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DH and performance anxiety while TTC

(8 Posts)
NameChange30 Thu 04-Feb-16 14:29:43

I'm a regular poster but have name changed for this to protect DH's privacy as much as mine.

I was hoping to be pretty relaxed about TTC and I haven't been taking ovulation tests or tracking my temperature. All I have is an app to track my periods and get a rough idea of when I'm fertile. That's this week, and DH and I had been looking forward to more frequent sex... But it's been a bit of a disaster. One night it took him ages to orgasm and the next time it took so long that I gave up. It was too frustrating and not fun at all. After doing some Googling I realise that men can get performance anxiety while TTC. I know that we need to relax and try to just have sex for the fun of it. And I won't tell him when it's my fertile week - although he will probably work it out when he realises I've been initiating sex more than usual!

I suppose what I'm looking for is a bit of hand holding and help dealing with the disappointment. I know it's not fair on him, or helpful, to be frustrated or resentful with him... But I do feel that way. Has anyone experienced similar and do you have any tips on how to get rid of those feelings?

NameChange30 Thu 04-Feb-16 18:34:46

<cheeky bump for the evening crowd>

justtheonethen Thu 04-Feb-16 19:06:46

I can sympathise fully. Before we started ttc we had no problems. As soon as we started dp couldn't finish. Was a nightmare, I spent many a day crying in the bathroom.

What helped us was a combination of not telling him when I'm fertile and him stopping shagging and almost finishing himself off when he felt it wasn't going to happen. Then obviously shoving it in at the last minute. wink

To give you some hope, we only had to do this for the first couple of months and now he's fine. There are a few ladies on here who got pregnant that way anyway.

Here to hand hold, I really get it. I felt like a horrible cow for feeling so bloody angry about it!

If you want more general handholding come over to the just shagging thread, everyone is lovely there.

justtheonethen Thu 04-Feb-16 19:07:20

I didn't even think to name change, but then I only post about food and ttc!

NameChange30 Thu 04-Feb-16 20:16:48

Thanks for your reply and the hand hold. Really appreciate it.

Like you I feel like a bitch for being angry! Technically I'm still fertile (don't think I will ovulate until tomorrow or the next day) but I've suggested we have a night off. DH was keen to try again so I've said let's not plan and just see how we feel. It's a bit of a mind game isn't it!

LOL at "shoving it in at the last minute" grin

I'm glad it seems to have resolved itself for you and your partner. Fingers crossed for us too! I might join you on the JS thread...

Oh and I post about all sorts normally (including personal stuff) hence the name change!

justtheonethen Thu 04-Feb-16 21:39:21

Come over to the just shaggers, (title starts 'you are not a robot' or something) you can come in disguise if you like!

I'm sure it will resolve for you too. I think a few "no it's just for fun now" white lies work a treat.
Don't feel bad, just don't let on to him it's bothering you, rage at us, cry in the bathroom but don't tell him. I'm sure you wouldn't but it will only delay it.

Here anytime you want to chat, I really do feel your pain, I felt quite murderous at times. Doesn't make you a bad person, just a bloody frustrated one! Oh how I long for these 5 minute shags people whinge about wink

NameChange30 Fri 05-Feb-16 09:32:04

Thanks just!

Last night was different. I wasn't particularly in the mood but DH was quite persuasive! So we had sex and it was all good smile I'm now wondering whether I need to "play hard to get" and not promise sex... Maybe he's more into it when he's not sure he's going to get it?! I'll try that again and see!

justtheonethen Fri 05-Feb-16 17:13:07

Good plan! Hope it goes well for you, here if you need a handhold

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