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My support bubble boyfriend has been in another house

(26 Posts)
Outdoorsie Tue 27-Oct-20 05:23:54

So we both live alone and agreed to be each other's support bubble. I've since discovered he's been hanging out in close family's home - parents and 3 kids. I got really annoyed with him on the phone yesterday and said if he was serious about seeing me he shouldn't have been in their home. It's not the first time. He says I've overreacted. I don't think I have, but have I? I've stuck rigidly to the rules.

OP’s posts: |
PineappleUpsideDownCake Tue 27-Oct-20 05:38:32

What zone are you in? We're tier one and can have up to 6 people in our house, so kids have often had people over and we've visited friends and family....

BefuddledPerson Tue 27-Oct-20 05:42:38

It depends on your tier.

Also you expectations of each other.

Was he distancing from the family in the house? If not, then you should really distance from him now, as regardless of tier households should distance.

Ultimately though, you are entitled to stick to the rules, and if you have very different views on this it might be a sign you are not on the same page?

Outdoorsie Tue 27-Oct-20 06:12:35

I'm not in UK so different rules. Single people allowed bubble with one other household only.

OP’s posts: |
KatherineJaneway Tue 27-Oct-20 06:26:03

I've stuck rigidly to the rules.

He clearly hasn't then. Sounds like you have differing values.

joystir59 Tue 27-Oct-20 06:28:21

This virus will be with us for a long time OP. And it hasn't read the rules. Cut your bf a bit of slack.

Rosadela Tue 27-Oct-20 06:51:50

YABU, he’s gone to see his parents for goodness sake. Unless you’re vulnerable then I’d cut him some slack

Outdoorsie Tue 27-Oct-20 07:00:34

It's not his parents. It's other family members who he constantly prioritises over me and even admitted he prefers spending regular weekend nights with them. So thanks anyway for making me realise I'm being unreasonable.

OP’s posts: |
annabel85 Tue 27-Oct-20 07:01:50

Outdoorsie

I'm not in UK so different rules. Single people allowed bubble with one other household only.

Why does he think the rules don't apply to him? What a narcissist.

XiCi Tue 27-Oct-20 07:03:36

Sounds you you have a lot more problems than the bubble

FancyNancyl Tue 27-Oct-20 07:04:59

It's not his parents. It's other family members who he constantly prioritises over me and even admitted he prefers spending regular weekend nights with them.

Then this is the issue rather than rules and who is allowed to do what. Sounds like you are in different phases of your life and therefore not compatible.

KatherineJaneway Tue 27-Oct-20 07:05:56

Agree with pp, ith your update this isn't about the breaking of Covid rules, it's his attitude towards you in general.

Hugosmugo Tue 27-Oct-20 07:24:37

I dont think you sounds compatible.
I'm being pretty careful but after 5 months of not seeing my parents (and other family) I found it SO hard. I would not begrudge my boyfriend doing the same. If you do, then you obviously have different values. So maybe it is time to have a think about the relationship.

Moondust001 Tue 27-Oct-20 07:31:36

Sorry but you are a girlfriend, not an anchor. Whatever the rules are where you live, I think it's unreasonable for any anyone to see only one other person for weeks / months on end; and a "girlfriend" doesn't trump all other relationships. It isn't as though he's out partying every night with different people.

To be honest though, this is why the rules don't work. The expectation that people can only ever see one person or one household unit over long periods of time is beyond unrealistic. Human beings can't live like that for long.

Ffsffsffsffsffs Tue 27-Oct-20 07:32:39

Both me and my boyfriend live alone (with dc) and have formed a bubble.

After the first lockdown, before bubbles were a thing, I was devastated that he invited a friend round before cuddling me for the first time in 8 weeks.

Now, my 'work bubble' has nearly 2000 people in, with minimal ppe. I'm sticking to the rules (mostly), and using them wisely to minimise contact with narc relatives and now ex friends, but I'm not going to be upset if he meets his parents or family once in a blue moon.

Outdoorsie Tue 27-Oct-20 07:40:27

Thanks all for opinions. I'm going to apologise to him this morning for getting upset. I just wanted to see what others thought of the situation.

OP’s posts: |
10questions Tue 27-Oct-20 07:45:10

You’ve still got a problem - you say he prioritises them over you.

RedToothBrush Tue 27-Oct-20 07:47:55

KatherineJaneway

Agree with pp, ith your update this isn't about the breaking of Covid rules, it's his attitude towards you in general.

This.

He knows your boundaries and choses to walk all over them.

The fact he prefers to be elsewhere during the week suggests he's at yours at the weekend for...

Not sure he's a keeper.

RedToothBrush Tue 27-Oct-20 07:49:44

Outdoorsie

Thanks all for opinions. I'm going to apologise to him this morning for getting upset. I just wanted to see what others thought of the situation.

And there’s your problem. You are happy to be a doormat.

You arent happy with breaking the rules and he disrespected that feeling and now you are the one feeling you should be apologising.

CeibaTree Tue 27-Oct-20 07:51:31

Are you in a particularly vulnerable group OP? If not then in your position I wouldn't worry too much. If your boyfriend needs to see his family for his mental well being then I'd cut him some slack. If you are very vulnerable health-wise though then your anger is justified.

annabel85 Tue 27-Oct-20 07:52:59

Outdoorsie

Thanks all for opinions. I'm going to apologise to him this morning for getting upset. I just wanted to see what others thought of the situation.

He needs to start taking Covid seriously.

everythingthelighttouches Tue 27-Oct-20 08:03:06

It sounds like Covid restrictions and this difficult time have highlighted bigger issues in your relationship.

Were things all well in normal times?

FancyNancyl Tue 27-Oct-20 08:07:22

You don't need to apologise. You are allowed to have feelings and you are allowed to be upset.

Coldwinds Tue 27-Oct-20 08:07:47

Sounds like he feels suffocated.

Some people happily comply with the rules and actively like being isolated. Others find it suffocating and oppressive. A lot of people feel like this. Especially when the death rate is below 1%

Regardless what the media says the majority of is have been following the rules but were 8 months in now and it’s natural for people to be fed up with it.

Sally872 Tue 27-Oct-20 08:25:25

How long have you been together? My sister/bil and kids would be a high priority at least equal to a partner until we were very serious. In normal circumstances he would probably bring you with him and it would me them or me.

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