Someone help me. It's getting on top of me.

[amazedmummy]

I've been relatively ok until this point. Missing my family the same as everyone is but aware that I'm in a fortunate position. I'm on mat leave. DS is 5 months and DH has been furloughed. I'm on medication for PND and had been receiving CBT which is now on hold.

After today's announcements from the PM and first minister (I live in Scotland) I just don't see how I can handle at least another 3 weeks possibly a lot more. I'm due back to work in 7 weeks so my treatment probably won't have resumed by then. Even then I'll be working from home probably so I'll have to pick up a job I haven't done in months with no face to face training. Scotland aren't to travel for exercise so I can't even go to a local park.

By the time I felt able to get it together to go and meet people at groups the threat of CV was there so I didn't go then lockdown started and I couldn't.

My mum works in a customer facing role without PPE and I worry about her every single day. She also lives alone so if she did get sick there's nobody to look after her.

Then I feel awful for feeling sorry for myself because I know people have lost loved ones and I should be fine with just staying at home for a few months but I feel like the progress I was making with my PND is being undone day by day.

[HeyChiefICouldBeWrong]

I don’t have anything tremendously helpful to say but I don’t want to read and run. I’ve got an almost 5month old and have also been suffering with PND. Like you I’ve been doing ok, but am now feeling like I’m coming unstuck.

I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. It’s so easy to think about all the people who have it worse off than you, and that is right and useful to an extent, but just like you can’t spend other people’s money, other people’s sadness doesn’t diminish your own. My advice would be to be as kind to yourself as you can, take advantage of your partner being home to do something that gives you a sense of achievement (tidying, artwork - whatever floats your boat) and try to access online PND support. Sending good vibes your way.

[LizAngharad]

I was finally feeling completely recovered from pnd and I was about to ask my gp about coming off meds when this happened. Now I’m back at home trying to work from home with no childcare and I’m exhausted and fed up and too scared to come off my meds!
Will you be working full time when back at work? If not, maybe you can find a baby/toddler group for a day you won’t work and once this is over, have that to look forward to. Sorry I can’t be much more help but I totally sympathise and i don’t think you should feel guilty for feeling sorry for yourself or worrying about your mum. big hugs, take care of yourself as much as you can!

[amazedmummy]

@LizAngharad it's horrible, it feels like it's slipping through my fingers. I'll be back full time and DH is off 2 weekdays so he'll probably go to a group or 2 but they weren't really for DS they were for me.

@HeyChiefICouldBeWrong I have some days where I get something done and I feel quite productive but I also have days where the only reason I can get out of bed is because I need to feed DS. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't bother.

[HeyChiefICouldBeWrong]

How are you doing OP? Life any lighter for you at the moment?

[Mistressiggi]

OP I'm in Scotland and have been travelling short distances (a few miles) for exercise. We are told to exercise locally but the guidance (as opposed to what people may say) does not say no car journeys. If you literally can't walk to the park then it is more than reasonable to drive a shortish distance.

[amazedmummy]

I'm just trying to take it day by day. I had to go and do the shopping yesterday which is always pretty stressful so yesterday wasn't a good day. Today we start weaning with DS so I'm hoping he enjoys is and that would be something fun.

As far as travelling for exercise the parks near-ish us have all closed their car parks to stop people travelling to them so I'm afraid that's not an option.

[amazedmummy]

I'm allowed to see my mum! I'm so excited! From the 28th if it's a nice day she's going to come up and sit in the garden at a safe distance. I am so excited!

[Kljnmw3459]

That's fantastic! Hopefully it will lift your spirits and also signal the slow, gradual but inevitable end of lockdown.

[dementedma]

Scotland here too and my heart sank at the snail’s pace announcements today. And yes, I get the risk, the appalling deaths etc etc.
But like you Op, I really am starting to struggle now. Trying to work from home, endless Zoom meetings, sitting on my bed with the laptop balanced on my knee and papers everywhere, going nowhere but this bloody flat, the shops and trying to look after mum...
I do try and get out for walks and am really lucky to have nice places to walk round here but I have had enough. Back on ADs after having managed to come off them.

[LtGreggs]

Hiya - I'm in Scotland too. I think you should be able to go out to exercise. Do you have any green space within walking distance? If not, it's also fine to drive as long as it's within a few miles. Getting outside can be a real help to mood.

it is not an easy time

[Mistressiggi]

Park on a road near the park. Look online at maps to see what's possible, would be very rare for there to be nowhere at all to park.

[amazedmummy]

Car parks and things should open with the change in guidelines so I'll just wait one more week.

[Babdoc]

The whole approach in Scotland has been a control freak, “nanny knows best” irritation.
While Boris trusted the English to play golf or go fishing, Sturgeon thinks the Scots are too stupid to space themselves out on a riverbank or golf course, and waited weeks longer in lockdown, despite Scotland’s infection curve exactly overlapping England’s, just with a flatter peak - she was lying about us running two weeks behind.
Most of what she does is pathetic political point scoring to try and make Scotland “different” to England. Her obsession with independence colours everything she does. And I haven’t heard a word of gratitude for the massive UK bailout of Scots businesses- which the SNP failed to even distribute fairly, until forced to offer the same compensation as England by the storm of protests.