Feeling like an awful person

[CR1802]

Hey everyone, I'm new here and looking for some advice.

After years of me desperately trying to get my husband on board with TTC, finally, we are. We've been trying for 6 months now, with no luck.

My main issue is other people. Someone close to me had a miscarriage, and I didn't deal with it well, which left me feeling like a horrible person. Although I felt sympathy for her, I was also jealous. I was jealous that she had been pregnant without even trying, and then i felt like a bi**h for thinking that way.

Recently I found out someone close to me is also pregnant, after 6 years of trying and many miscarriages. I felt less jealous about this, because they've been trying so long, but still in the back of my mind I was thinking "why not me"

I love these two people and were all close, but I just don't know how to manage my obsessive and selfish emotions. Is this normal?

[Aria2015]

I think feeling jealous is natural but it's something you need to try and keep in check. I felt sadness and jealousy at other people’s pregnancies but I had had multiple miscarriages and so a lot of it was their good fortune was a painful reminder of my misfortune. It's hard when you want something badly, but you do have to try and keep perspective on things. You've been trying six months, which I'm sure feels like a long time but in the grand scheme isn't really. Also you need to remember that there is no logic or fairness to who gets pregnant, who has a healthy pregnancy, who has a miscarriage. It's just a lottery really and it’s certainly too early in the game for you to have to worry that you're on the losing end. So in short, you're not a terrible person for feeling the way you do but do try and keep perspective over the situation. I'm sure you'll have your own good news soon and then you’ll find that all these feelings disappear and you actually get very excited about others pregnancy announcements. Best of luck.

[CR1802]

Thank you, all of that makes a lot on sense to me for sure. I never let these feelings show, I feel I should elaborate that I was told could have trouble falling pregnant when I was a teenager. I think that's where a lot of these worries are coming from. I know 6 months is literally nothing in terms of trying, and hopefully soon I can join in with all the pregnancy chats. Thank you for replying, it's nice to know I'm not alone with these feelings 😊