Feeling under pressure to 'perform' - any suggestions?

[francohoops]

Hi

My wife and I have been trying for our 2nd baby for the past 6 months. Over the past 2 months we worked out dates of ovulation cycles, but since we now have a rough idea of the dates, it has been difficult to perform as planned. For 3 out of 4 weeks things are fine and we make love regularly, but when it comes to ?that? week, things just don?t happen as they should.

It is terribly frustrating, and I?m getting more and more stressed about the whole thing. Now I have the rough dates in my head, I?m not sure how to just forget and relax.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I was thinking hypnotherapy, but that seems a bit extreme.

Thanks for your help

F

[chipsandmushypeas]

Sorry you're feeling under pressure. My partner finds it hard sometimes too when he knows he's on duty.

This month I'm not going to tell him the dates and just initiate things and hope that will help. Maybe tell your wife to do that instead?

However, now you know the dates you need to try and not worry. Maybe take baths together, give massages, relax and listen to music. Just don't think about sex, just relax! Or watch a blue movie before? good luck!

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

You need to take the pressure off both of you as of now and have a complete break from the day to day routine. Spend time together as a couple.

Make love when you both feel like it regardless of dates and predicted ovulation date (working out such a date is all too easy to get wrong).

Forget all about timing of intercourse as well; your situation is precisely why it is not recommended at all. Ovulation is not an exact science and ovulation can occur earlier, later or not at all in any given cycle.

I would talk to the GP as a couple; this person may also be able to give you suggestions.

[Iheartpasties]

yes try and mix it up and not do it on the exact dates, relax and switch off from ttc and just try and enjoy it which ever week it happens. Explain to your dp and say that you feel that will help you over the next few months and see what she thinks.

[CareBear1]

I second the dirty movies

[KatAndKit]

I am sure I say this far too often, but having sex regularly outside the fertile window is really important. Otherwise sex becomes only about conception and that puts a lot of pressure on you. Stop focusing on the dates if it is becoming counter productive. What I did was that I still used the ovulation kits and so on but I didn't share the results with my partner. I just initiated sex. And because he had got in the habit of having sex three times most weeks it wasn't a problem.

[eurochick]

I did similar to K&K. I used methods that meant i knew when I was ovulating but didn't share it with my husband unless he asked. I just initiated swi at the relevant times. He knew something was going on when I was suddenly in the mood after a long day at work or whatever when I wouldn't normally be but I think him not knowing when the most important days are has helped.

Also, I reckon most of the long term ttcers on this board have experienced what I terms a SECHSFAIL at some point or other. So what you are going through is completely normal. Try asking your wife to keep ovulation info to herself and see how things go.

[farfallarocks]

Oh we have all been there and I so sympathise. My DH and I had a terrible time of it, we had a combination of sex fails and his total refusal to DTD at the right time because of the pressure (and I suspect fear of the sex fail)

What worked was backing off totally, almost not trying (at least that is what he thought) I was away for my period and that threw him a bit so he did not know when the fertile time was. It happened to fall over a weekend, he did not realise, I did not discuss it and voila, his performance issues went.

Having said that we had a right time of it unless it was the weekend or on holiday. Are you quite stressed at work? I found that made a big difference.

[HaveALittleFaithBaby]

I agree, I don't telnet DH when I'm execting to ovulate because it causes too much pressure. It's all about regular sex. To create a romantic situation, we ligh candles, play romantic music, we give each other massages - it's helps us both relax and the skin to skin contact is very sensuous, it often leads to sex but we agree beforehand that we're not aiming for that. we go for walks together too which helps us to talk things through.