Advanced search

Is there a thread for those of us not seeing our dc due to the pandemic (and is there anything more I can do?)

(25 Posts)
StillDumDeDumming Mon 27-Apr-20 22:30:59

That really. My dc are with my ex. They are teenagers, the youngest is 15. I miss them so much. We decided to do this - my eldest dc is shielding and my dp who I live with was in hospital when lockdown started (and did indeed bring CV home with him). So it was the right decision but I’m not seeing them at all. We are under two miles apart and I talk to them everyday- but it feels like it’s going on too long. And will be longer for those shielding. I also can’t leave my dp who needs 24 hour care and there’s nobody else to do that. Which means I can’t even see the children from a distance (yes I know that isn’t allowed). Not sure why I’m posting really.

OP’s posts: |
RufustheLanglovingreindeer Mon 27-Apr-20 22:36:15

Im not really in the same boat as you cos my eldest is 21

But i still really miss him....we would usually see him every 2/3 weeks but its the fact that im ‘not allowed’ to see him which is the problem

Although its not the same i do really sympathise flowers

Hippywannabe Mon 27-Apr-20 22:38:36

Mine are adults but I haven't seen them since early March nor my gorgeous grandson. Skype just isn't the same as a hug.
I sympathise!

StillDumDeDumming Mon 27-Apr-20 22:39:09

@rufus thank you

OP’s posts: |
RufustheLanglovingreindeer Mon 27-Apr-20 22:41:33

Skype just isn't the same as a hug

And ds1 gives fabulous hugs

Ds2 just sort of pats me ineffectively in an embarrassed kinda way

StillDumDeDumming Mon 27-Apr-20 22:43:45

I find it especially galling when people in our local park don’t keep the distance and I just think, how come I’m allowed to take my dp to the park in a wheelchair where the majority do not make room for us, but I can’t be 2 metres away from my own children! Sorry I’m just getting bitter now!

OP’s posts: |
StillDumDeDumming Mon 27-Apr-20 22:48:40

Neither of them will FaceTime- my eldest does love a phone call. My 15 year old not so much. I feel like I’m letting them down. I feel guilty I suppose.

OP’s posts: |
RufustheLanglovingreindeer Mon 27-Apr-20 22:53:53

Like you said you made the right decision

You shouldn’t feel guilty, youve absolutely done what what right for your children

Dd (18) was ill as the start of test so no idea if it actually was covid

But she was the illest any of my children have ever been...and bloody typically she is the most vulnerable!

Tuftytail Mon 27-Apr-20 22:59:10

You’re definitely not letting them down. You took a tough decision to protect them. It’s hard to be a good mum but the fact that you took the tough decision shows you are. Be kind to yourself.

StillDumDeDumming Mon 27-Apr-20 23:02:26

How has she recovered @rufus? My dp had only just finished a 5 week stint in intensive care when he got it.. he’d been on a ventilator too and had pneumonia- remarkably he did ok!

OP’s posts: |
Greendayz Mon 27-Apr-20 23:45:25

I have my 20 year old DS at home, but my 17 year old has moved on with her BF and his family. She happier there, but I miss her. My DSS (also 17) is normally with us about half the time, but his mum has taken him away to the house she owns 100 miles away and we've not seen him in 5 weeks. His mum says they are staying put, and DH doesn't want to fight with her over it, because DSS is safer there than with us (as my DS is a keyworker) DSD (19) is also staying with her BF, but is sad and missing us. I'm used to a busy house with all these semi-independant young adults coming and going, and the house feels so quiet now. It's really hard and I feel this "stay with your household" rule is very tough on this age group.

RufustheLanglovingreindeer Tue 28-Apr-20 09:22:42

Goodness still

Must have been a very scary time for you!

She didn’t get to the breathing difficulties stage and thats the bit i was worried about as I’d read that lots of people get ill with a flu like symptoms but THEN get breathing difficulties

So i spent a few nights worrying (as i am a sound sleeper) that she would stop breathing

So it might not have been covid, but she spent 6 days unable to get out of bed, temperature of 39+, and couldn’t even use her phone or watch television for a large part of the time

So god knows what she actually had! About another 5/6 days to recover

I knew she was on the mend when she started arguing with me again grin

But i agree with green, this is very tough on lots of people but i think very much so on this age group

RufustheLanglovingreindeer Tue 28-Apr-20 09:26:39

Its strange when your friends have their children of the same age at home

A friend asked me what i missed most...she obviously expected me to say mcdonalds or something, she looked quite concerned when the first thing of of my mouth was ‘ds1’

She’d forgotten that all hers are with her, she misses garden centres grin

StillDumDeDumming Tue 28-Apr-20 10:36:43

Yes when you’re middle aged you can have a bit of a philosophical perspective- but a lot of young people have had the rug pulled out.

A number of Facebook friends are upset at the situation and unfortunately I do think sometimes ‘yes but at least you’re all together!’

We didn’t get the covid result until around day 9. Which actually was a relief in an ignorance is bliss way! We’d gone past him too scared to go to sleep by then and also got a proper hospital bed which made all the difference.

I do have to say reading the increasing number of posts on here saying lockdown is supposed to be the majority complying does make me think why the bloody hell am I following these rules. My ex won’t bring my dd around for a doorstep conversation because he hates dp.

Dp fell this morning- quite spectacularly. I’m tired!

OP’s posts: |
Greendayz Tue 28-Apr-20 11:53:11

Are you planning to have them back at some point stilldum? DH is thinking to suggest that DSS at least comes to us for some period of time at some point. I think he'd have to drive 200 miles round trip to get him though.

StillDumDeDumming Tue 28-Apr-20 22:51:46

I’m thinking when dd starts 6th form in September. I think she’ll want to come back. She’s a bit scared of living with dp as he’s very different to how he was. She hasn’t seen him yet. He can’t really hold a conversation- but I think she’ll do well with it. He’s not depressed or angry. Just tired.

I never feel I’m doing enough!

It’s about risk isn’t it. We’re quite low risk now we’re not at the hospital anymore. We’re not mixing or going to work places or even supermarkets and we can’t get out much.

How does dss feel about it @Greendayz?

OP’s posts: |
RufustheLanglovingreindeer Wed 29-Apr-20 08:54:21

How is DP after his fall still

ErrolTheDragon Wed 29-Apr-20 09:19:13

My 21yr old is with her BF and his family at the other end of the country. I'm ok with this at the moment as they're safe and happy, and I wouldn't have seen her till the summer anyway. We exchange random short WhatsApp messages and roughly once a week we have a long phone call, which is the same as if she was physically at uni. But it's knowing we can't easily just go and get her if there's a problem that's bothersome.

If your DC are late teens and only 2 miles away, I don't see why they can't come and see you from a distance? Maybe in the park you mentioned? As your DP has already had covid it seems unlikely he'd get it again (at least for a while).

Greendayz Wed 29-Apr-20 12:52:43

That sounds really tough still I hope your DP continues to get better.
To answer your question - I'm not sure what DSS wants. He's not one to be overly communicative. He used to have a strong preference to be at ours rather than go down to him mum's main home (she rents a flat near us/school where she used to stay in the week prior to lockdown) But that was when he could see friends - who live near us. I'm not sure he has a strong preference where he is currently. But DH doesn't seem to have had a proper conversation with him, or his mum about longer term plans. I'm hoping the schools open at the start of June, for Year 12s at least, and if they do imagine he'll come back then.

We've had a family games night every Friday, playing various online games (scribble, Psyche, etc) which has been quite fun. Easier for DSS in particular who doesn't really hold a conversation very well by phone.

StillDumDeDumming Wed 29-Apr-20 18:37:49

@RufustheLanglovingreindeer he’s doing well- a bit down after a Roth physio today- it’s like concentrating on all the things he can’t do. And it’s all quite confusing for him.

I know what you mean @ErrolTheDragon - my ds can’t go out at all because he’s shielding. Which effectively means dd can’t go out. I can’t leave dp and my ex won’t have dp anywhere near. I might be able to convince dd to go to the park near her, and me and dp could meet her there. But I don’t think she will. I think a friend would come to me to be with dp while I’m out - but is that risky?

OP’s posts: |
StillDumDeDumming Wed 29-Apr-20 19:17:23

Well that Made quite a difference! DS just FaceTimed me and his sister, who normally he hates, is cutting his very long hair. He reckons he needs a haircut anyway and it won’t matter because he won’t be leaving the house for about four months!! It was so lovely to see their faces. So so lovely

OP’s posts: |
RufustheLanglovingreindeer Wed 29-Apr-20 19:43:32

Thats great still 💞

ErrolTheDragon Wed 29-Apr-20 19:47:08

Ah, good!

Our DD hasn't yet availed herself of any of the many and various video options we have at our disposal... well, I can understand her not being too bothered about seeing me or DH but I'm a bit surprised she doesn't desperately want to see the dog!grin

Hearhoovesthinkzebras Wed 29-Apr-20 19:48:52

Mine are 25 and 21. Eldest moved out after uni, for work, but we usually see him regularly. The youngest is in final year at uni and stayed at uni to finish her studies and then lockdown came and I was shielded, so she stayed at uni. Again, usually we see her regularly.

I am really missing them but got told off on a thread the other day for referring to them as my children. They are my children however, and them being.older doesn't mean that I'm missing them any less.

It's truly awful and I have no idea when I'll be able to see them again which only makes this harder.

RufustheLanglovingreindeer Wed 29-Apr-20 19:59:06

and them being.older doesn't mean that I'm missing them any less


We just had it all planned out with ds1, he would come home after uni and stay with us for a year or two to get a deposit for a house

Then he goes and ruins it all by falling in love 😳

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »