Dp lack of awareness is unsettling

[30secondsoflove]

Dp and I don't live together, he lives near his work 80 miles away so he normally comes here at weekends maybe once in the week.

He has come to see the kids twice in the past few weeks but his hygiene has been questionable - walking through the house with his shoes on, washing his hands for 5 seconds with cold water. Not antibacing things he's touched on the way in like door handles, sliding door thing in the utility room etc.

He's not mindful of where he goes at all. Ie he needed to send me some money for a bill but instead of using online or telephone services he went INTO the bank I kid you not. Instead of doing one big food shop, he will go every 2-3 days to get what he needs, he has to work but I dread to think what his social distancing and hygiene are like there.

So would you have him over to see the children? I actually don't need to ask that! He doesn't take this seriously at all 😔

[MajesticWhine]

Have you told him to take more care? That would make me uncomfortable. I would tell him not to come if he can't be more careful.
I have relaxed about hygiene since lockdown as no one is going out much. But you are essentially still mixing households and he probably shouldn't be coming at all really.
However, I doubt walking in the house with shoes on is going to cause an increased risk.

[30secondsoflove]

I've told him but he doesn't listen. He doesn't see this for what it is - very serious!
We have a no shoes household anyway, but I recently read leave shoes outside. Imaging treading in someone's spit, walking in the house with it, baby drops her toy on the floor then chews it.

[tenlittlecygnets]

If you don't live together then he should not be coming over at all.

Guidance says you only see people you live with.

[CheesyHousePlant]

If it were me with visitors (I have to do this anyway as my family seem to forget every time), I stand by the door and say take your shoes off (I have carpets). No one is coming over now but I would not hesitate to say...and go straight to the sink and wash your hands and watch them do it and count 20 seconds. They would hate me for it but..

Your rules for your home. They can not come in otherwise.

I have given up worrying about DBs hygiene elsewhere. His comments 'I'm not going out and I am only seeing x and x and x and x. We only see each other'. That is four friends! DB is vulnerable and I told the local PCSO who dropped in as he has done many times and reminded him of the rules. So even the Police can only do so much. He did listen in the sense of has stopped going to visit our DM to have his laundry done! He now turns up on her doorstep for a food package. Still unbelievable. So maybe a 3rd party family member could have a word if you have vulnerable members of your household. Nothing else I can do though and have had to stop worrying

[CheesyHousePlant]

Oh yes I missed the point about whether its an essential visit.

[goldpartyhat]

@tenlittlecygnets The guidance is fathers can see their children if the parents are separated. Being away from the family home because of work is a similar issue, so dad can come home. Doesn't stop him acting like a dick as OPs DH is. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[NoMorePoliticsPlease]

"imagine ttreading in spit" ? Really who spits on your doorstep

[snowegg]

I'm afraid it sounds pretty standard to me. My DH looks at me like I'm mad for cleaning light switches. But I'd never expect people to clean everything they touch as they touch it.

[30secondsoflove]

Spitting in the street obviously.

[BusterGonad]

No shoes in my house either. I live in a spitty country.

[Spudina]

I actually don’t think he sounds so bad🤷‍♀️ I’m a nurse and have Covid patients. I don’t take my shoes off outside. I’m also not remembering to anti bac my doors when I get in from work. I’m too knackered most days and it’s something my husband has never/will never do.

[midgebabe]

Your lack of awareness is unsettling. Why is he visiting at all?

[MindyStClaire]

Why is he visiting at all?

Presumably because he's the children's father and that's explicitly allowed?

[30secondsoflove]

Hats off to you spudina your work is admirable. However I am shocked you are not taking these extra measures considering you have Covid patients.

[moita]

My DH rolled his eyes when I cleaned the door handle and door bell 🤷‍♀️

[BusterGonad]

I don't clean the door handles, but as soon as we (any family member) get home we wash our hands. I honestly think it's so prelevent that it's a case of you either get it or you don't. Obviously you can take measures to lower your risk but if it's made its way in then cleaning door handles won't do much. I'm by no means taking risks but that's how I feel about it at the moment.