Does anyone ever question whether they are cut out to be a mum?

[whiterose2011]

That's it really! We are waiting for AF after MC to start trying again and I just wondered if anyone has had a wobble about whether they are really cut out to be a mum? Maybe it's just me trying to protect myself from disappointment in the event of another MC, but I am worried that I won't be a good mum, that my life will be turned upside down and I won't cope, that my relationship with dh will be affected etc. I have a very strained relationship with my own mother (it was ok when I was young but since the age of about 18, it's gone rapidly downhill) and wonder if this is affecting me? She also had a strained relationship with her mother and I'm starting to wonder if things like this run in the family....

[Pocket1]

Hi whiterose so sorry to hear about your mc - been there myself so I understand how awful it is. Waiting for af can feel like ages and when she arrives, you may find it emotional again.

Re being a good mum I think if you want it bad enough, you can make it work. I understand the history of your own and your mums maternal relationships, but the very fact that your thinking about this is positive. You sound like a kind and caring and I'm sure you'll be a great mum.

Best of luck to you

[EuroShagmore]

Yes, I have had those moments. But I have heard pregnant friends and fathers to be saying similar things (and seen those kinds of posts on here too) and as far as I know, it has all turned out fine!

I think it is in part self-protection and also in my case a doubt of maybe nature is trying to tell me something. In saner moments, I know it is daft. But infertility messes with your minds. I've seen post-MC posts on here saying things like "maybe it didn't stay because I didn't love it enough". It is all part of the infertility mind fuck. We will all be great parents, one day.

[EuroShagmore]

That is full of grammar and spelling mistakes, but I hope you get the gist!

[Snog]

It's very normal to have doubts! I certainly did.It's a step into the unknown after all - a bit of a leap of faith!

Your life will be turned upside down and it will affect your relationship with your dh. You will cope.

My mum had a miserable childhood and so did I. It doesn't have to repeat down the generations though and I was determined it wouldn't - my dd is now 13 and has always been a very happy child, literally sings with the joys of life a lot of the time in fact. I have spoken to many other mothers who were concerned to make their child's experience happier than their own, and we have all done it.

Having said that there's no right or wrong choice about having children,and I am sure you can have a happy and fulfilled life without them as much as you can with them.

[whiterose2011]

Thanks girls. It's good to know that others have had similar thoughts and that I'm not going mad! Fingers crossed AF comes soon so we can get on with ttc again.....this last 5 weeks has been the longest ever. Xx

[Snog]

Sorry to hear about your MC - should have said that earlier. Be kind to yourself
xx

[totallynaive]

I had the same thing as you and it was one of the most significant blocks I had to becoming a mum for far too long. In the end I had to have ivf. It turned out I was a warm brilliant superb lovely mum after all that. It's just that my own mum wasn't and made me think I'd be useless because my personality was just too different to her own. Her mum, incidentally, was very similar to her in the way she'd treated her. Neither can deal with hands-on childcare except in a fussy dictatorial sort of way.

You can only really see these things in retrospect. If you're loving and kind you will be these things to your child. Don't worry.

And, yes, you have to give yourself a Plan B in case it doesn't work out, and it might be self-protection. But my advice is to go for it while you can as you sound as though that's what you really want.