I want to stop trying, how do I do it?

[WithFireAndBlood]

I have PCOS, been trying for about a year and a half. Cycles are always upwards of 40 days. I’ve spent approx £5000000 on tests that are always negative, no matter how much I squint at them, hold them up to the light etc.
I’m tired, and sad. I want to stop trying and forget about it all but I can’t seem to be able to stop buying tests and obsessing on forums and apps. How do I stop this obsession, without actually going back on contraception? I just want to be happy again and stop thinking about it all the time. Please tell me if you managed to do this and how you did it.

[VenusStarr]

I don't know :(

I'm back into that horrible constant thinking phase after a mmc. I'd been ttc for 16 cycles before my bfp. The month we managed it I had stopped being so obsessive, literally only noted when we had sex but nothing else and didn't test until af due date, and only then because I had no signs it was coming, never expected to see a bfp. We had been referred to the fertility clinic that month too.

First cycle post mmc and i've indulged in early testing and I feel shit, so next cycle I'm not doing that.

Id love to not be so obsessed by it and just live my life again. You are not alone x

[LollySox]

It's so horrible and stressful we decided to stop when we decided we wanted to adopt. We took 6 months away from it all to grieve and then started the adoption process 14 months later we brought home our little girl. But I understand it's not for everyone but if I could go back I wouldn't change a thing. Hope everything works out for you OP.

[WithFireAndBlood]

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it’s nice to know I’m not alone but equally sad to know others are in the same boat.
It’s the hope that gets me, hope is a right fucker. I’m cycle day 42, cramping and super tired and no spotting which I usually get by now and I think right this is it, I’m going to go buy a test (who am I kidding, I’ve been testing every day for a week), but this time it’s going to be positive but of course it’s not, not even a little bit. I assume the cramping is my period signalling that it’s en route. And who knows how long it’s going to stay this time, will it be 3 days, 3 weeks or even an extended stay of 3 months?! PCOS is a right fucker.
Sorry for the negativity

[WithFireAndBlood]

Venus I’m so sorry to hear about your mmc, especially after trying for so long. It must be so hard to pick yourself back up from that. Sending you all the luck in the world x
Lolly, so glad you got to take home your forever baby through adoption, that is so lovely x

[IncyWincy90]

@WithFireAndBlood I’m so sorry you’re going through such a hard time and all the stress along the way too. I don’t know if it was related to this or just luck but we conceived the month after I’d started with a PT. I was so focussed on exercise and eating healthily I think it took my mind off everything because I had a new focus rather than obsessing over symptoms! I’ve also got a few different friends who were told they were going to be starting IVF by a certain date and then fell pregnant where they’d obviously been given a new focus. Do you have any hobbies that you can try and put your all into to try and keep yourself occupied (as much as you can!)
Hoping you have the happiness you deserve soon 💐

[WithFireAndBlood]

Thank you incywincy! I already go to the gym a fair bit and have a busy life but it’s almost like a drug,I can’t wait to get home and do a test and then be disappointed. I don’t know what the answer is really. I’ve binned all tests that I own and deleted my apps so we will see how that goes. Going to try and stay away from this board too as it can’t help the obsession.
Congrats on your pregnancy/new baby! Xx

[Michellebops]

After a mmc in October my body has been letting me down at every step. I became obsessed, reading on here, googling everything, only to have negative after negative.

In March I stopped buying tests, then on 5th May af arrived (albeit very weird) 2 days late. I decided enough was enough. It was taking over my life.

So this month was no testing opks and no hpt in the house, no idea when I ovulated and I was actually doing ok not thinking about it.

Still popping on here for nosiness more than anything.

To make matters more confusing for me my af came yesterday, 10 days early, only on cd18.

Thinking of actually giving up ttc as concerned I'm about to start the change 😭

Good luck if you manage to relax

[Lexi21]

Hi all! Havent been on here in 2 years since we started trying in july ‘17. My husband and i were trying for 10 months before i got pregnant in April or May of 2018. I also suffer with PCOS and i have endometriosis stage 4 (had a lap to diagnose in Jan ‘19) i was so obsessed with testing and every tiny symptom i thought was a sign i was pregnant. I truly believe i fell pregnant because i originally had my lap booked for june ‘18 so my husband and i said its not going to happen before the op lets just wait till after my op and start trying again, so obviously i relaxed massively thinking it will happen once ive had the op. I was going away to Ireland with family for the weekend and i had a test left so just for old times sake and for the hell of it, i took it before i left to go to the airport and my jaw hit the ground when i saw the positive line appear before the test line (had no symptoms at all apart from cramping for a couple of days which was implantation but i thought it was AF coming)! I was over the moon, we went for a scan when i got back and saw a tiny little dot with a heart beat on the screen (i was 6 weeks exactly), unfortunately it wasnt to last though as 4 days later my little ones heart beat stopped and i suffered a MMC, found out at what was meant to be 10 or 11 weeks when i just new something wasnt right, went back for a scan without anyone knowing and there was nothing there, hearing the words “im sorry but your baby has gone” from the sonographer haunts me to this day. It will be a year ago on the 6th June that i saw the heart beat and we’ve only just started having unprotected sex 3 days ago which my husband agreed to only if i dont obsess this time round, ill give it to him i did go a bit loco haha. Hope you all get BFP’s soon :)