TTC – who did you tell?

[siameseturkey]

Hello there lovely mumsnetters,

I'm quite new round here so I don't know if this has been covered before.

Been TTC for the 1st time for 7 months and have only told one close friend who lives in another city, plus a couple of 'non' friends/people I don't see much like my hairdresser.

I just wondered who and how many people you told? I ask as I'm feeling like I'm keeping a massive secret. I also feel like I'm lying to friends – one friend of mine is moving overseas and has chatted about me visiting her next year. I could be pregnant by then (but of course I may not be) so I went along with it with my fingers crossed behind my back

Reasons for not telling people are not wanting the pressure "are you pregnant yet?", especially if it doesn't happen and not wanting to get family's hopes up...I'm the 'wrong' side of 35!

Thanks all!

[Dazedandconfusedtoomuchpeppa]

I've so far told a few close friends and no one else. Other friends are struggling to conceive and feel like it would be unnecessary to tell them until there's actually anything to tell. Not told family.

Hope you get your BFP soon!

[RachTom19]

We haven't told a soul. Id rather be able to surprise everyone than have them all half expect the news!

Plus I don't want everyone jumping to conclusions if I ever turn down a glass of wine (unlikely, but best to cover all bases!)

[siameseturkey]

Good point RachTom19, it will be nice to surprise everyone if we get a BFP. And I'm in a similar position Dazed with a friend who is struggling, so I do agree announcing that we are TTC would be pretty insensitive.
Our families gave up long ago on us having kids so it would be a mega shock/surprise for them! It just hard...I feel like saying "we do want a family you know!" but I think it probably is best to keep this to ourselves!

[siameseturkey]

Good luck to you both by the way!

[MrsGsnow18]

DH and I are the only ones who know. Sometimes it feels stressful not having someone to talk to or ask advice but that's why I come on here!

[CannotEvenDeal]

We only just started ttc but we're the last ones so we've told our friends. They've all completed their families so that made the decision to say something a lot easier.

[CannotEvenDeal]

I should probably add that we've been together for a decade so it wasn't a huge surprise and certainly wasn't a big announcement.

[siameseturkey]

We've been together so long (15 years) Cannot that I think (if we are lucky to get a BFP) it's gone beyond being expected news as people have just assumed we don't want kids! We didn't even think about it until recently...just doing it at our own pace I think people (especially family) would be really shocked!
Yes MrsG I'll be talking more on here to let it all out!

[CannotEvenDeal]

Yeah we didn't think about it for a long time because due to circumstances that arose, we've raised my dh's son from a previous marriage together as our own and we're really close. So it was more of a 'dss will be getting a sibling if things work out' conversation if that makes sense. People already think of us both as being parents so I suppose that's why we don't get the questoning that some other couples maybe do.

My less close friends don't even know that dss isn't my bio ds He does know but he very much considers me his mum and I'll definitely be a mother of two even through it'll be my first pregnancy (fingers crossed!)

[Monkeyandthebear]

We haven't told anyone but we are now 6 months in and my nephew is 4 weeks old so when I was at home a couple of weeks ago for a party we had lots of comments. I drank a coke so got questioned about it, held my nephew (who I only met that day) and got comments. I am at the stage that I worry one day someone will make a "it will be you next" comment and I will scream that we are trying but it isn't happening. This has made me realise how insensitive these comments can feel.

I did tell the doc yesterday though as I was being tested for a uti and ended up on antibiotics, which I am now worrying about as we are about 4 days from the fw. Felt weird saying it out loud.

[delilahbucket]

My closest family know and closest friends. Only because I know they won't ask "are you pregnant yet" all the time. We have fertility issues and they know about those. I don't think I could get through it without having people to talk to and to be honest, if I do (ever) fall pregnant I will be telling those closest to me from the off. They are the people I would want support from if I were to miscarry.

[MoonlightMojitos]

I told my mum and 2 best friends, no one else because I knew they wouldn't ask about it, how was it going etc and I was so excited I wanted to tell someone! I ended up getting a BFP but then having a mc and it was good to be able to talk to a few people about it (although I hadn't yet told them I was pregnant) without explaining the extra suprise of being pregnant in the first place. Fx for you!

[Fluffsnuts]

We didn't tell anyone but we were very relaxed about it so it didn't seem like a big thing and I didn't change anything I did (except start taking folic acid and eating a bit healthier) so I didn't need to lie to anyone about anything.

[hollysocks]

DH and I haven't tell anyone, we are also quite relaxed about it and aren't doing much other than dtd more than usual, and it feels odd to be effectively telling people about that! I'm not a big drinker anyway so nobody is surprised if I choose soft drinks.

[OfficerMeowMeowFuzzyface]

I've told a couple of very close friends that we're thinking about it. I only have one friend who's had a baby so I had a chat about it with her. My husband got drunk and told a load of his friends, though! (They apparently did not seem greatly interested in this news)

[siameseturkey]

Oh Monkey I'm cringing for you! We had comments years and years ago at a family gathering when I held a baby, DP's mum even took photos of me (desperate to get perhaps the only photo of me ever holding a child!) You just want to tell them to f* off! At the time getting married wasn't even on our radar, never mind having kids so I just found it really annoying that people assumed we would be going down that route.
We got married last year (after 14 years together ) so after the wedding we had a few comments.
Now that we're actually TTC I think I would be really upset and angry.
It's not until you're TTC that you realise how bloody insensitive these questions are. They have no idea of your circumstances and how inappropriate they are being.
Thanks all for your comments, think I'll be sticking to the very few I've told! Good luck TTC everyone.

[Catinthecorner]

My sister knows, we had to change some travel plans because we're trying which made it obvious. I assume she told her husband, but my dad, his partner and my husband's family are all oblivious.

Other then that I'm assuming a few friends assume we're trying because of our situation but we haven't announced it.

We are at the stage where we might have to accept it won't happen for us. I'm not sure if it's better to have people assume we just aren't children people or if sharing that sorrow would be better. It's a hard choice.

[sk1pper]

My sister knows, she's a nurse who works on a premature baby ward in London so it kind of made sense - also she saw my prenatal vitamins. And I've told two friends because I was worried about the length of time it's taking me to conceive and it's good to chew the fat a little with people you trust.