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Being broody when your boyfriend already has a child *HELLPP

(11 Posts)
Januaryflames Sun 05-May-19 11:31:38

*please no judgements very complicated topicsad*

Long strong short I have been with my partner for a 2 years and ever since I met him (about 2 months in) I’ve had some crazy broodiness !

We spoke about the further and that he does want to have children together however he doesn’t want one of yet as he has a child from a past relationship (he is three ).

His BM also does not like me around her son (for no reason she just says she’s protective I just respect that and don’t pressure her). Also her and my boyfriend also always argue as she doesn’t like that he got into a relationship just prior to his sons 1st birthday (please don’t judge as we are really happy together and I’d love to see and support his son also but I’m only trying to respect the mother’s wishes)

Anyway back on topic, what do I do I see his side completely but because he has a child already does that not mean I shouldn’t have one of my own? That’s how it feels a lot and that this is decision is on his and his bm situation.

It is worth mentioning that of all the adults in this Me and my partners have good paying jobs and I have my own home and he drives. I have always wanted to have the traditional family ie marriage kids ect however this isn’t a traditional situation and I’m not than happy to be flexible because I love my man but idk what to do about this desiresad also it makes it hard because I feel excluded a lot him the sons life I am respectful of the Mother’s wishes but it does make me feel quite alone. My partner always talks about his sons which is so loveley but always says “when you’re a mother you’ll know what it’s like” unknowing of my hope to me a mother it really gets me down.

Btw before I met him I was never broody my idea was to have kids at 28+ , I turned 23 in January so clearly my plan is out the window haha!

Anyway after reading this how should I handle this situation ? Sorry it’s long and please no harsh judging obviously this is only a little of a whole relationship and again we are really happy together

Januaryflames Sun 05-May-19 11:35:51

Sorry for my terrible spelling I am dyslexic - this is my first post idk how to edit the word right

ElektraLOL Sun 05-May-19 11:38:06

I had my first baby at 21. As you are 23 you do have plenty of time. It sounds as if you possibly are feeling left out, which I completely understand but you don't have to be a young parent in order for your relationship to work.

I loved being a young parent but it does put your life on hold and you can't do all the things you could before.

mylittlenugget Sun 05-May-19 11:38:54

Is there any way you can babysit for friends or family? I think 2 years into a relationship is quite soon to be thinking of children, no way did I know enough about my partner to have a child with him 2 years in to the relationship.
I can also understand your boyfriends thinking of waiting because he already has one child. It sounds like the relationship with his child and his ex isn't very stable and if you haven't met the child yet it wouldn't be fair to then bring another into the equation - his first will feel pushed out by a woman he's not met.
I'd ask him when he thinks he will be ready to have another child, and see if you're happy with that answer. And maybe push a little to see if you can spend time with his son, the mother can't really dictate what he does with him during contact as long as the child is safe so see about doing some days out to the local zoo or something.

bamboofibre Sun 05-May-19 11:45:02

You are 23 and already compromising all the values you hold, that you want marriage and then kids, for a bloke who already has a ton of baggage. Why is your self esteem so low? The world is full of men, over 3bn of them, there are plenty who don't have all these issues with a kid, an ex, doesn't want to get married and have kids. You have the world at your feet and you're selling it short for a man who's landed on his feet with a nice young girlfriend who owns her own home (he drives, whoopty shit, my 17-year-old drives, too) after he rebounded off his ex who has a kid with him. Give your head a wobble. You don't need a kid with this guy. He's well on his way to becoming a baby daddy.

Januaryflames Sun 05-May-19 11:53:58

Hey thank you for your advice! I would love to meet his son and we have asked a few times but it always kicks off so we’ve just decided to respect thatsad our relationship is really so it wouldn’t be a saving grace but I deffo wouldn’t dream of being a baby into that , I just can’t shake the feeling. Maybe you’re right and it’s because I feel really left out but I honestly don’t know how to handle that in the past she’s been more than happy to reduce visits ect so for the sake of the father son relationship we just do as she says. I get worried that the crap between puts a lot of our relationship development on hold sometimes sad

ElektraLOL Sun 05-May-19 11:57:04

I think @bamboofibre is possibly right. Everything would be a lot easier for you if you met a guy who is at the same point in life as you. Which you can easily do if you choose. Unless you are absolutely sure this man is the love of your life.

Januaryflames Sun 05-May-19 12:01:28

My boyfriend is a AMAZING father he puts his child before everything before all the drama, he shouldn’t be alone because his baby mama is difficult no doubt she’d love that and it doesn’t do him justice. I’d rather have a good kind man that has a baby than an asbusive ahole with no kids. My last relationship was abusive and I left him he had no kids but it didn’t qualify him to be a boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend also love each other very much (yes we scrap once in a while it’s not perfect) but he doesn’t take it too far never gets too angry and we always come back together at the end of the day. Yes I’m not getting my dream relationship but I have my dream man!

ElektraLOL Sun 05-May-19 12:20:21

Of course @Januaryflames I think people are just saying don't settle. In your early 20s is when all the best men go - this really is true. If you're sure he's the one then great but you should stay with him for you, not for him thanks

bamboofibre Sun 05-May-19 12:24:53

I’d rather have a good kind man that has a baby than an asbusive ahole with no kids.

It's possible to have both! A nice man who has no baggage or 'baby mamma', especially when you are only 23 and own your own home. He's obviously not a 'dream man' if you're posting on here. But hey, he landed on his feet with you.

Januaryflames Sun 05-May-19 12:51:01

I’m posting on here due to my situation, not my boyfriend. He didn’t land on his feet he earned my heart. He doesn’t benefit from me owning my home I do that was only mentioned in case someone said focus on being financially stable which I am. So now I refer back to advise on the situation it’s quite clear I love him very much and I haven’t settled. A baby does not devalue humans. If that’s the case than parents should date only date parents and singles should only date singles which means a lot of mothers would have to date father however they’re rightly told they should date whom they want but when it’s a man it’s the other way around? Pfft

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