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Can I share my son's short story?

(5 Posts)
TellAnyone Sat 26-Sep-09 19:01:18

My son and I are both keen writers. He is 11 and brought this short story to me last night. I would be very grateful if you could give it a quick read and maybe a responce? smile

We don't mind honesty btw, we're tough wink


The wind swept across my face. I have never been so high! Better than the busy city life, anyway.

I sat on the edge of the cliff while the evening sun went to sleep.

My sister, teenager of the house, found me
"Oh, there you are! Mother wants you home by 10"

I turned and waved as she went home.

The night shaded the beautiful sky. I put my hand on my forehead and stood up. I looked at my watch, half nine, not bad. I walked home.


I loved this but maybe I am biased? blush he toyed with the idea of having something really bad happen to the kid on the cliff but I told him it's perfect as it is, leaving the rest to the imagination.

Honest opinions welcome

TellAnyone Sat 26-Sep-09 19:02:24

ps. please ignore my English tonight, I've been drinking a bit blush

corriefan Sat 26-Sep-09 19:18:33

That's lovely, it's got a strong voice IYSWIM. It's very short, is there any more to it?

hormonesnomore Sat 26-Sep-09 20:07:03

Wow, that's good. I'd like to read more smile

peggotty Sat 26-Sep-09 20:10:24

'the night shaded the beautiful sky' - that is lovely. Does he call you 'Mother', maybe 'Mum' would sound more authentic?

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