I didn't know where to put this thread. Me and DH have always known that we want to have at least two children. The thing is we just can't decide when would be a good time and we are seriously considering very soon. This is mainly because I think it might be a better idea for me to have my children before starting my career so as not to have to interrupt a career with multiple periods of maternity leave. Also we both think that there is no such thing as really being 'ready' for a baby, I don't think you can ever be ready?? We have talked a lot and are going round in circles. We have three scenarios really and made lists of the pros and cons and then even highlighted the ones that were most important...one of the options is to try very soon. (I'm autistic and making lists is very helpful for me for decision making, I know it might sound odd to make pros and cons lists for having a baby to most people but it's a coping mechanism for me.)
Scenario 1: Start trying for a baby imminently (after my depo injection wears off in 3 months time). This would mean I would have to suspend my degree studies for a second time (I had to suspend once before for health reasons) for a year but I'm not worried about that in and of itself.
Pros: 1. We would spend the year living in the same city as our families so would have some help and support networks.
- It would avoid a pregnancy during the final year of my degree.
- I would have the whole year off from uni to recover and get my bearings.
- As we are young we would have ages and ages to have more children in the future.
- We could even have a second child sometime after I graduate, before I go on to my further professional studies.
- Hopefully it will mean I won't have a huge motherhood penalty in my career or be forced to give it up as this way I probably won't have to take any maternity leave if I have my children before my career.
Cons: 1. I am worried about discrimination upon trying to enter said career as I would be a mother of 2 or more small children, and it will have taken me a much longer time to enter the career than most other young people...for example a degree that most people do in three years, I do in 4 years instead because I am doing a year abroad, and if I suspend my studies for a second time for a baby, it will have taken me 6 years to get the degree that can take 4 years. I am concerned that people would discriminate against me even if my academics were good enough.
- My partner won't be entitled to paternity leave as he won't have been in the same place employed long enough.
- I would have a baby/toddler to look after when doing the final year of my degree...which sounds almost impossible?!
- I still currently have a range of minor health problems and more significantly mental health problems. I have had mental health problems since I was a child. This is probably the healthiest I have ever been, but I definitely still struggle sometimes, and I take various medications that I would probably have to look at stopping completely.
Would any kind soul like to share some thoughts with me and bear in mind that I may be young and silly but I have feelings ;)