Struggling with kids in lockdown

[Toomuchtooyoung01]

Have an almost 3yr old and 3 month old who has reflux and cries near constantly. Needs to be held for much of the day or screams. Wakes hourly at
night and barely naps in the day. If I put him down for a nap, he will be up again after 10mins. Toddler is a typical toddler who doesn't listen, needs to be asked 100 times to sit down for me to brush her teeth etc. Tandem breastfeeding so always got someone on the boob. I don't even feel like a person. Keep trying to wean the toddler off but she is obsessed. Literally shouts "BOOBY!!!!" at me and grabs at me.
Massively struggling with lockdown, in terms of entertaining toddler and being stuck indoors. Our house is tiny and in a permanent state of disrepair due to renovation work that was started and never finished by OH. Can't afford to get professionals in to finish it. Garden is unusable due to no secure boundaries meaning dogs have ran in several times. OH claims he will fence it but hasn't yet. He's still working so I'm on my own every day.
I'm so tired, the baby is constantly waking for feeds and my little girl is up at 5.30 every day.
I'm miserable, and becoming grumpy and impatient and worry I'm unkind to my kids. I feel like I'm about to seriously lose my temper all the time. Every time I try to do something with my toddlee such as make biscuits or do a puzzle etc, my baby starts screaming. Every time I try and read etc with the baby, my toddler plays up to get my attention.
OH is unsupportive and calls me pathetic etc when I have been upset.
I honestly sometimes just want to escape. I don't even know where to as a life without my kids would be meaningless, but I just want to escape.

[Toomuchtooyoung01]

I dont have 2mins without someone crying or shouting/chattering. I'm always holding someone or being touched. My only alone time is in the shower and even then I can hear the baby screaming blue murder.
I used to take my little girl to lots of playgroups, soft play, meeting with friends etc and now were home alone I've realised how shit I am at actually playing etc

[DivGirl]

Firstly. You need to wean the toddler. Every time she tries to grab you tell her "no, we don't do that anymore", and suggest something else (snack/special juice from the fridge/watching the gruffalo/whatever). Do not give in. "We don't grab people to get what we want" has been said a lot in my house.
Secondly - your husband sounds like an arsehole. Or is he not your husband? Either way - arsehole.
Thirdly - you (understandably) sound utterly exhausted. Do you have supportive parents or other family who could take the three of you in for a few weeks? Combining households is allowed and you sound like you could do with living in a proper house with some support.

[Hannah2199]

We also have a small age gap and I completely sympathise. I felt exactly the same as you even without lockdown happening. This age will pass (eventually) though I know it feels like an eternity when you are going through it.

Take it day by day, even hour by hour if you have to.

If they are both crying deal with 3 year old first - the baby will not remember but the 3 year old will remember always being left til last etc. It will seem slightly easier if they aren't both crying.

Lower your standards, as long as everyone is fed and reasonably clean and alive by the end of the day you did a good job

Can OH look after kids on a weekend or whenever not working so you can get some sleep? Or a walk outside on your own?

You need to sit down and explain how hard it is to him. He sounds like an idiot if he wont help you. Make it clear what the problem is and spell out exactly how he can help.

Keep strong, it will get easier.....

[Mylittlepony374]

I feel so sorry for you. I had a small age gap and it was soooo tough in the early days, and that was with toddler going to creche 3 days a week, and no pandemic lockdown.
Your husband is a fuckwit for calling you pathetic. I sympathise as I recently told my husband I'm struggling working from home and minding 1 yr old and 3 yr old and he yelled at me, said "it's fucking tough for everyone". I'm giving some serious thought to whether I need to stay in a relationship with him now.
I don't really have any useful advice sorry. What pp said about looking after 3 year old first is important I think, so they don't feel pushed out.
My mum had 7 kids and her advice for me in the early days was " everybody fed and nobody dead".
I also had a refluxy baby. There's probiotics called ProVen that I used, specific formula for breastfed babies. At the same time I started those I eliminated dairy from my diet and her reflux improved significantly. Maybe worth a try?

[ThisIsM]

Hugs to you. That is so so tough. My first baby was refluxy and it's just so so hard even without a lockdown and a toddler thrown in the mix. Agree with PP to try eliminating dairy and trying probiotics for him.
Have you got a sling and will he settle in there upright so you can do an activity with the toddler whilst he is quiet for a bit?
Your partner is awful for calling you pathetic and I hope you can have a chat to him about how that made you feel. He absolutely needs to pull his weight in regards to you having self care and having some time to yourself. Especially if the baby will settle in the sling for him, maybe he can take him (and toddler) for a walk for example.
Agree with PP as well that it would be a good idea to wean the toddler for your own mental health, it's a shame and hard being firm in the short term but longer term will be much easier for you.
I am sure you are doing an amazing job, keep on x

[ThisIsM]

How are you getting on OP? @Toomuchtooyoung01