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am i selfish? wanting another, being jealous?

(20 Posts)
onechild Wed 04-Jul-07 23:10:51

Ok so i got beutifull dd 13mo would love another we have been ttc on and off for 1yr as it took 18months to concieve dd,
A girl that lives close to me is 4 months pg she has dd 2yo whose father is unknown she also is single!
My cousins gf is pg again her dd not even 7mo.
So im feeling really down that these girls that are known bicycles are pg and im not.
I know im soo lucky to have my dd but i want large family and am finding this really difficult my dp is oblivious to how im feeling an pointed out that both these are pg!
What am i doing wrong?
Thanks for listening needed to air that as feeling crap about the way im feeling

ScottishMummy Wed 04-Jul-07 23:29:41

a baby is a genuine blessing a beautiful thing ..and it happens when it happens..idiosyncratic thing fertility - some people appear to get pregnant just walking by mothercare, others don't

so be happy for the preganat girls - and dont be consumed by what-if/why-her/why-not-me its counter productive and stress impairs fertility so chill out. envy is a genuine waste of effort

good luck hope your baby wish come true

onechild Thu 05-Jul-07 08:58:17

thanks for your words was tired and had a lot of caffine which is unlike me so think it sent me on a crazy one!
Am happy for them it just seems it will take forever again.

ScottishMummy Thu 05-Jul-07 09:49:02

LOL caffenine makes me wacko too - stopped in when up the duff and now im very sensitive to it now

hope you hear wee feet soon

onechild Thu 05-Jul-07 16:18:48

I had lot dr pepper last night i have decaff coffee as a general rule have done since ttc dd,
Thanks have had bout of tears and feeling all over the place so af will be here soon lol

ScottishMummy Thu 05-Jul-07 19:09:30

aww take care of yourself- watch some junk tv, read a mag, sneak a wee chocolate ba but most of all take care

onechild Thu 05-Jul-07 20:27:38

will take care thanks you too

TaylorsMummy Fri 06-Jul-07 10:32:21

omg, i am shocked by your post

'known bicycles'

Bloody cheek.i'm too fuming to post any more cos i'll say something i regret

onechild Fri 06-Jul-07 12:06:10

ok i wasnt posting on here to be judged!
I am shocked at your reaction cause if you had read the thread properly i was airing my feelings as i didnt like feeling crap about the way i was feeling.
Would you have prefered if i had refered to them as ladies that have had many one night stands and have gotten pg several times getting rid of the baby rather than taking contraception before hand?
I was over this niggle so thanks for your post.

littlelapin Fri 06-Jul-07 12:09:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onechild Fri 06-Jul-07 12:11:24

I was feeling low and bad about mu own feelings, wasnt sure what to put as title was tired upset and had far too much caffine!

allgonebellyup Fri 06-Jul-07 12:11:46

Agree with Taylorsmummy - how dare you judge these other women?? Who are you to call them "bikes"?

perhaps karma is making its way around??!

TaylorsMummy Fri 06-Jul-07 12:53:49

how dare you?! How the hell do you know whether or not they have had one night stands or not? and what the hells it got to do with you whether they chose to use contraception or not?

one of them is your cousins gf so she's clearly not had a one night stand,has she? and how do you know about the other one? have you gone and asked her?

So, because you are married,does that make you more worthy of being a mother? Motherhood is not dependant on being married you know,we don't live in the dark ages,you know.

god,you have made me so bloody angry,i can't tell you. what right have you got to talk about others like you do?

would it make you feel better if they were infertile? just cos you can't get pg does that mean that shouldn't either? them not being pg is not gonna make you get pg any quicker,is it?

maybe they will teach their children not to be so bloody judgemental and nasty.
what the hell are you going to teach your dd with attitudes like yours?

ScottishMummy Fri 06-Jul-07 14:03:16

onechild is not the only person to have ever composed a thread whilst vulnerable, and maybe used language/comments that is inappropriate/judgemental/others dont like, she has admitted she was tired/felt bit crap/felt vulnerable...

aprilmeadow Fri 06-Jul-07 14:56:18

I dont think you are doing anything wrong in terms of thepg thing. Perhaps you should make an appt to see your dr just to make sure that things are all in working order. I say this because a friend of mine fell pg with her 1st without any trouble at all but then struggled to fall pg 2nd time round and found that she had PCOS (in no way am i saying that this could be your problem i am just hilighting that there maybe a particular reason as to why you are not falling pg). It must be very hard to see people getting pg at what seems like a drop of a hat when all the while thats what you are wanting.

I went to school with a girl who has one dd and has gotten pg several more times. Each time she has aborted, one was at 26weeks! She makes me so mad that she can get pg, which not all women can do, and gets throws them away as it were without a care in the world. She is completely selfish and has said that she has no desire for another baby but wont do anything about not creating one.

Onechild, i wish you loads of positive baby vibes and hope that you can add to your little family soon

TaylorsMummy Fri 06-Jul-07 15:02:36

aprilmeadow - the example you give is extreme and is awful.i think everyone would agree with that.

but onechild is just coming across as so bitter and twisted in her post. it doesn't sound like either of the two women she has taken a dislike to have done anything to deserve it.one is her cousin's gf and has a 7 month old.it seems onechild is jealous that she has got pg again so quickly but has no right to judge as she says she has been ttc for a year and her dd is 13mo

the other one has a 2yo who's father is unknown (to who? to her or to every one else in the neighbourhood?) and is pg again but apparently single.well,maybe she's not single? how the hell does onechild know unless she's hanging about outside her front door 24/7?

this is just sour grapes.nothing else.just plain jealousy.

amsr02 Sat 21-Jul-07 12:17:34

I completely understand. I must sound daft because I already have four but I have always wanted six, but my partner just had the snip done two months ago, I kept asking him not to have it done but with out discussion went ahead with it anyway. For me thats heart breaking knowing how I felt I feel like iv been let down, and hes taken my chance of having anymore children with him away it makes me feel angry. I know Im blessed with the four I have becasue some people cant even have one but when you you have expectations for your future it gets u down. I do hope u manage to get pregnant because I understand how you feel watching everyone else extending their familys

amsr02 Sat 21-Jul-07 12:28:21

I must point out Im never jealouse I am more than happy to see people getting pregnant and having their family.

beansprout Sat 21-Jul-07 12:42:25

I've just spent a year ttc and I know how hard it can be to watch other people be pregnant (sometimes unplanned) while you would love another baby of your own.

I'm sure the OP was just letting off steam in what she thought was a safe place. It's not like she is waging a local whispering campaign!!

wannaBe Sat 21-Jul-07 12:45:09

I’m sorry to say that being vulnerable and on cafeen is no excuse for saying what the hell you want about who the hell you want. Especially on an internet forum where you can read and re-read and correct and review before posting. But in answer to your op…

You are being selfish.

It’s one thing to feel some sadness when someone else gets pregnant and it’s not you, I know only too well the feeling of sadness when my sister rang me to tell me she was pregnant, just hours after I had had a negative pregnancy test myself. But it wasn’t sadness because she was pregnant, it was sadness because I wasn’t. But to say it’s unfair that someone can have a baby at the drop of a hat when that someone doesn’t live the same kind of life as you do is judgemental and selfish. You say that you didn’t come here to be judged, and yet you seem to think it’s acceptable to judge others, you can’t have it both ways.

I’m a great believer that we should be grateful for the things we do have rather than resentful of the things we don’t/can’t have. At least you have one child, that’s far more than some have. There’s another poster on these boards who ttc her first baby for 5 years, who eventually fell pregnant and had a textbook pregnancy, then at 40 weeks she went into labour and the chord got wrapped round her baby’s neck and he was stillborn. She has now been ttc again, unsuccessfully, for the past two years. And yet never have I heard her talk of sadness of other people’s pregnancies, she has only ever been happy for them. She has been to hell and back and yet she is such a positive person, she is an inspiration to all those who resent other people having what they don’t.

You have a child, be grateful for that. Maybe you will never have another baby, maybe you’re not meant to have another baby. But at least you have one. And yes, I feel qualified to say that as I have been ttc for the past two and a half years and accepted a long time ago that I will probably only ever have one child.

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