Partner Issues

[pinkoi]

So we have been TTC (#2 and DD is already 4.5) for 3 months but as it's not working and time is against us (I'm 37 this year and my partner is 52) I decided to pay more attention to fertile windows etc and track my CM this month.

I have tried to talk to my partner about the need to have sex during the right times of the month in order for it to work but he just wants "to be cool and natural about it" meaning this month we haven't done it at all because he has been working late or not coming to bed or falling asleep before he orgasms when we did try. I have tried to say "look it's now we need to try" but he starts talking about not wanting to plan things.

I asked him if it was because he had changed his mind and he said no.

I'm trying not to get too upset but I feel like it's not likely to work at my age as it is without missing out entire months. We now won't have a baby this year. My DD will be so much older if we do manage to conceive, she is soo enthusiastic about a sibling but I fear this will all change the older she gets.
I really wanted to start trying in 2017 but due to my mother getting ill and then dying in 2018 then me getting made redundant and sorting out her affairs there just hasn't been a good time to start trying and now my partner is acting like we have all the time in the world.

I don't know how best to handle this with him, weather it's best for me to fully explain fertile windows etc or if that will just put him off more. We didn't TTC with no 1 so this is all new territory.

[Rtmhwales]

Trying to put it gently but you're probably making sex unsexy by putting it that way - I'd be put off making it a chore too, even if I enjoyed it regularly.

Why not stop telling him when you're ovulating. Keep track of it yourself, still have sex when he suggests (and you want to) even if it's outside of the fertile window and when it is your fertile window try to up the likelihood he's interested? Flirty banter, foreplay etc.

[Yakadee]

@pinkoi - agree with pp. Don't tell him when so it seems 'spontaneous' and hopefully he'll be on board.

I told my husband when it was time to go and he was fine to begin with but it did feel like a chore after a few times.

Good luck xx

[Boredgiraffes]

You do sound like you are making this a chore for you and him, maybe try something different

[pinkoi]

Thanks for your replies and suggestions .

It sounds more like the partner issues are me, rather than him! Thanks for the perspective.

The last thing I want is for it to feel like a chore but at the same time, I reasoned that it would be best for us to both be aware of when I was most fertile, to give it the best chance. I think I'd want to know that in his shoes. But it seems like I have just succeeded in wrecking any chance we did have by being too open about it. I assumed you try every month because chances are so low now.

I guess after the couple of years I have had (I hoped to have had more children already but then my mother got ill and died) I got over excited with the idea of TTC just because I thought finally life was going forward again with making my own family. I guess I enjoyed having that bit of hope each month.
Time for me to step back and start to accept that at my age it may very well never happen. I'm not quite sure how to begin accepting that.

Thanks all
Xxx

[Kinsters]

It's not to say don't try each month - just don't make it all about baby making. Initiate sex regularly and then when it's your fertile window you'll be having sex anyway. I think it's common for guys to not want to know when "the" day is because it puts pressure on them.

You're only 36, that's really not that old. And trying for 3 months isn't that long a time. Try not to stress about it and just make sure you're having plenty of sex throughout your cycle.

[pinkoi]

@Kinsters
Thanks - it's soo hard not to freak out about it all!!