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Keen to start TTC but DH getting cold feet!

6 replies

Margo5 · 07/07/2015 08:22

After discussing it together and deciding it was finally time, I came off the pill a month ago.

Ever since then DH seems scared to even touch me in case I get pregnant. We may as well be sleeping in separate beds and have not DTD for over a month. It has not been easy as I have felt more emotional than usual but I have bitten my tongue. It is obvious he is scared and I am not convinced he wants a child.

On Saturday he said that he doesn't want me to be pregnant for when we go out for his birthday at the beginning of August as I won't be able to drink as it will not be enjoyable.

I snapped!! I told him it was time to grow up and that there will always be an excuse and ME not being able to drink is definitely not one of them. We always said we wanted one child but were in no rush, but after being together 13 years, married for nearly 5, at the age of 37 I think we have waited long enough... As far as I am concerned I don't want to leave it any longer as I am getting older. I said we both have to want it and I don't want to get pregnant, tell him, and him not to be happy about it! He said he does want a child but I am not sure he does...

The last thing I want to do is make him be a father - he will always resent the child and me. Maybe we just shouldn't even bother and I will just go back on the pill.

Mentioned it last night and he agreed we need to talk. Feeling really low. Anyone else having a similar experience?

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Boredworkingmum020 · 07/07/2015 09:08

Really feel for you. Our first was a happy accident when I was 35 now ttc number 2 having waited much longer than I wanted at 39 as DH kept stalling. Now every month when period shows I get resentful to him feeling we have left it too late. Definately talk it through show him statistics about fertility as you get older. Fingers crossed you can sort it out

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Margo5 · 07/07/2015 18:28

Thanks Boredworkingmum I have said we need to talk and he just said 'I know' and went out to play football last night as usual. It is always me bringing the subject and me doing most of the talking. Would be nice if he initiated a conversation about it with his concerns.

Keep thinking that I should have come off the pill and thought more seriously about this years ago! He is the kind of person to bottle up emotions and just go quiet. He is aware of fertility issues but just says they are scaremungering. Also says that we can just adopt if we can't have our own... Like it is no big deal.

How long have you been TTC? Must be difficult when your first was a happy accident as having that experience to compare it with is totally different.

It's so hard at our age. I am constantly asked by people I meet for the first time whether I have kids. I say no and then feel I have to justify it and I am sick of that. Why should I have to justify it? I feel like a freak sometimes!

Thanks for listening!

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Oysterbabe · 07/07/2015 19:11

Have you tried initiating sex with him? What's his reaction?
He is being very childish Margo
If he's not ready now will be ever be? You need to talk it out with him, let him know how important it is to you.

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Boredworkingmum020 · 07/07/2015 19:34

Please don't feel like that about yourself. You deserve to be happy. Send him a calander invite for a date to talk and tell him you HAVE to talk maybe not say what about. This is only our 4th month of trying (and got dates very badly mixed up the first month so no chance at all). But this month used OPKs and DH decided to stay in pub On the day to DTD Scived off work though next afternoon and had my wicked way! Men are so bloody annoying but maybe not as annoying as the strangers who ask when you're having kids! Next time just turn round and ask them when they're next thinking of having unprotected sex!

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downgraded · 07/07/2015 19:36

This sounds serious OP.

If he doesn't want kids what does that mean for you? Would you stay with him?

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Margo5 · 08/07/2015 08:42

Oysterbabe I have not tried initiating sex with him as I am being stubborn and am angry... Maybe I should but I am worried about him thinking I am forcing him into getting me pregnant against his wishes!

Boredworkingmum I think he knows we need to talk as he agreed on Sunday when I briefly mentioned it! Will text him and tell him we need to talk tonight as I am constantly crying and my head is in a real mess. Men are so annoying I agree, can't believe your DH went to the pub when you were ovulating - after all the effort of testing, grrrrr!

downgraded I daren't think that it would go so far as having to leave him. Not sure how I feel about that and don't want to think about it yet. Pretty sure this is cold feet and that is all there is to it. We have always discussed kids and always said we'd be happy with one but were happy to wait. I will be so upset if he has gone back on what we have always said.

Maybe I am overreacting and it is my hormones... Men eh?! X