That special time of month but "he's" not in the mood!!!

[blondebaby111]

To cut a long story short been on this rocky road of ttc for 4 years..i'm now on my last month of a 3 course of clomid. Found out i was ovulating yesterday but when other half came home from work all i got was...i'm not in the mood...sorry. I was like a woman possesed, screaming at him that he was unbelievably selfish and i'm not pumping my body with drugs for the fun of it. Needless to say we didnt speak last night..he went to bed early and i cried myself to sleep!!

He has been so fantastic, very supportive (we have unexplained) but last night i hated him. I know he is a bit run down, hadn't been feeling too good for a few days but i haven't been feeling great while on clomid either as wqell as working full time too. I know i'm becoming a bit baby possesed but i now feel we may have possibly missed our chance this month now.......sob sob!!!

[delilahbelle]

Um - possible TMI but have you suggested the turkey baster route in that case? Or he DIY's until he's about to come, and enters you then?

Less pressure/work - I know when we were TTC the whole sex thing became a huge chore at times, so we used the above options on occasion. No DC yet, but that's for medical reasons...

[blondebaby111]

whats TMI??? he was point blank in mood for nothing and i was so angry at that point i wasn't either. Being on clomid has turned me into a monster at times so i dont really help things sometimes.

[eurochick]

TMI=Too Much Information

[tazzle]

can empathise, have been there. Nothing like it for killling spontinaety and passion

I know men have the reputation of being able to get ready without any emotional input ...... but they too can get to feel like they are just a baby making machine. What with feeling unwell too ....

anyway .... not too late to catch that egg.... maybe a nice meal / glass of wine and an "i'm sorry... lets just have a cuddle" might just change the mood ....... and who knows.


What worked for us ..... gave up trying, came off the clomid and got a puppy ..... next month booom

[Wiggy29]

When I've said this my OH always suckered me with a 'oh sorry, you must be stressed, let me give you a massage' (fast forward 10 mins into massage) 'oh what's that? My hands just slipped there did thye? Oh well then...' (cue pictures of clashing waves against the shore etc).

Failing that, delilah's idea of him starting the job off himself sounds clinical but effective. I can imagine that I'd consider this if it comes to that. Good luck.

[HaveALittleFaithBaby]

We had, hands down, the worst fight of our marriage about this minus the clomid
We have tried the 'alternative' method too - less pressure for him but actually the massage usually works a treat! We always agree it's not guaranteed to lead to sex, but it often does. The massage is relaxing but also provides skin-to-skin contact which tends to be quite sensuous. Buy some sensuous/stimulating massage oil, grovel, offer him a no strings massage and see what happens!

[kickmewhenimdown]

Was in the same position as you and dp just too tired after a long day at work and having sex about 5 times previous in the last 48 hours. But i just nagged him till he wanked and cum inside me :) He knew he wasnae getting any sleep till the job was done! And it worked a treat We both say though that ds2 was still made with love.

[Jemimapuddleduk]

blonde, I really do sympathise with you and have been in that situation.
Clomid made me totally nutty and mental, I hated that stuff. Let's hope you either get good news this month or they find a better drug to suit you.
We have unexplained infertility, tried clomid and couldn't face the third month. Then went onto menopur injections ( a dream compared to clomid).

[ArtemisTheHunter]

Oh blonde I really feel for you, we had that exact same situation last month... first clomid cycle, positive OPK, but dp was "tired", shoved me away and went to sleep in front of the TV. I had a screaming hormonal meltdown, we had a massive row and I cried myself to sleep. Normally he is on side and knows that after 2 years of trying we can't rely on spontaneity any more but yep I hated him at that point and wondered why the hell I am bothering with the vile drugs and investigations. All he has to do is get off, surely it can't be that traumatic?! We had calmed down by the next morning and were able to talk about it. I hadn't realised how stressed he was about the whole thing, especially as the problem seems to be with me - his SA is fine, they haven't actually said there's anything wrong with me but have given me clomid because of my age (38). He's agreed to make the effort around ov time and I've agreed to make more effort at other times of the month so sex isn't just about making babies (I hadn't realised I had been giving him that impression but clearly I have). We also made a trip to Ann Summers ... trying to put some of the fun back. I will be pinning him down for a massage now too.

Hope you manage to catch the egg this month blonde. I'm into the second clomid cycle and hating it, but if it works I guess all the stress will fade into distant memory... not thinking about what happens if it doesn't... What next for you after clomid? The registrar has given me 3 cycles but we'll have to decide at the next appointment whether to continue with clomid for 3 more or move join the wait list for IVF. Jemima what's menopur? I'm hating clomid too but didn't know there was an alternative.

[farfallarocks]

Oh I feel for you , we had exactly the same problem minus the clomid, it was awful. Huge rows, I was semi hysterical with frustration. It lead to him not wanting to actively try anymore which was a nightmare. The month after the hugest row we have ever had I got pregnant from totally spontaneous and lovely sex. The pressure was off him. I kept my ovulation a secret from him that month.
Having said that I think its a totally kettle of fish if you are taking clomid because you can't take it for that long. I think men feel enormous pressure to perform whilst TTC and feel like they are less of man for lnot wanting sex all the time like they feel they are meant to.

We never found a solution (We had sex fails and even erection fails trying the turkey baster method). Dh wanted a baby as much as I did but he aboslutely hated the forced sex. Could you try and time the next cycle with a weekend away of holiday? We were always both in the mood whilst not dragged down by day to day stress of work. You have my sympathies, its awful and so frustrating.

[Jemimapuddleduk]

artemis sorry you are going through this too. Menopur is similar to clomid in that it Hyperstimulates the ovaries to produce better quality eggs, it also makes your womb lining nice and thick. I had absolutely no side effects on this and still gt lots of lovely Ewcm (clomid dried me up and made sex v painful). You inject (my DH had to do that as I am wuss) daily from first day of period till about day 10-14, they scan you in that time to see when the follicles are ripe then you give you a trigger and bham eggs are released. So you then do timed sex or iui or both. We had first cycle of that with IUI (you can do it without IUI, think its known as super ovulation, there is a thread on this). We fell preg first cycle but just had another mc (v sad). Feel conFident it was dealing with the issue and will work again though.
May be worth exploring?

[ArtemisTheHunter]

Farfalla thanks for sharing your story, I'm trying to book less work in and plan fun things to do, weekends away etc as you are right it's much harder to get in the mood to order with all the day to day stress. I hadn't realised how much dp felt the pressure to perform. It's so at odds with the impression the media gives us that all men are up for sex all of the time. I might try the stealth ovulation plan next month :)

Jemima thanks for the info on Menopur, that is so helpful. I am really sorry about your mc. I'll ask whoever I see at my next appointment. I am frustrated by how few options there seem to be particularly when the limited investigations (day 3 and 21 bloods, and a look at my ovaries) have found nothing wrong. I don't think IUI has good success rates for women my age but would be glad of an alternative to clomid that doesn't have the horrible side effects. Fingers crossed the Menopur works for you again, I'm glad you are feeling positive about keeping going.

[tazzle]

gosh I did not realise they limited clomid to three months at a stretch now ...... I was on it for a year ( that was over 30 years ago now !!!)

That menopur sounds a lot better !

best wishes to everyone ttc

[wrighty2010]

Hope you are both ok, trying for a baby can be such a stressful time and not just for the woman! Try not to worry, make sure he knows you love him and you dont just want him for the baby!! keep smiling, hugs xx

[blondebaby111]

Thankyou everyone for taking the time to reply back to me. All is well between us and it made me think he isn't just a baby making machine and does have feelings like me too. We had a little chat, really cleared the air and i feel alot better in myself. Jemima i totally agree with you , clomid made me mental..theres no other way to describe it and i really think it was starting to drive a wedge between us and it took this argument to sort things out. I felt we both had maybe stopped enjoying ourselves and laughing together. i'm actually looking forward to nxt month when i;m off clomid all together.
All is not lost this month...i'm hoping i ovulated for a few days if so we do still have a chance!! but i've decided until our nxt hospital appointment i'm gonna stop actively trying, the ovulation kit is shut away in a drawer and we're just gonna go back to having some fun for a while.
Anyway thanks again ladies..it made me better reading all your posts, i thought i was the only one in this situation...losing my temper irrationally!! Good luck to you all xxx