Would you choose to have a second child in a two bed apartment?

[Pavlovthecat]

Not sure if this is the best topic to put this in.

DH and I live in a two bed apartment, it is an ok size but the second bedroom is quite small. We have a kitchen/diner so are able to eat at the table, have a large courtyard with enough space for slide, sandpit, plants and flowers and outdoor toys to be stored. We have a large loft space which is currently being used for storage but has light and telephone/internet point (can't find power but must be possible).

We have a DD just turned two, who is currently in the small second bedroom and has just about enough room for all her toys, in here and in the front room.

Our bedroom is a good size, DD slept in here with us until she was about 7-8months old, in her own cot, enough room for this and our things.

We have a lot of crap, tat which we are throwing out. You know the stuff, old clothes taking up room, old ornaments that we have not got around to chucking. Furniture that no longer really has a purpose but we have used it to store old paperwork that we have not been bothered to had time to sort out.

We had put our apartment on the market in order to buy a house. Part of this was to get a good garden for DD and to have more room for family to come and stay from USA, dining room to eat and spread out a bit. One large part of this decision was as we were considering another baby (for me in particular this was a main reason).

We have decided since, with interest in our apartment being slow, the credit crunch etc, to take it off the market for now as its just not the right thing for us. We have a deposit to put down and are going to pay off some of our mortgage with this, clear debts and get into a god financial position. When the time is right for us, we will make the move to a house.

Mostly, we are happy with this decision, its right for us, the apartment is big enough for us all, we would like bigger but can manage with what we have got, and we can afford to do things like go on holiday as we will have less mortgage and no debts, we can afford to live comfortably.

However, we both are considering another child. Not yet (for me, yes, for DH, he is thinking next year). DH assured me that the decision to stay would have no bearing on any decision about having another child. IE we would not chose not to have another child because we are in an apartment - I had told him my fear that staying here would mean the decision would be not to have a child, made for us, rather than it be because we decided it was not right for us.

However, it is worrying us both, could we manage? Would it put too much of a strain on a perfectly working small family unit in a small family home? Could we wait until we got a house, which could be another 3-4 years yet? Should we wait?

Its long, I am sorry, but I just wanted to get it out as its upsetting me. Mainly as I am feeling very broody!

[Pavlovthecat]

I forgot what I was asking here

Which was, would you choose to have another child in a small place that would be cramped, if the space thing was not resolveable immediately?

[mazzystar]

Friends of mine managed very happily until very recently in a tiny second floor two bed, with two gallumphing children. Children [one of each] now nearly 8 and nearly 5, so they have sold up and are looking for somewhere with a third bedroom and outside space.

[bethoo]

i live in a two bed house and the little bedroom is small. my ds is 16 months and i am due in october. i plan to have the newborn in wiht me for at least 6 months due to bf.
it is not ideal but i ma sure that i will manage. the difference being of course that i rent so it is just a case of renting elsehere.
if you intend to get a larger house eventually i would not let that stand in your way of your desire to have a nother child.

[mazzystar]

So in direct answer to your question - yes. I would get rid of the clutter and see what I could do about the loft and get on with it.

[WelliesAndPyjamas]

in answer to the question, yes, if that was what we both wanted. Bigger families have fitted in less and still come out just fine, happy and healthy

think about it... ttc + 40 weeks + up to a year in a cot = 2/3 years give or take. Not that far off 3/4 yrs, right?

Also: bunkbeds. Great invention

[PotPourri]

IMO there is never an ideal time to have a baby. You need to work out what you want. Do you want a brother or sister for your little one? If so, then a big age gap might not meet what you were looking for. If you are broody, bear in mind that the little one can be in with you for at least a year.

Can you fit bunk beds in dds room? A sensible 4 year old could go in the top bunk.

But the biggest thing I would say is, make sure you both want it, as I imagine there is nowhere more lonely than being in the position that it's 'all your fault for pushing the issue'

[claricebeansmum]

Yes - we had two DC in a small box type room. We lived like that for some time. DS had one of those small kids beds from Ikea that extend as they grow and DD was in cot. Then we got bunk beds and got clever with storage

[PinkTulips]

we had ds while living in a 2 bed with no garden at all. he was in with us til 8/9 months then after being in the same room as dd at my parents for a weekend she insisted on him moving into her room

it was cramped but not impossibly so. we managed until he was 1 and then moved to a 3 bed house in the country with a big garden..... they refused seperate rooms though as theylike sharing, lol.

[Pavlovthecat]

Bethoo/mazzystar - thanks for your replies!

I was thinking that DD would take a month or two to be conceived, 9 months to arrive, 6-8months in with us, so that is almost 3 years, maybe even longer if it takes a while to conceive! By which time we are hoping to be ready to have a child. DH said, we should go on this, and if we are not able to move, we will extend into the loft.

However, extending into the loft is a tough call, as it is unlikely to add as much as it will cost to the value of the property (first time buyer property will always be a first time buyer property even with loft converted, as still an apartment/maisonette), which means if we do that we might even have to stay here longer!

I am just in my bedroom now, after spending some time cleaning the house from DDs party at the weekend, wondering how we would cope with a baby aswell!

And then I think, oh, another baby, we would cope!

Would you wait a year? Or just say what the heck lets do it now? I would start trying now if I thought I could convince DH, but am worried about approaching him, as we had agreed 1 year, discuss again.

[Pavlovthecat]

Wow I took too long typing!

Potpouri - Luckily DH and I talk about everything. And he does know I am feeling broody, and he is quite keen to wait. DD was unplanned, and we felt it was the best thing for us, as we kept saying, lets get to the end of our five year plan - (next year!!!) and then try, lets go on holiday first, lets do this. And then I found out I was expecting, two weeks after moving into our apartment, and it was the best thing that could ever happen to us!

However, this time, we need to make the decision, not let it happen. I hate to feel I was pushing DH into something he was not ready for, yet I would hate for the chance to have another baby pass by because our flat was not big enough and it cloud his judgement on the reasons why he does not want one now. I am also quite confident he would not agree to another baby if he was not wanting one.

I have the contraceptive implant, so the decision to have a baby is very much an active decision, as I physically have to go and have it removed, I could not do that unless DH said that he was 100% ok with me doing it.

And yes, I want a sibling for DD, really that is a hug factor in my wanting another child.

[Wallace]

We had ds1 who was 2 at the time and baby dd in a 1 bedroom house So I think you'll be okay

[Pavlovthecat]

wallace WOW, and it was ok?

I dont mind another LO in our room for a bit longer either. DD wanted to go in her own room, she was ready, but neither DH nor I wanted her to. In fact DH used to get more maudling about it than me!

[TheLadyP]

Not to be negative but it might take longer than you think, so your age might come into it too. We've ended up with an almost four year gap between DD1 and 2 because it took longer than expected and we had a few mishaps on the way. I was in 35 when we had DD1. We're living in a three bed flat with only one room downstairs and no garden and yes it is driving us a bit nuts but we are moving now

[SurfingMummy]

It depends of course on how old you are and what sort of age gap you would like, but if you want dc2 now and you are 35+, then I would go for it! I'm sure you'll manage, esp as you have outside space (always a good thing with toddlers), and surely that would be a better option than delaying perhaps too long so that you couldn't have any more (sorry, don't know how old you are) or the age gap is bigger than you'd like? Dc2 can easily be in your room for a year or more, then they could be in bunks perhaps. Children can be quite adaptable. If you have excess things you want to keep but have nowhere in the flat to store, you could perhaps rent a small storage unit to keep them in?

Alternatively, if you did find the flat too cramped, yet can't sell your flat, perhaps you could let it out and rent someone else larger? You could wait until after the baby comes and see how you feel then?

[Wallace]

It was fine, and it was only for 4 months ds1 was in a single bed at the foot of our double, and dd mostly in bed with us, but we did have a moses basket. Not a particularly big room either!

I really don't remember finding it difficult at all

[Pavlovthecat]

TheladyP and Surfingmummy - thats what I am thinking, it might take weeks/months or it could take longer. I don't know how long it would have taken us if we had planned DD, she was a lucky accident.

I am thinking the least amount of time as this could be 3 years minimum, but as you rightly say, it could be longer, and in which case we are even more likely to not have two toddlers in a small flat.

I think I need to think it is going to be quick, as, for example a friend of mine went to Oz for a year with boyfriend, had been on pill for years, came off it as soon as they went thinking it would take them ages as over 30, and she fell pg within the first month! It it takes longer, thats ok, just how it goes.

I am turning 31 on saturday so not old, but certainly not a yoof anymore!

[Pavlovthecat]

Wallace - To be honest DH is finding the space thing more of an issue than me. His brother lived in a one bed flat for ages with DD 6 and newborn, until newborn was a year, but SIL is from China so it is normal to live like this, she did not bat an eyelid. It has opened my eyes to what can be possible, and it seems others have done it here too.

I quite like the idea of a LO in with us for a bit longer than 6-8 months, and there is space in our room for a single bed as well as ours if it came to it. DD was not up for staying with us longer than 7-8 months though

I really think she would like to have a brother or sister.

[mumfor1standmaybe2ndtime]

I am in a tiny 2 bed terrace house with no garden and having my 2nd baby, my Sister is in a 2 bed flat with 3 children, I really don't think you can let your accomodation situation let you stop living your life.

[ElfOnTheTopShelf]

We are planning another child, but we are in a two bedroom house at the minute. we have been trying to sell for ages, but it is just not happening at the minute.
DD is nearly 3, I didn't really want another until she was 4, but given the current climate, I'm not sure if we can easily sell our home & move.
Our rooms are teeny (well, DD bedroom is!) and the loft is not convertable.
We COULD have another and HOPE we have another girl, or that we sel quickly, but... what if we dont!

[Pavlovthecat]

Elf - I think we are actually very lucky - if the worst came to the worst, we could go into the loft, it will just cost, and not be cost effective in the long term, however DH said, spending money on a property is not just about making money in the future, its about making the space useable for us now and if we lose a little in order to make our space more comfortable to live in, so be it. But it will be last resort.

Am absolutely feeling very broody for another one

[missmama]

We have a house. It is a very small 2 up 2 down victorian terrace.
Their is me and DH in one room,
2 DS's 7.5 and 10 in the other
and DC3 due Dec.
We have no plans for moving at any point, but will see how it goes in 5 years or so.

[Pavlovthecat]

NDTH - thats the problem for me. I have a 2yo to look after and my DH, he is like a teenager! We would have much more space if he tidied up after himself!