Farewell

[Cupcakesandlove]

So I’m writing this to simply say I’ve given up and made a doctors appointment on the 30 th to go back on the pill.
My cousin gave birth yesterday and a close friend just announced her pregnancy.
We have been trying for our second child
For over a year, and now enough is enough. For whatever reason I’m only suppose to be a mother to my lovely daughter.
I’ve had my bloods taken all we’re ok I had Day 21 bloods taken and the levels were rising but I tested on the wrong day, I’ve done opks everything. Nothing worked.
I found out I seem to be ovulating on day 14/15 of a 25 day cycle so it’s obvious that I will never amount to a viable pregnancy.
As I’m 27 and I have a child my gp won’t put me on any medication.
I think it’s “gods” way of saying it’s not suppose to be. Then tonight when my friend announced she was expecting I cried not happy tears tears of utter devastation. Like my heart had literally been ripped out of my chest sobbing.
It’s rediculous as I have a child and maybe I need to focus on being happy with her (which I am).
Really I just wanted to say thank you for all the invaluable information this website has supplied me with, if I only I could somehow forget it all!!!!
But anyway good luck to everyone on here and I hope that how ever long you have been trying a day a year or 10 years
I really do hope you all get a joyous baby at the end of it!
All the best. X

[twobambinos]

Oh god I'm so sorry cupcakes.
It took us 9 months go conceive our second. No explanation why it took longer than the first. I was 27 at the time too. We eventually went for acupuncture and I was taking agnus cactus. I think this was to lengthen lp.
If you look at the stats about how many conceive within the first year and then the second year I think it's around 90%. Try not to give up hope. Xxxx

[mamabear05]

Awww @Cupcakesandlove I'm so sorry to hear you're really feeling it atm. Would you not go through a period of NTNP and just see what happens?? They do say when they relax it often takes women but suprise! Have you also looked into dietary changes to help lengthen your luteal phase? I'm sure I've read about different vitamins having this effect x

[Justwaitingforaline]

I get it, OP, I’ve given up too. Cycle 18 was last month and I’ve booked in to get the copper coil later this month. I just can’t deal with the sadness and longing any more and somehow it seems a hell of a lot easier to deal with when it’s your choice.

[Bubblegum89]

I’m sorry to hear that :( I’m 28 and have been ttc #2 for 15 months. All my tests have come back fine so far as have OH’s. Because I have my daughter, we are not eligible for any fertility treatment on the NHS even though my OH is not her biological dad.

Have you had tests such as an HSG to check your uterine cavity and your tubes? Sometimes you can be ovulating perfectly fine (as I am) but if you have blocked tubes or adhesions in your uterus (as I believe I have), that will stop you from conceiving until you have them fixed. My consultant at the fertility clinic said that it’s perfectly normal for a couple to take two years to conceive naturally even without issues.

I know how you feel about other pregnancies. My little sister is 35 weeks pregnant and her pregnancy was an accident. I have just blocked three people on a Facebook in the last few months as they announced how they were pregnant either on first try or that they weren’t even trying. There’s at least one thread on here every day of a nice positive pregnancy test with the caption “omg bfp and it’s only our first month ttc!” It breaks my heart.

I don’t think you should give up totally. If you haven’t had any internal tests, push for them. If you have, just continue to ttc but don’t put so much pressure on yourself. I wasted my entire 2017 stressing about ttc. I refuse to waste any more time. I’m going to live my life with my partner and my daughter this year. I think after ttc for so long, a break is just wait you need. Don’t rule yourself out completely. I totally understand you though, the amount of times I’ve said “that’s it, I’m giving up, it’s obviously not meant to be” is ridiculous! I wouldn’t wish long term ttc on my worst enemy. It’s soul destroying and worse so when you’re surrounded by people who only need to sniff a penis and they get pregnant. Sending hugs

[MynameisJune]

I’m so sorry to read this, long term TTC for any baby whether it’s no1 or no21 is still bloody heartbreaking.

I’d definitely take some time off TTC, but I would abstain from any birth control and just let whatever happens, happen. Big hugs x

[Cupcakesandlove]

Thank you all for your kind words it’s nice to know I’m not the only one, despite feeling like it.
We’ve had so many pregnancy’s and births in my circle of friends and family and while I have tried to remain upbeat and positive this last one broke me.
I honestly feel like my heart has actually shattered.
Every living second of my life is spent thinking about a baby I haven’t got when I do have a child. And I now feel deeply upset and guilty that I’ve let it take up so much of my time.
My partner and I both wanted another but he’s so relaxed about it doesn’t see the issue and just wants to let it be. But I can’t I can’t physcally let it go on a second more.
I initially had to stop the pill this time last year as my periods stopped, however we had been wanting to try for number two so it just gave us the push... not that it needed to.
I’ve had blood test done I’m not sure what they were for but they all came back fine. I also had a day 21 blood test done but when it was done it was only 22 higher than the 11 but the think I tested to early.
I’m sorry for everyone that feels as hurt as I do right now. I hope we all find happiness in whatever way. X

[JessieMcJessie]

Hi. Sorry to hear you’re so sad about this. 27 is very young to be resigning yourself to not having another baby if that’s is what you want. Why don’t you consider saving for a few years and then pay for private treatment? It’s not always tens of thousands like you read in the press. Our son was born after IVF and our bills came to less than £6,000. And you might not even need IVF.

Best of luck x

[needagoodusername]

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time of it, ttc can be heartbreaking, especially with so much baby news around you 😢

If you don't mind me asking, please could you explain why ovulating on day 14/15 of a 25 day cycle is making it hard to conceive?

Hugs to you, please don't give up on your dream of another baby though.xx

[polkadotpixie]

An 11 day luteal phase is slightly short but not catastrophic & could definitely support a pregnancy. My luteal phase is 11 days (sometimes even 10) and although it took me a year I'm now 5w2d so please don't give up hope

Have you had any tests?

[ShowOfHands]

need, ovulating on day 14/15 of a 25 day cycle is not a problem. A normal luteal phase is between 10 and 16 days so it's within that.

Op it does sound like you need a break and some kind, gentle support. I wish you luck and love with your journey.

[Eminybob]

Oh op it’s devastaing it’s it.
I’ve been TTC no 2 for 18 months now so I know exactly how you feel. I have a short luteal phase too, which I didn’t seem to have when I conceived DS.

I gave it to the end of last year then said I was going to come to terms with DS being an only, and get on with my life. I have been putting off getting a new kitchen as was worried about money if we have another, so said if I wasn’t pregnant in December I would have a kitchen instead.

Well, I’ve ordered the kitchen but decided to keep going this month. Maybe next, I don’t know.

DS is 3.5 and I didn’t really want a gap bigger than 4 years but that ship has sailed. Plus I’m going to be 38 this year.

Perhaps just stay off contraception but don’t actually “try”? Easier said than done I know though.

Good luck whatever you decide to do

[lauraboscawen]

cupcakesandlove, sorry to hear you're struggling to conceive. Have you ever considered acupuncture? Not only does it rebalance your body in order to put it in the ideal state to house a baby, but it also decreases the stress around trying to conceive, which is half the battle. I have found it very successful for my clients either struggling to conceive or who have repeated miscarriages. If you'd be interested I work at Chelsea Bridge Clinic. Any questions message me. Wishing all the best if not xxx

[iniquity]

Cupcakes , imagine yourself at 45 years old knowing you had given up on the idea of having another child after just one year of trying. I think you would have strong words with your younger self. By all means stop actively trying but don't go on contraception. You need to find a way of dealing with your feelings instead.

[Vitalogy]

By all means stop actively trying but don't go on contraception. That's what I was thinking. I know easier said than done but try and put it to the back of your mind and carry on with your everyday living, while staying off contraception, you never know.

[Autumn0909]

Don’t give up just yet! A year is a long time, but it can take longer. I know people who’ve conceived naturally after longer than a year, myself included.
I agree with some of the previous posters - don’t go back on contraception but don’t ‘try’, as hard as it may seem.
Good luck!

[MouseLove]

Please Don't give up - what would the pill solve? Unless you feel you can't move on mentally without taking a contraception?

I've lengthened my cycle with acupuncture. From 9 to 10 days. Progesterone will also help. Might it be worth having some tests privately? A year is only a short amount of time and I'm sure with some luteal phase support and research you could lengthen yours. Diet, supplements and weight can play a part too.
I'm sorry! X

I'm TTC #1 now for 18 months. 😔

[timeisnotaline]

Why would you go back on contraception though? I love the times we aren’t using contraception, it’s so annoying!

[timeisnotaline]

I didn’t mean that to sound rude. I was just wondering why you would actively work against conceiving when the method of doing so (contraceptives) doesn’t add anything at all to your life or sex life. Also, I don’t think not succeeding after a year is the end of the game at all, plenty of people have been in that boat and then it happens for them.

[Cupcakesandlove]

Just an update i gave birth to another girl on the 7th october xxx

[MakeAWhish]

@Cupcakesandlove I just read this thread not noticing it was an old one, and I gasped in delight when I read your update! Congratulations! I guess you conceived around the same time as starting this post?!

[Weathermonger]

Congratulations. Wonderful news. Just goes tonshow, you should never give up hope !

[intelligentPutty]

@Cupcakesandlove that's amazing news. Sounds a lot like me. After 3 years of actively trying and miscarriages it ectopic I had just about given up on dc2.
My friend told me on the day I told her of miscarriage that she was 6 weeks pregnant. I'd had enough. 2 weeks later I conceived and now snuggled up (and sleep deprived with dd2) born at beginning of Nov.
It just shows that sometimes when we truly give up it can work out! Congratulations again. So happy for you especially having read your first posts. X

[Want2bSupermum]

Congratulations! I just read through this thinking 'please get the kitchen....then you will get pregnant!'

So did you get the kitchen?!?

My good friend tried for 10 years for their baby. She had so many miscarriages. During this time I've had 3 babies. It's been so hard for them but they had their first in July, shortly after moving. Ironically once they stopped trying she got pregnant and it stuck. She was doing acupuncture to help with back pain and continued it during her pregnancy. She is 42 with a 3 month old. Her doctor has advised her to not use birth control and just see if it happens again if they want a 2nd.

[Eminybob]

That is amazing op, I’m so glad you didn’t give up! I posted on this thread at the beginning of the year, as I was in the same boat as you, and I’m actually in hospital now having given birth to DS2 last night!

congratulations to us both

[NoUnicornsToSeeHere]

So pleased to see a zombie thread resurrected.

I’m another one of those irritating people who got pregnant as I gave up on the idea of getting pregnant (although it was a longer wait in my case).

A word of warning though, just because getting pregnant has taken years and years of trying for your first two children, conception is still a one off event, not an endurance test. Words which would have done me some good to think about in January. //stares at the much loved but not at all planned for six week old, DC3, lying next to me...