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Would love a baby - so badly! What's wrong with me....!

(18 Posts)
Emmastone123 Fri 13-Jan-17 18:01:53

Married for less than a year, 27. I am absolutely desperate for a baby. I'm obsessed with them. We have recently brought our own house in London. Husband has a good job and just got promoted. I work as a primary school teacher. BUT my husband doesn't want to start trying till April. He wants to have some more time to chill out and get all his 'ducks in a row'. Told him we are pretty much there and you're never going to be ready for a baby!
I think he's a little scared to be honest. He loves babies, but none of his friends are even married let alone thinking about babies. What do I do?!?! I'm so broody it's killing me!!!! sad

confusedat23 Fri 13-Jan-17 18:37:44

Hey Emma first thing to do is calm down lol... April is not thar long away! Have you got anything you want to do first? My advice would be to write a list of everything you would like to do to have kids and make plans between now and April to do them...

Next thing is what are you using for contraception at the moment?

Ilovecaindingle Fri 13-Jan-17 18:41:21

It's fine to start taking folic acid now so there's a start!!

Emmastone123 Fri 13-Jan-17 18:53:53

I'm just so broody. I read all the posts on here about people with their babies and I'm so envious!! We are using condoms and I'm taking folic acid. I make such a big fuss taking it every night in front of him to make a point!!!!!

confusedat23 Fri 13-Jan-17 19:47:37

Hmmm well have you got yourself an app to start tracking your cycles now? It can be very helpful when you are symptom spotting on tww... of you want to join some other ladies also all waiting to start TTC we are on a thread called Getting ready for baby challenge

MrsGB2015 Sat 14-Jan-17 07:16:54

I think the more you push your husband, the more trapped he may feel. I know it's hard when you are so desperate to start (I've been there!)
We agreed on a date and when that date arrived my DH said he didn't feel ready. I went crazy. After a calm down and some googling, I asked him what he was nervous about and said I would wait until he was ready. We talked through everything and I didn't mention babies for a couple of weeks (got my baby fix from stalking MN conception threads) and then FINALLY he said he was ready to try and now we are TTC! It will happen and waiting a couple more months is so much better in the long run than making him feel trapped and resentful.

Mol1628 Sat 14-Jan-17 07:20:33

You have the rest of your adult life to enjoy raising children. Enjoy it being just you and your husband a little longer.

MusterTheRohirim Sat 14-Jan-17 07:34:56

I get it, really I do, but pressuring him might scare him further and make him say 'actually, April is too soon'.

Having a baby will change your life permanently and massively and if he's not ready it's a bit unfair to be pushing it (I do know how you feel though, really!) You will never have the life to have now again and he might feel resentful of you trying to take it from him.

You just have to be patient, as hard as it is, and focus on the great things you can do before babies, like go out whenever you like and wear nice things baby puke would ruin! Best of luck with it all and I hope you are both happily expecting before too long.

butterflycatcher Sat 14-Jan-17 17:41:36

Hey, I am feeling exactly the same. I have been wanting to try for a baby since last summer. My OH says he isn't ready and he doesn't know when he will be ready. It's killing me. I want to talk about it with him but am also worried that he will see that as me pushing him. I know he is scared, he is a natural worrier. I want to be able to comfort him and tell him that he is going to be an amazing father without it feeling like I'm putting pressure on him. Such a tricky position to be in but as other posters have said, wait until you know this is what both of you want and that he isn't just agreeing with something to please you. I'm sure you will feel so much better for it when you pregnant.

Bibblewanda Sat 14-Jan-17 17:45:09

I read all the posts on here about people with their babies and I'm so envious

Not sure you've read all the threads about people with babies in that case, unless you enjoy never sleeping, being vomited on and generally being at the mercy of what I can only describe as a tiny dictator with a split personality grin

Seriously April is only a few months away, relax.

MrsG30 Sat 14-Jan-17 21:40:39

OP - I'm in the same boat as you. My DH has said April (what the hell is with that month!). I'm starting to loose the plot. Seriously considered just putting holes in the condoms!!! (I haven't and won't!)

I can't help, but I'm right there with you and know how you feel.

I'm taking folic acid now and have changed my diet and exercise for the better, so it makes me feel like I'm doing something towards it.

Sometimes though I just want to punch him in the throat when he says 'not til April!'

Emmastone123 Sun 15-Jan-17 10:05:26

Thanks for the posts lovely ladies! I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one! I'm trying to be healthy/ excerise etc but it's bloody hard. Just hope when April comes he doesn't change his mind......

Emmastone123 Sun 15-Jan-17 10:06:48

MrsG what folic acid are you taking? I'm just on the Boots 400. X

Scattymere Sun 15-Jan-17 10:22:30

OP-as a 35 yr old mum of two young DC can recommend enjoying at least 1-2 years of married life without trying for kids-and getting your DH on board by planning an amazing, crazy adventure that you definitely couldn't do with kids- then starting to try once you come back.We did a US road trip as our last crazy holiday-something we now couldn't do again until lour kids are much much older. Be wild, be free, enjoy being young and in love and create some amazing memories before being bogged down by kids!!

MrsG30 Sun 15-Jan-17 13:36:43

EmmaStone - I'm taking Sainsbury's 400mg at the minute. Also eating lots of leafy green veg as that's meant to be high in it too.

I actually sat hubby down last night and told him how i felt as I've not been sleeping properly with the worry and upset of having to wait. I set out exactly why I thought we should start trying earlier, and he agreed! I can't believe it.

I explained to him how much the worry of not being able to conceive for some reason has been affecting me, that if we wait til April then have problems, it'll be even later before we get any help, also that my body feels ready. I told him "I'm not trying to pressure you into it, but you're my husband and it's important that you know when I'm upset". He went quiet for a while and I left it alone, then he agreed and said while he thinks we'll have no issues he understands my POV.

Maybe have a chat with your OH just to explain to him how you feel and why, without asking him to change his mind right away? Explain that you understand where he is coming from, but even if you got pregnant immediately, a baby wouldn't arrive til October at the earliest, so there is lots of time to prepare?

Emmastone123 Sun 15-Jan-17 18:49:24

MrsG I'm so pleased for you! I hope you conceive without any problems. I get about talking to him but I tried that a couple of days ago and he was like April at the earliest. I really tried to explain my point of view but I just don't think he's mentall ready. Feel a bit crap but just going to keep taking the folic acid and being positive! I'll let you know if he changes his mind. It's just so frustrating because like you I feel so ready and like I'm totally in the right places / frame of mind and it's frustrating he doesn't see things like me sad xxx

MrsG30 Sun 15-Jan-17 19:09:28

emma 'hugs' I'm so sorry for the upset and frustration you're going throughsad

MouseLove Sun 15-Jan-17 20:24:56

I think taking this time will mentally prepare you for your TTC journey. If you start now you'll probably be completely miserable and upset that every single cycle you might not get a BFP. Being a parent means being patient. I waited 8 years. You can surely wait 4 months. Be brave and responsible. Your time will come. But maybe right now you need to focus on enjoying being a wife. Explore the world!! It's amazing.

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