Hopeless when children are poorly

[Nicae]

I'm really after any advice, especially from anyone who might feel the same way. I'm really useless when my children are poorly. Not when they've got fairly minor things like colds but with more significant things I fall apart.
Just after DD2 was born she was very poorly with what was finally diagnosed as silent reflux, we spent a lot of time in and out of hospital and I was absolutely terrified we were going to lose her. By complete coincidence and horrible bad luck DD2 - just 17 months at the time also became very poorly with croup and was hospitalised at the same time. It really was the worst period of my life and I don't feel like I coped at all. My DH and my parents were amazing and eventually we made it out the other side. Since then I have been so frightened of my children becoming ill again and at the moment my older one has been ill with a virus, nasty sore throat, temp etc for a week and my baby has gone down with it today. I've sat up with her pretty much all night so far and I'm just beside myself, I don't know how best to calm her, she's gagging on phlegm and I can't seem to help her. She has nodded off now but I'm just dreading what tomorrow will bring.
If anyone else has experienced this and has any advice I would really appreciate hearing it.

[Ilikethenamesadie]

My lo was incredibly sick - had heart failure at a week old and was in intensive care. I don't suffer like you do tho - I think because I know she's had the worst happen to her and she's survived. She's actually been quite sick since but I don't fear the illnesses - I fear the hospital staff who assume I'm anxious (like you) when I'm not.

What are you fearful/anxious of? It happening again? You did it once, you could do it again... surely that gives you strength?

Also, and I don't mean this meanly - why did you fear you might lose her from silent reflux? It's not a fatal thing is it?

We got offered trauma support (counselling) from the hospital - is that something you would consider?

[Ilikethenamesadie]

Ps I hope my post comes across right - I can truly say I know how awful it is when your child/baby is sick - there's nothing worse and unless you can go through it you just don't get it.

Where your friends helpful? One or two of mine were but mostly people sent us nice messages but then kept away - we found they didn't know what to do for us and no one really wanted to talk to us about it - I guess it was just too depressing/awful for them. So I have found a lot of my relationships have changed as a result. There's some people I can't forgive for not 'being' there whereas others were amazing.

[Roastie1986]

Hey Pls feel free to contact me. I feel the exact same and gi through the same with my ds. Have exact the same feelings as you. Xx

[PappaSmuff]

I'm the same my wifes was very ill after the birth so for alot of last 11mths Ive been his main carer. My son was ill within days of coming home and went into special care unit for 2 weeks, then at 6 months one by one he comes down with sickness bug, then hand foot and mouth, then a virus, left me a wreck caring for him. Now Im 2 weeks into a cold with him that has turned into tonsillitus. I am finding it very hard to cope, its 238am now and my son is crying in my arms, have a baby they said it will fun they said mmmmm feel like Im close to cracking up. To top it off Im ill also now but think its the stress was sick alot this eve. You are not alone