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Do you get lonely?

(16 Posts)
KinkyDoritowithsparkleson Fri 10-Mar-17 11:11:40

I'm now at home through the day, with the opportunity to write, but I do feel quite isolated. I have just left teaching though, which is obviously a very social occupation.

How do you overcome this? Or is it a personality thing?


Paddington68 Fri 10-Mar-17 11:59:56

I love being alone.
However to feel less alone, I would suggest putting some structure into your day, so that the time alone doesn't just stretch.
eg Phone your mom at 9am. Go shopping at noon and have a coffee with friends in the evening. This will also focus your writing.
Obviously if you are on a roll with the writing you can move these things, and don't stare at a blank screen when you get stuck, some of the best characters are in your high street.

KinkyDoritowithsparkleson Fri 10-Mar-17 12:50:16

Thanks for this - I'm wondering about doing a bit of a timetable (you can take the teacher out of teaching...). I don't have anyone to socialise with and I'm tutoring on evenings, but I certainly think having a structure would help.

I have two or three different things I need to do for income that require time, then I want to write. I also have a very dusty gym membership that I might make use of.

My house has also been sorely neglected through the hard-working years, so I need to try and make some time for that too.

I'm in danger of having so many bits to do that I find myself bimbling on the internet, doing nothing at all and feeling lonely.

schmalex Fri 10-Mar-17 18:40:55

Definitely have a timetable. Also consider joining a critique group or other writers group to get some human interaction!

ImperialBlether Fri 10-Mar-17 18:42:37

I'm the same, Kinky; I left teaching and now write full-time. You do have to make a huge effort not to just spend all your time on your own.

monkeytree Fri 10-Mar-17 22:35:30

Yes, I do wonder about this, I think I could quite easily get very embroiled in my writing and badly neglect my friends, I try to make a bit of time for them too. One thing I do, although it is does not involve much interaction as such is go to a cafe and do some writing over a latte. In affect I rent a table there for just over two pounds - sometimes for a couple of hours. I often see another woman work from the cafe too at least it gets me out I guess, I find I write well there and luckily the noise (it gets busy) doesn't seem to affect my concentration

KinkyDoritowithsparkleson Mon 13-Mar-17 07:53:38

Thanks everyone. Due to the past 14 years of work, I don't really have friends, so I don't have many social options. I think I need to try and get out a bit more for the change of scene. I'm also thinking about listening to music more as I often exist in a silent house whilst the kids are at school.

I like the idea of working somewhere away from home too. We have a nice local library. Will head down there one day.

thanks thanks

GetAHaircutCarl Mon 13-Mar-17 10:14:12

I don't feel remotely lonely when I'm writing for long periods, but I am aware that I can go a little bonkers grin.

At the moment I have lots and lots of meetings ( about my writing projects) and I'm getting a bit desperate for some alone writing time.

I need some balance grin.

Willowwriter79 Mon 13-Mar-17 10:52:03

I can only write in my spare time now, and have FT job and a 3 yr old so don't get that much anymore. I'd say on one hand I'd love to be a FT writer and have the opportunity to get lonely, but I know I would get lonely. I didn't realise until I went back to work after my most recent mat leave in Jan this yr how much I enjoy the social side of work and the adult conversation. For anyone wondering why I've just returned from mat leave when my DS is 3, my other DS died at 2 days old last August. I was in the unique and unenviable position of having mat leave with no baby. That's when I started writing again, that, and my 3 yr old, kept me sane. i would write when DS was at nursery or his grandparents kidnapped him for the afternoon. I did get very lonely when I wasn't writing, as DH works full time too. the idea of writing in a public space seems a good one Kinky smile

monkeytree Mon 13-Mar-17 13:51:51

Oh Willow, sorry to hear about your loss X I had a late mc two years ago (lost my little boy) and I am sahm to my daughters - youngest is 3 and at preschool most mornings. I am convinced I have ptsd and have to force myself to see my friends, I think writing saves my sanity, I honestly do X

Willowwriter79 Mon 13-Mar-17 14:20:43

Thankyou monkey, so sorry for your loss too, we had 2 mc's before our DS1 but they were quite early on. Then both my boys were full term 9lb and then almost 11lb (c-sections thankfully) but DS2 had a health condition, CDH, which is quite rare and random. I feel the same about writing, it's my therapy, and once I start I can't seem to stop. Work really gets in the way smile Have you seen a doc about your suspected PTSD?

monkeytree Mon 13-Mar-17 16:15:59

Hi Willow
The trigger is a woman in the village who had a baby a week after my ds was due. I find the child is an awful reminder of what I am missing. Its funny I can sort of detach myself from other children, but not that one, every time I catch sight of them, I feel awful. I want a fresh start (if you know what I mean, we'll never ever forget our little ones) but I just want to move out of the village, we are struggling to find somewhere and most of my friends don't get how I feel. I am older now and doubt I will have any more children, I am fortunate to have my two dc's as I have battled with infertility too. I have become estranged from family members because of it (long,long story). So to try and keep sane, I write. I am also developing a website for ladies and gents who have experienced infertility and miscarriage/loss, it is due to launch at the end of June. I'm hoping it will raise funds for the miscarriage association etc and I intend for people to put their poems, artwork, short stories related to the above on there as a way of expression and to help others. I've thrown myself into this project and writing a novel and it is about the only thing that seems to help. I am so sorry you have been through so much, I know it is absolutely devastating and wish you well with your writing. What is it you write?

monkeytree Mon 13-Mar-17 16:22:38

Sorry I think I may have sabotaged the post but kept posting because it is sort of writing related.
Anyway to get back to the point. I do find it lonely sometimes but I have other things going on as you can see above and sometimes, well quite often really, I don't mind being on my own probably because of what has happened, I never used to be like this but I have changed. Eventually when, I get the writing out of my system, it would probably be good for me to do some voluntary work or something, I think, I will burn out with the writing, just got to get my novel written and my website launched now, it's a bit of a personal endeavour. It's sad (maybe) that I fit my friends around the writing, maybe I just prefer the writing to human company!

Willowwriter79 Mon 13-Mar-17 18:02:52

I write novels too, monkey. thrillers are my preferred genre but I've written an adult romance too, which was just for a bit of fun really, but I'd love to get my other novel published. And I also wrtie some poetry, some of which is being published in an anthology soon smileWhat genre is your novel? Best of luck with your website, It sounds like a great thing to do, and is a lasting legacy for your son

monkeytree Mon 13-Mar-17 19:50:20

It's an historical novel willow but with a twist! It is also quite contemporary, daren't say much more really. Yes, the website has become a sort of legacy it is called the Fertility Shelter, watch out for it later in the year, you may have one or two poems in the genre you are willing to submit, I am hoping to run a poetry competition (in the genre of mc/loss) and make a compilation book up for charity with 100 or so of the shortlisted poems. I haven't had anything published yet, just writing for myself mainly but it would be good if others benefit from it too X

Willowwriter79 Mon 13-Mar-17 21:28:21

Sounds good. I have written a few poems which would fit. I'll keep my eyes open for it. Sorry to hi-jack your thread, Kinky.

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