation and opportunity to shag her. If faced with the choice between shagging her with a condom, and having her leave him so he never gets to shag her at all, and if condoms were really not that big a deal physically FOR HIM, don't you think he would have come round in the end and agreed to use them?

It's not like he's got anything out of this, other than being dumped and not getting to shag someone he really fancied. So he clearly made the decision, for himself, that condoms do make sex either so unpleasurable, or physically impossible, that it's not even worth pursuing such an opportunity if he has to use one.

That doesn't sound like petulance or selfishness; it sounds like a simple cost:benefit analysis about how sex with condoms is to him - ie not worth doing. Nobody's going to follow up a sexual relationship if they're, fundamentally, not going to enjoy it.

He's the only one who can make that decision as it's his dick we're talking about. All I'm saying is that there ARE some men for whom a condom ruins things to that degree.

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confidence · 03/09/2011 20:37

Tried a femidom once and we both just collapsed in hysterics. It was like fucking a circus tent!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 03/09/2011 22:14

Yeah, I have heard that they're less than romantic, haven't tried one myself. But if there's an issue with condoms - and I agree that some men simply can't sustain an erection with one - and both parties really fancy each other, seems to me a femidom is worth a go. If nothing else, a fit of the giggles can be a bonding experience.

Of course, they should both go get tested so that STIs aren't an issue, then it's just the contraception to worry about.

AnyFucker · 04/09/2011 20:02

oh, confidence I am so sad I missed your post

the moment has gone of course, so I shall just answer your man-hating insinuations with a big fat raspberry

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