3.5 years of ttc and feel like giving up

[uggmum]

I have 2 dc, aged 12 & 8. Dd was a clomid baby and ds was a fluke (as advised by my Doctor).

Decided to try for dc 3. Tried for a few years with no success. Was then referred and given clomid. Became pregnant on cycle 6. But baby died at 10 weeks and had erpc.

Had a break but back on the clomid. 6 months of treatment left but I am not confident of a success.

Consultant pushing for ivf but it is costly and I dont know if I have the strength for it emotionally as only 1/10 chance of a successful outcome. The odds seem so poor.

Feel that I need to consider giving up. Consultant says I may just be too old now (I'm 40).

It's been a long haul and I've put my life on hold for so long. Anyone else with the same dilemma?

[WishingIWasLucky]

So so sorry for your miscarriage. it's heartbreaking when this ttc lark becomes an uphill struggle,isn't it? I'm 35, we've been ttc for over two years, I had a miscarriage at 8.2 weeks back in march. Nothing since. Fertility tests on both of us came back 'normal'. We don't have any children YET! I can totally sympathise with the way you feel, the only thing I can advise is that there is a fantastic thread here for ladies in their forties, they seem very knowledgeable- what they don't know about ttc isn't worth knowing! There is also another thread regarding assisted conception- I would strongly recommend you put your questions to the ladies there. They are more likely to guide you in the right direction while supporting you emotionally too. Very good luck

[BagofHolly]

I in 10 chance with IVF seems VERY low - and different clinics have different success rates - some as high as 60% in some age groups. I think you need to investigate this further.
And as for emotional toll, in my experience it was a huge relief to feel we were actually doing something instead of just hoping each month.

Very best of luck!

[uggmum]

Thanks for your responses. I had a lap and dye last month. They found some endometriosis and removed it. Had 2 rounds of Clomid since but no success.
My consultant gave odds of 1/10 due to my age however, would consider other clinics if this would increase. Any recommendations gratefully accepted.
(Holly, was it you that had the boil. If so hope it's better now)

[BagofHolly]

Yes! I am boil-lady!

All the stats for all the clinics are on the HFEA website, as well as on the websites for each individual clinic. Have a look at The Lister, and ARGC's stats for your age group and they're a lot better than 10%!

[BagofHolly]

www.argc.co.uk/statistics.html

Ta dah! Almost 40% replicable stats! And remember that stats don't tell you anything about the individual. Seeing as you've already carried to term and don't have a history of rpt mc your individual chances are probably higher as ARGC is often the last resort of women with tragic histories, and yet despite such a difficult caseload they still produce stats like this year after year.

We were quoted about a 70% chance of a live birth per cycle. I had 2 cycles and now have 3 children and I was 39 last cycle. It's pricey but it's not the financial shot in the dark that it seems when you've got stats like that. Good luck!

[WishingIWasLucky]

Bagofholly- that is such a positive and informative post! Please do not take offence if I ask if you conceived all your children through IVF? Also please share: did you know why you were unable to conceive naturally- we have unexplained infertility, can they work with that? Apologies for intrusive nature of questions, but first hand experience like yours is irrefutable. x

[BagofHolly]

No problem! Yes, first cycle I had Ds1 and second cycle I had twins! 3 children, 2 cycles! Bargain!

We tried ttc naturally, and I started to suspect there might be an implantation issue. In all other ways we appeared to be ok. DH had low motility but v high count so we were looking at ICSI and then decided to look into the immune side of things. We bypassed our NHS goes as the results were so much worse than going private and I was 36 by this point. We went to ARGC and had the immune screen they send to Chicago, and it showed several issues which was no huge surprise as I have a history of auto immune disease. I was treated both times with steroids and clexane and here I am 3 years later with 3 children!

Unexplained means they just haven't tested you for the right things. Have you read "is my body baby friendly?" by Alan Beer? Well worth a look if you think immune issues may be a part of the problem. Hope that helps!

[mistlethrush]

WiWL - don't give up - we waited 6 years for DS inc mc first - I had him when I was 38. Since ds I've had two further mc - each overshadowed significantly by other potential health problems - and its lead us to the decision that we're not going to try anymore. I never envisaged us with only one child. However, I also didn't know it was going to be this difficult to ttc - and the other health issues have, I think, put such a scare on things when they don't suceed that we can't cope with that concern and strain anymore. Ds would be a fantastic older brother. However, he'll just have to borrow his friend's younger siblings instead.

[uggmum]

Thanks for all the comments and for sharing info with me.
You have given me plenty of advice and avenues to look at.